These are my rambling thoughts today.
@dancer12
My hubby is finally going to a daycare. His neuropsychiatrist told me not to expect any socializing to happen for him there. OH cannot even remember when he goes there, once are we get back into the car he has forgotten where he has been. OH is no long capable of much social interaction. But the daycare provides me a long stretch of time on my own to pursue my own direction...for 8 hours. OH has now stayed on his own two times at the center for the full day without me. He gives me a thoroughly dirty look when I leave him but he is staying and not causing any problems. I am so grateful for these lovely professional carers who take over. I keep taking steps to ensure that I have a happy life. My eldest son always says his family life is best when he follows this principle" happy wife, happy life". So, I apply his adage to my situation. I must take care of myself and find joy in my life or I have nothing left to give. I deserve to live my life and have joy. Over the years, there have been a few times when I let things get out of control and not having enough help. Those times have driven me to try and stay two steps ahead of this Alzheimer’s. My next goal is to meet up with the health carers who come and actually feed and dress him....my concern is on the days when I get ill myself and cannot take care of him. I want to have something in place for those occasional times. It is now 16 years into his progression in the "long goodbye...at some point, I will not be able to physically give him all he needs, but he is fit and healthy in body today...long may that last. So, I have a lovely day planned of walking, good food and general chores, a period of rest or kip in the afternoon, then this evening I have a Man sitter and I will go to my classical ensemble group to sing for a few hours. I am praying for a good day....just for today. Staying in the now and hoping that I can be patient and loving today....no idea what tomorrow will bring but for today I wish to be patient and then more patient.
Hi PalSal:
So glad your husband is sort of okay with staying at daycentre. My husband isn't. He just wouldn't go. I think seeing more advanced dementia patients really bothered him. Both his mother & uncle had it and he saw the advanced stages. I believe he is scared of what is going to happen to me & the kids (adults now - thank goodness, I don't know what I would do if they were still small). I am managing but I am terrified of what the future will bring. It is important to take care of yourself & do the things that you enjoy. For now he is still able to do things, as long as someone is with him, so I take him out to libraries, for walks, shopping & to coffee shops. At times he believes there is something wrong but most times he thinks there isn't and that makes it terribly difficult - my guilt maybe. His understanding is totally gone and his hearing is partially gone, therefore I have to repeat myself 10 times before he hears & understands and it drives me crazy. I had 4 hours on my own to go to a support group and it was like a big weight was lifted off my shoulders. Hoping to have more of these free hours in the future, I feel bad leaving him but I know that I have to do things I enjoy or I will never survive. Sometimes I wonder if he would do the same for me.
Take care of yourself, you have had a long & difficult time.
Sending many cyber hugs.