Scrapbook

[Rachel87!]

Hi all

I am new to this forum and hope it is ok to post for this kind of advice.

My grandma was diagnosed with Alzheimers over a year before my grandad passed in feb 2017, for months he kept he it a secret from the rest of the family because she asked him to. When he was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer he had no choice but to let us know as we needed to assist her with her tablets and keep an eye out for her decline. Once he past away it was obvious he had been covering for her a lot and started to go down hill fast, to the point she forgot it was his funeral. She often goes searching for him and calling my aunties up in distress saying she cannot wake him up, or she cant find him, to which we manage to calm her down and she soon forgets.

I had heard that scrap books are great for people suffering with Alzheimers and I would like to make her one for a Xmas present. My problem is, I would obviously like to include my grandad in the scrapbook but im scared she will see the pictures of him each time she looks at them and starts searching for him again, i want her to get comfort from the scrapbook and dont want her going through a grieving process each time, but on the other hand if shes having a good day (which are getting less and less) she will be upset that i have not included him. Maybe I should re-think the idea of the scrapbook?

Thoughts please?

Thank you in advance

 

[mickeyplum]

Hi all

I am new to this forum and hope it is ok to post for this kind of advice.

My grandma was diagnosed with Alzheimers over a year before my grandad passed in feb 2017, for months he kept he it a secret from the rest of the family because she asked him to. When he was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer he had no choice but to let us know as we needed to assist her with her tablets and keep an eye out for her decline. Once he past away it was obvious he had been covering for her a lot and started to go down hill fast, to the point she forgot it was his funeral. She often goes searching for him and calling my aunties up in distress saying she cannot wake him up, or she cant find him, to which we manage to calm her down and she soon forgets.

I had heard that scrap books are great for people suffering with Alzheimers and I would like to make her one for a Xmas present. My problem is, I would obviously like to include my grandad in the scrapbook but im scared she will see the pictures of him each time she looks at them and starts searching for him again, i want her to get comfort from the scrapbook and dont want her going through a grieving process each time, but on the other hand if shes having a good day (which are getting less and less) she will be upset that i have not included him. Maybe I should re-think the idea of the scrapbook?

Thoughts please?

Thank you in advance

Rachel, you sound like a wonderful caring grand-daughter. I'm sure you will get lots of good advice from Talking Point.
Just speaking from my own experience of my 90 year old husband with dementia, I can tell you that my daughters made a lovely photo book for their dad with pictures of him in all the familiar pubs and restaurants with the family, also recent photos of him on holiday with me.
I went though it a couple of times explaining the pictures to him but then realised it wasn't helping and was simply making him more anxious and more aware of his loss of memory as he struggled to make sense of the places.
A memory book might work wonderfully for your gran - I'm sure it does for many people - but don't feel like you've failed if it doesn't. Just go on loving her as much as you do.

 

[Shedrech]

hello @Rachel87!
a warm welcome to TP
I wonder whether your scrapbook could contain a few photos kept in place with photo corners so, if your grandma is upset by any of the images, the photo can be easily removed/exchanged
and use copies of photos as they may well go walkabout and you don't want to lose the original or have it damaged

alongside family images you might have pictures of places she knew and visited, pictures of the fashions over her life, and furniture, household items, things she would have used eg soaps, perfumes (indeed you might find the modern equivalent to give her the stimulus of the smells)

 

[Babymare01]

What a lovely caring grand daughter you are x
My Mums last CH put together a "Life book" for my mum. I supplied photo copies of photos of people and places( even a swimming certificate and a page from a ration book are in there) and the story of mums life and they put a lot of thought into the wording. Its was used by the staff to sit and talk to mum and, now in late stages of dementia, her NH now use it to sit with mum and have also learnt about mum from it.

It was lamented and the pages tied together with ribbon so maybe put photos of your grandad on certain pages but make them removable just in case she gets upset.

It is such a lovely idea xx

 

[LadyA]

I also made a "memory book" for my husband. I included pictures of his parents & grandparents, his children from his first marriage when they were children and through their growing years, and then as adults. pictures of places he had lived, his beloved VW van that he had years ago, his first wife (dead several years before we married), and then pictures of his life with me. He added things to the book. A feather from one of our hens, a photo of the cats we had at the time, the wrapper from a bar of chocolate I had given him, and a pretzel. He loved the book, and we would go through it regularly. On the front I had put "William's Memories" and he got me to add the words "must be preserved" underneath. So at that stage, he seemed to understand what the book was about, and I think that's why he loved it so much. It eventually went to the nursing home with him, and the staff would go through it with him.

 

[Grannie G]

On the front I had put "William's Memories" and he got me to add the words "must be preserved" underneath.

This says so much about the man.

 

[mickeyplum]

I also made a "memory book" for my husband. I included pictures of his parents & grandparents, his children from his first marriage when they were children and through their growing years, and then as adults. pictures of places he had lived, his beloved VW van that he had years ago, his first wife (dead several years before we married), and then pictures of his life with me. He added things to the book. A feather from one of our hens, a photo of the cats we had at the time, the wrapper from a bar of chocolate I had given him, and a pretzel. He loved the book, and we would go through it regularly. On the front I had put "William's Memories" and he got me to add the words "must be preserved" underneath. So at that stage, he seemed to understand what the book was about, and I think that's why he loved it so much. It eventually went to the nursing home with him, and the staff would go through it with him.

How wonderful to read of all the success stories you have all had with Memory books. Makes me wonder if my husband is the only one with dementia who has shown no interest in the lovely one my family made.
It seems like his long term memory has gone the same way as his short term memory, so that old photos and reminders of past events leave him cold and seemingly wondering why they are being talked of.He remembers nothing from his past, except for a little story from his National Service days - which varies every time he tries to bring it to mind.

 

[Babymare01]

Mickeyplum - mum no longer looks at her life book now being in last stages but the carers in the NH where she is now love it and often read it to mum. In fact they are thinking of doing it for their residents. Also it will be a treasured book when my mum final leaves me. Just a simple book full of memories xx

 

[LadyA]

Yes, William loved his book until the progression of his illness took too much from him. I think I was just lucky in getting it done at the right moment. I did it for his 80th birthday, just over four years before he died. At that stage, he still recognised everyone in the photos, but if you just talked about a particular person, he couldn't place them. I think that's why he loved the book so much - he was still at a stage where he could understand how it helped him remember people, etc.

 

[Lindy50]

Hi @Rachel87!
I made a scrapbook for mum's 90th birthday. I asked friends and family to contribute any photos or images they could spare, and also sent out cards on which people wrote what mum meant to them, or accounts of memorable events etc. Mum loved it at the time and she and I looked at it frequently.
Mum is now 97, has advanced dementia and is in a nursing home. I looked at the book with her yesterday and sadly she recognised barely anything in it. In fact, the very idea that maybe I expected her to remember, caused anxiety in itself
So I think really it's as @LadyA says, it's a matter of timing. I think previous posters have given some great ideas about allowing for some pages / photos / images to be removed or replaced if they're either upsetting or just puzzling.
So I'd say go for it, it's a lovely idea
Lindy xx

 

[Lindy50]

How wonderful to read of all the success stories you have all had with Memory books. Makes me wonder if my husband is the only one with dementia who has shown no interest in the lovely one my family made.
It seems like his long term memory has gone the same way as his short term memory, so that old photos and reminders of past events leave him cold and seemingly wondering why they are being talked of.He remembers nothing from his past, except for a little story from his National Service days - which varies every time he tries to bring it to mind.

I'm sorry to hear this @mickeyplum .
Your OH is not alone though. My mum (now 97) has much the same reaction to the scrapbook I made for her 90th - although at that point she loved it (slight exaggeration on my part....). It's so sad when someone can no longer recognise or remember the people they loved, and were loved by, isn't it? (((Hugs))).
Lindy xx

 

[Guiness]

I made a memory book for my mum several years ago when she was living at home and it went with her into a home last year and i use it with her still - she loves it and it helps to make visits more enjoyable. When preparing it I was concerned some photos might be upsetting or she might just not react positivly to, so without her knowing i was making the album i would randomly show these photos to her. The ones that elicited a happy feel good response stayed in, other ones stayed out. Seemed to work.

 

[Rachel87!]

Rachel, you sound like a wonderful caring grand-daughter. I'm sure you will get lots of good advice from Talking Point.
Just speaking from my own experience of my 90 year old husband with dementia, I can tell you that my daughters made a lovely photo book for their dad with pictures of him in all the familiar pubs and restaurants with the family, also recent photos of him on holiday with me.
I went though it a couple of times explaining the pictures to him but then realised it wasn't helping and was simply making him more anxious and more aware of his loss of memory as he struggled to make sense of the places.
A memory book might work wonderfully for your gran - I'm sure it does for many people - but don't feel like you've failed if it doesn't. Just go on loving her as much as you do.

Thank you for your kind words, this has helped a lot, since this post she has deteriorated quite a bit and me and my dad have decided not to do the scrapbook x

 

[Rachel87!]

Hi all, thank you for your responses. My grandma seems to have suddenly declined over the last month, she doesnt recognise her own home or possessions anymore. I would say it is coming to the point where she is going to need to go into a nursing home for her own safety and wellbeing. She actually said to my cousin last week that she is having a mental breakdown, which is so upsetting to know she knows her brain isnt working properly. I think i have unfortunately left it too long to introduce the scrapbook to her as she gets really upset looking at things that she cant remember.

To you lovely people that have loved ones that are in the final stages or beyond, do you think there is a part of them that knows and is scared of what is happening to them or does it literally strip them of themselves?

P.S i am really sorry to hear these stories of your loved ones, it is the hardest thing you can do is watch someone you love fade before your eyes

Thank you all xxx