Visiting Grandad In his New Care Home

[NF1986]

Hi Everybody,
I am new here and I need some advice.
My Grandad has advanced dementia and is no longer able to hold a conversation, he can answer simple questions with yes or no, or this one or that one or both, say hello and goodbye but that is about his limit. Until this week he has lived with my Grandma, but she is aging and as Grandad's care needs have increased significantly, it has become necessary for Grandad to go into Permanent Residential Care.
Prior to all of this I have visited my grandparents most weeks and I would say hello, how are you to Grandad and would get a short answer of hello, I'm fine, and the rest of the visit would be spent mainly talking to Grandma, before I would say my goodbyes to grandad and leave.
I am now in the position of not wanting to abandon my Grandad in the home so it is now going to be necessary to visit him on my own, the problem is, what do I do when I am there as I won't be able to talk to him much.
I was just wondering what other people in my position do when they visit relatives on their own?
Any Suggestions would be gratefully received.
Many thanks,
NF1986

 

[NF1986]

Sorry, I seem to have posted this in the wrong place, I am still trying to find my way around.

 

[brambles]

Hi NF 1986,

Don't worry about posting in the wrong place . I am sure one of the moderators will move it for you soon.

How lovely that you want to spend time with your grandad and I can completely understand your apprehension about talking to him,

I can make a few suggestions, though they may not all be suitable.

Chat about your day, but don't ask questions and don't expect any response.It gets easier the more you do it.
Take in a local paper, football magazine (or whatever you granddad used to be interested in)and read out the headlines, talk about the pictures etc.
Play him some music on your phone if you know what he likes.
Take a novel or poetry book and read to him.
Watch television together.
Take something to occupy yourself ( a book, craft or puzzle) and just sit quietly beside him.
Hold his hand.
Sing to him or sing together.

Remember, just being there with him is the most important thing.

love Brambles x

 

[nae sporran]

Sorry, I seem to have posted this in the wrong place, I am still trying to find my way around.

Welcome to TP, NF1986. I have asked the mods to move your post, but don't worry about where it is.
Brambles has already suggested the best ideas, and I certainly find wit my OH when too much conversation gets overwhelming that photos and music work very well. She gets a little irritated and insecure if I'm not around, so just being there and sharing some kind of activity is all you need.

 

[love.dad.but..]

How lovely and caring that you are thinking of how you can help your Grandad to take as much as he able from your visits. Bramble has excellent suggestions all of which I used with my dad when I visited. Sometimes if he is still able to have a cup of tea...just making one for you both to sit together and taking in a treat..if he is still able to swallow well. .is all that is needed if he doesn't seem engaged. As my dad declined aaand his interest in things around him lessened just my company for a bit seemed enough...I used to chat..if dvds are possible....watch a favourite comedy or concert dvd of his...football dvd...look through his photo timeline book...point out photos of interest in a newspaper....you will find something that fits well with both you and Grandad. Don't feel despondent if one visit he doesn't seem to respond or engage...he is probably taking in more than you realise with your familiar reassuring voice. Your grandad is blessed indeed to have such a lovely grandchild who through doing this will also be supporting grandma.

 

[Norfolk Cherry]

You sound like a very caring grandchild, how lovely for your family. I just wondered if it's possible to take an Ipad or lap top in as I find lots of entertainment on you tube, facebook, and iplayer, Netflix etc.

 

[Susan11]

Hi Everybody,
I am new here and I need some advice.
My Grandad has advanced dementia and is no longer able to hold a conversation, he can answer simple questions with yes or no, or this one or that one or both, say hello and goodbye but that is about his limit. Until this week he has lived with my Grandma, but she is aging and as Grandad's care needs have increased significantly, it has become necessary for Grandad to go into Permanent Residential Care.
Prior to all of this I have visited my grandparents most weeks and I would say hello, how are you to Grandad and would get a short answer of hello, I'm fine, and the rest of the visit would be spent mainly talking to Grandma, before I would say my goodbyes to grandad and leave.
I am now in the position of not wanting to abandon my Grandad in the home so it is now going to be necessary to visit him on my own, the problem is, what do I do when I am there as I won't be able to talk to him much.
I was just wondering what other people in my position do when they visit relatives on their own?
Any Suggestions would be gratefully received.
Many thanks,
NF1986

How about loading some family photos on to your Tablet. People do seem to enjoy seeing them and they sometimes bring back memories. You could probably use the same ones for each visit!

 

[NF1986]

Thank You everyone who has replied, there are some good suggestions in there whit a few that I think might work and I will hopefully get the chance to try in the coming weeks.
If anyone else has any other suggestions to add I will gladly read them.
Many Thanks,
NF1986

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @NF1986

It`s lovely to hear how caring you are towards your granddad . There are some good suggestions above and I hope they help.

When taking photos with you be careful you don`t put granddad under pressure by asking him to remember the people in the photos. If he volunteers the information and recognises them , good, but if he struggles to know who they are it will put him under more pressure.

I used to take my husband some special food I knew he would like. A beautiful blush pear or juicy melon, some jelly or yoghurt, something he might not get in the care home.

If granddad needs feeding it will be a lovely intimate moment for both of you.

You will find your own way as the visits continue and I hope they bring some really special times.

 

[Toony Oony]

Hi @NF1986
So lovely that you are going to visit your Grandad. My daughter visits my Mum every Saturday in her CH. The staff say it is quite unusual for Grandchildren to undertake solo visits - so you will be much appreciated.

You have already got quite a lot of suggestions, but just to add a few thoughts of my own ... You may well find that there will be something in Grandad's new home that you can both go and enjoy that will help during your visit ... something to look at, somewhere to go and have a cuppa etc. We often take Mum off to the coffee shop or the lounge or just for a spin around - the staff always stop and engage with us. I have stashed a few things in Mum's wardrobe that my daughter and I use now and again when we visit. I have a Ker Plunk game with the straws to pull out and marble drop. Some plastic balls that are made of a sort of velcro material that I bought on eB** that can be easily stuck together and pulled apart, a large A3 book of scenes and reusable stickers and a few magazines with lots of short stories that we can read to her. I usually take a few pictures on my phone that I can chat about too - things I have seen, what's happening in the garden etc. I also have the 'Silk' app on my phone and iPad (suggested by another TP member) and Mum enjoys making patterns just by moving her finger across the screen.

Aside from all these things and much more importantly, your Grandad will just love having you there with him.

X

 

[Helly68]

I find that when I go I take sewing with me, an activity I get on with, that my Mum is aware of (though she now cannot do) and like to watch me do. Some times I take in a recipe magazine and we talk about cooking - or I talk and she listens. Poetry is good to read as poems are short, and my mum always loved this and is sometimes able to remember a line. You get adept at talking without necessarily expecting the usual responses. She also enjoys food so I often take a small carton of cut up fruit which I supervise her eating and this is often the most enjoyed bit of my visits.

 

[Susan11]

Hello @NF1986

It`s lovely to hear how caring you are towards your granddad . There are some good suggestions above and I hope they help.

When taking photos with you be careful you don`t put granddad under pressure by asking him to remember the people in the photos. If he volunteers the information and recognises them , good, but if he struggles to know who they are it will put him under more pressure.

I used to take my husband some special food I knew he would like. A beautiful blush pear or juicy melon, some jelly or yoghurt, something he might not get in the care home.

If granddad needs feeding it will be a lovely intimate moment for both of you.

You will find your own way as the visits continue and I hope they bring some really special times.

Hello @NF1986

It`s lovely to hear how caring you are towards your granddad . There are some good suggestions above and I hope they help.

When taking photos with you be careful you don`t put granddad under pressure by asking him to remember the people in the photos. If he volunteers the information and recognises them , good, but if he struggles to know who they are it will put him under more pressure.

I used to take my husband some special food I knew he would like. A beautiful blush pear or juicy melon, some jelly or yoghurt, something he might not get in the care home.

If granddad needs feeding it will be a lovely intimate moment for both of you.

You will find your own way as the visits continue and I hope they bring some really special times.

I've been told sharing photos was a good idea. That it was good to discuss who was in the photos . Not ask questions but just describe the photos. I show my mother photos of her Grandaughter with her friends

 

[Grannie G]

I've been told sharing photos was a good idea. That it was good to discuss who was in the photos . Not ask questions but just describe the photos. I show my mother photos of her Grandaughter with her friends

I`m pleased it works with you.