Can I refuse a social services care package
- Thread starter Alex54
- Start date
Oh ouch... I'm so sorry you are in this situation. What a horrible catch 22.
And of course you will lose your residence rights in France if you don't go through the paperwork process before Brexit rears its ugly head. I really feel for you because it would probably be better all round to be in France which also has a top notch health service.
And there's your future too.... I'm truly sorry. As someone who has only returned to the UK to look after my mum I couldn't imagine a worse cross border situation.
OK - you can try and reduce the care bill for now. I did when I became worried about my mum's funds running out and fed up with the constant intrusion.
I cut out one visit altogether and social services were fine with it. I substituted myself for one carer in double handed visits and I found an excellent 'personal assistant' for some of the visits.
Then, I worked really hard with my mum to get her mobile again and stronger (she'd been discharged from hospital 16kgs underweight, bed bound and looking like she was on her last days.) But it depends on how much your wife has declined of course.
Easier said than done but please try hard not to let this get you down too much. There's always someone to listen here.
RyanAir allows people to travel with dementia if they have a letter from their doctor saying they are OK to travel. However this letter means that if the have to divert the plane then the airline can charge the doctor for the extra cost. In short the doctor will not issue such a letter.
It is just too much of a risk to stop renting the house in the UK only to get to the airport/ferry port to find out we are refused to travel. Social Services have said she is not allowed to travel, so I have to go by that.
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I would have assumed by now that the Brexit situation would have been sorted out but I think that is far from the case. If you asked me six months ago I would have said we would be OK in France. Now I cannot even assume that the French care system will cover us after March 2019.
Also one other thought... Local Alzheimer support workers are great but I suspect this situation is above their 'pay grade' so to speak. Do try the helpline number I gave you if you haven't already because they have access to experts not available locally.
I think a lot depends on whether you have your residence papers sorted. My sister in Spain was so furious that she couldn't vote that she binned her British passport and took citizenship. But my family has been in Spain for a lifetime and I'm the only one who lost residence rights by returning to look after my mum.
I think you have to make a decision where you want to live. If you want to return to France to live in your property and avail yourselves of the French care system then I don't think SS can truly keep you here.
But if you decide it's not worth the risk, plus Brexit etc then you need to make yourselves properly and permanently resident here and accept that you will have to sell your French property and it will go in care fees. Then a deferred payment agreement, if offered, might be the way forward - after all, you don't want to deny your partner the care she needs?
But if you decide it's not worth the risk, plus Brexit etc then you need to make yourselves properly and permanently resident here and accept that you will have to sell your French property and it will go in care fees. Then a deferred payment agreement, if offered, might be the way forward - after all, you don't want to deny your partner the care she needs?
To be honest I am fed up trying to sort out the funding issues to a point where I believe there is no simple solution.
To make matters even worse my wife has the type of dementia where she objects to any type of personal care and most morning and evening calls end up being a battle between the three of us (carer and I on one side, my wife on the other). Plus where we live we do not have a choice of care agencies. in short the care provided is just about working but I end up having to do most of the care myself.
I think that's really common - my mum was the same previously because she refused to accept there was anything wrong.
Have you seen this? Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired it is really helpful but just an aim don't worry if you can't live up to it all the time. That's a pdf by the way.
I think you need to find better carers. It's not acceptable that they can't handle what is a classic dementia situation. It also sounds like your wife is not as far down the line as the local authority's behaviour implies.
My dad objected to personal care nearly all the time but it wasn't a problem. My mum was different - it was a phase. Both times we ignored it, distracted and chattered away to them about something else while getting on with it. My dad used to shout out and swear horribly but his carers used to giggle and continue sweet talking him.
Maybe try advertising for personal assistants - freelance carers. I bombed our area with adverts and asked everyone I encountered. Obviously check references. We had two and then as I managed to get mum mobile again I cut it down.
I have agency carers some mornings and do the rest myself. I'm really strict about timing within an agreed, window of time.
The property market if France is totally different to the UK, if I could sell the property I would (plus it is even harder when your are hundreds of miles away). Even if I could sell the house my fear is that within two years all our savings would be gone with nowhere to live.
Thanks Lucia, this is getting back to the point of my original question - can Social Services impose a care plan.
Until our house sells in France money is tight - so it is a case of the LA paying for care or we do not have any. We do not even qualify for attendance allowance (you have to be back in the UK for two years before applying).
There is only one care agency in the area and they do not have enough staff. I can't say how bad my wife's condition is - but social said when writing up their report it was 50/50 regrading a nursing home or staying at home. December last year we thought she would not last long, but I put in the effort and turned things around. Recently she has said she has had enough and is refusing food, I am lucky if she eats more than a slice of toast the whole day.
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As to whether social services can 'impose' a care plan, in a previous thread you mentioned that your wife was in 4 weeks respite and social services wanted her to remain there longer but you didn't. Is the care plan a condition to your wife coming home from respite? If so, then it's not unreasonable for social services to 'impose' this plan if they feel that it is in the best interests of your wife with regards the level of care she needs.
Social services are paying for the care at the moment until the application for CHC is officially rejected. Their approach is to try and get the care working in the hope that someone can pull a magic rabbit out of a hat.
As and when we are informed that we have to pay for the care then I will stop all the care calls. It is not my wife who will suffer as she still has 24 hour support provided by myself. It is me who will suffer and at some point not be able to cope.
