Dementia! Overwhelmed by it all

[Linbrusco]

Mum 77 with moderate/severe stage Alzheimers and in care 2 yrs.
Repeat UTI’s, shingles & hospital admission this year have taken their toll. They now have Mum on a low dose anti B for next month and will review.

Dad 80 with mixed dementia, still living at home whom I now care for. Despite my brother living with him, and they live next door to me, Dad is an accident waiting to happen.
Personally I cant see Dad living at home within the next year.
If its not some crisis it will be because I can’t cope any more.

And now my beloved Great Aunt( Mums aunt) 88 recently diagnosed with Vascular Dementia, although she’s been showing symptoms for past 2 yrs. She lives at home on her own, but it wont be for much longer. Her mobility is very poor.

I went to visit my G Aunt yesterday & my Mum.
Between the two, it made for a very sad day

I try to make visits as cheerful as possible, doing and saying what I can to get a smile.... but boy its hard going.
Mums speech is almost gibberish now and my G Aunt was asking who was dead or alive, and how she had never met my Mum, but then remembered how I took her to visit Mum, and how Mum didnt know her and how it was all very sad.
In the next breath shes asking me who my Dad is

 

[Whisperer]

Dear Linbrusco

I read your thread and could not just move on. This illness is one of the toughest to face for Carers. I just look out for my mum, you are getting hit from three different sides. I still find it hard when me and mum agree a certain course of action, but within minutes my mum is acting in the opposite direction. I no longer query these turnarounds, just smile inside and go with the new flow. My mum was a great knitter, reduced now to counting rows only. Memories from 50 years ago crystal clear, this afternoon gone forever most days.

Please take care of yourself. You can only give if you are in a good physical and emotional position. I appreciate the latter is a fluctuating matter, some moments better than others. I will wish you well. In your darkest moments come here and rant if it will help. This is a really amazing community of strangers. Most never meet but in a strange way shared experiences makes for a great amount of empathy, those outside the caring circle can never really grasp.

 

[canary]

Oh Lin. Im so sorry.
Days like that are the pits, arnt they?
(((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

 

[myss]

Jeeeezzzz Linbrusco.... some of us have it difficult enough with just one pwd, but to have three around you.... wow. Just remember, as much as you're trying to spend time with and care for them in your own way, remember to take care of yourself too. ((Linbrusco))

 

[kindred]

Mum 77 with moderate/severe stage Alzheimers and in care 2 yrs.
Repeat UTI’s, shingles & hospital admission this year have taken their toll. They now have Mum on a low dose anti B for next month and will review.

Dad 80 with mixed dementia, still living at home whom I now care for. Despite my brother living with him, and they live next door to me, Dad is an accident waiting to happen.
Personally I cant see Dad living at home within the next year.
If its not some crisis it will be because I can’t cope any more.

And now my beloved Great Aunt( Mums aunt) 88 recently diagnosed with Vascular Dementia, although she’s been showing symptoms for past 2 yrs. She lives at home on her own, but it wont be for much longer. Her mobility is very poor.

I went to visit my G Aunt yesterday & my Mum.
Between the two, it made for a very sad day

I try to make visits as cheerful as possible, doing and saying what I can to get a smile.... but boy its hard going.
Mums speech is almost gibberish now and my G Aunt was asking who was dead or alive, and how she had never met my Mum, but then remembered how I took her to visit Mum, and how Mum didnt know her and how it was all very sad.
In the next breath shes asking me who my Dad is

sweetheart, your GP and the social workers need to know that you cannot cope any more. The focus now has to be on you and getting you away from being the carer for your dad. Your burden has been too enormous, it has to stop.
warmest, Geraldine aka kindred.

 

[Linbrusco]

Thanks all for your replies.
At this stage my Dad does not qualify for care, especially with being government funded.
Having cared for Mum though, I am much better prepared, and definitely know my limitations.
To control my stress levels I am much more hands off, and only do what’s necessary.
Mum I can cope with as she is already in care.