new here mother wandering ideas please

[Mcguvern]

My mother wanders off during the day all through sundowning. She says she wants to go home, as she is staying with my brother in Essex with my help. She is volatile and vocal if you try and stop her. She is lost after walking a few steps away from the house. I have recently taken power if attorney as her partner got sick from the stress of caring for her in Ireland. She has no money or I'd with her as she hides it or loses it immediately. I have no idea how to deal with this, sometimes you reason her back, mostly you have to be blunt about her situation. He is in a further stage of the disease but still has moments she knows she has a house in Ireland, but she is not thinking of the right one, usually the house from her childhood. I am only back in the UK to help for 4 more months then will return abroad with my wife due to visa issues. I would like to see her get further care but my brother disagrees. Not sure if anyone has a similar situation, but any comments on any of it would be useful.

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @Mcguvern, you are welcome here. what you describe is common with dementia.

To be honest, that situation sounds like safety may soon become an issue and I think it may be best to seek a needs assessment. If you follow this link it will take you to a fact sheet about the issue

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/sites...assessment_for_care_in_support_in_england.pdf

 

[MaNaAk]

My mother wanders off during the day all through sundowning. She says she wants to go home, as she is staying with my brother in Essex with my help. She is volatile and vocal if you try and stop her. She is lost after walking a few steps away from the house. I have recently taken power if attorney as her partner got sick from the stress of caring for her in Ireland. She has no money or I'd with her as she hides it or loses it immediately. I have no idea how to deal with this, sometimes you reason her back, mostly you have to be blunt about her situation. He is in a further stage of the disease but still has moments she knows she has a house in Ireland, but she is not thinking of the right one, usually the house from her childhood. I am only back in the UK to help for 4 more months then will return abroad with my wife due to visa issues. I would like to see her get further care but my brother disagrees. Not sure if anyone has a similar situation, but any comments on any of it would be useful.

Welcome to TP,

My dad was wandering before he went into the care home first of all you need to contact your local adult social care coordinator and start to get carers in. However when your mum starts to get aggressive you need to also start thinking about permanent,possibly residential care, it's a good idea to look around although you don't have to put your mum's name down.

MaNaAk

 

[Shedrech]

hello @Mcguvern
welcome to TP
you've packed a lot into your post, so I'm not sure I have the situation clearly
your mum has a house in Ireland (Republic of not Northern) which she was living in until recently with her partner (not spouse) - she is currently in Essex with her son, staying with him as a visitor rather than having moved in with him
she is saying she wants to go home but, as with many with dementia, her meaning of home is the safety of her childhood home with her parents rather than the property she owns
is she then Irish rather than British? - I ask as this may affect her qualification for benefits etc in Essex
you say she has no money, as in cash and savings, but owns a property - I assume her partner is still living in the property
in England this might well make her self-funding when considering residential care, depending on the rights of her partner to remain there
I do think, as far as finances go especially, you need some specific info - it may well be worth calling the AS helpline as the folk there may be able to direct you to helpful organisations
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/national-dementia-helpline

as you are your mum's Attorney, you are in a position to take on the management of her finances and also, if you believe that she no longer has capacity to make decisions for herself, to make arrangements for her welfare, including organising a move to residential care, especially if she has funds to pay the fees
if she hasn't then you do need to contact the Local Authority Adult Services where she is in Essex to have an assessment of her care needs - from this a care package will be suggested which could include home care visits (if your brother intends to have her live with him permanently) - however, I don't know how her Irish residency affects this
is her GP in Ireland or has she been registered with one in Essex?

you mention that you're not sure how to deal with the wandering etc - it is probably not effective to reason with your mum, as the dementia will probably have affected the parts of her brain that help her to reason, instead reassure her and distract her - some of the strategies on this thread may be of help
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/

another source of support is Admiral Nurses
https://www.dementiauk.org/get-support/admiral-nursing/
and try your local AgeUK
the main AS site has a directory of local services
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

I hope this is of some help
do post again with anything that's on your mind

 

[Baz22]

My mother wanders off during the day all through sundowning. She says she wants to go home, as she is staying with my brother in Essex with my help. She is volatile and vocal if you try and stop her. She is lost after walking a few steps away from the house. I have recently taken power if attorney as her partner got sick from the stress of caring for her in Ireland. She has no money or I'd with her as she hides it or loses it immediately. I have no idea how to deal with this, sometimes you reason her back, mostly you have to be blunt about her situation. He is in a further stage of the disease but still has moments she knows she has a house in Ireland, but she is not thinking of the right one, usually the house from her childhood. I am only back in the UK to help for 4 more months then will return abroad with my wife due to visa issues. I would like to see her get further care but my brother disagrees. Not sure if anyone has a similar situation, but any comments on any of it would be useful.

Lots of unanswered points in your posts and the reply from Shedrech is a very good one. Is your POA for health and finance or just one. Does your brother share the POA and is it "jointly & severally"? Moving forward you will not be able to manage this situation from abroad so is your brother in a better position to do so? The Irish residency needs considering as it is unclear what the circumstances are re property, partner, etc. Maybe a trip to your local Age UK might be useful in getting guidance or a call to the Alzheimer's Society help line.

 

[Mcguvern]

I think I was losing my mind when I wrote that. It was a very volatile situation. My mother is doing better now she is living with my brother and his family in the uk. He still doesn't want to think about care homes, I think it is a mistake as there is a lovely home 10 mins around the corner from him and I think it would offer the best of both worlds, a safe environment, less stress, and nurses on hand 24 hrs. Also we could take her out when we wished for visits and activities. As it stands we are all sharing care and are using two carers to come to the house as well. My mum is on antidepressants now and that has calmed her anger but they are already wearing off after only 6 weeks. Also is struggling to shower, dress and wash her teeth. Toilets are becoming more difficult too. She seems in a limbo between lives, but us in a better place than before. Not sure what the future holds for her, but I hope everyone continues to cope after I leave the country.

 

[karaokePete]

I’m glad things have settled somewhat.

In case the family may find the Information in the AS Publications list useful, here’s a link that will take you there
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list