Carers that say stupid things

[witts1973]

I had a carer in my house this week as part of a double up, a male and he has a sense of humour but an odd one,he said to my mother "This is my house" I can't remember my mums exact response as I was shocked by the carer saying that,he then said "I live here"
Well I do live here with my mum and I didn't say anything as I didn't want to make an issue while care was being given,I know people like to have a laugh and I'm sure it relieves a stressful day but I thought that was a stupid thing to say to somebody with dementia,it would make you wonder what on earth he was saying to people on visits when he was working solo and in a house where a family member didn't live.

 

[love.dad.but..]

I had a carer in my house this week as part of a double up, a male and he has a sense of humour but an odd one,he said to my mother "This is my house" I can't remember my mums exact response as I was shocked by the carer saying that,he then said "I live here"
Well I do live here with my mum and I didn't say anything as I didn't want to make an issue while care was being given,I know people like to have a laugh and I'm sure it relieves a stressful day but I thought that was a stupid thing to say to somebody with dementia,it would make you wonder what on earth he was saying to people on visits when he was working solo and in a house where a family member didn't live.

I agree and hope it didn't trigger a response from your mum. It is wrong for him to assume his sense of humour would be understood by a pwd. It may have been banter on his part but personally I would not consider this to be an over reaction from you. It could have been frightening for her if she was unsure of him to be told he lived at her house. I would consider talking to the agency about your concern and asking if this carer is sent again that he is more careful in what he says...as you say being sent as a lone carer to a very confused pwd on their own could lead to a lot of anxiety and worry for them after he leaves possibly adding to paranoia.

 

[witts1973]

I agree and hope it didn't trigger a response from your mum. It is wrong for him to assume his sense of humour would be understood by a pwd. It may have been banter on his part but personally I would not consider this to be an over reaction from you. It could have been frightening for her if she was unsure of him to be told he lived at her house. I would consider talking to the agency about your concern and asking if this carer is sent again that he is more careful in what he says...as you say being sent as a lone carer to a very confused pwd on their own could lead to a lot of anxiety and worry for them after he leaves possibly adding to paranoia.

Thanks,I let it pass as I knew that he wouldn't be coming to our home again after this Saturday

 

[love.dad.but..]

Thanks,I let it pass as I knew that he wouldn't be coming to our home again after this Saturday

You may not want to and I understand but I would still consider letting the agency know so they can address this with his future calls to other dementia clients especially live alone ones.

 

[maryjoan]

Thanks,I let it pass as I knew that he wouldn't be coming to our home again after this Saturday

But he could be saying the same sort of thing ot other vulnerable people......

 

[witts1973]

You may not want to and I understand but I would still consider letting the agency know so they can address this with his future calls to other dementia clients especially live alone ones.

I know I should have said something at the time,his last shift was on Saturday,I just think he's wet behind the years and was just having a stupid joke,he wasn't hiding that he said it,but it was still stupid to say,he's back to university soon

 

[Szaitisja]

That is really stupid thing to say by him. Sadly some of the carers don't have a clue what their stupid remarks might do. I had couple of Wednesdays(I'm away on Tuesdays) when I came back to my PWD being very anxious and saying no one looks after her, and she is all alone and it would be better for everyone if she died, etc..Then on one of the clear days she said that the carer told her, she is really worried that R. is not looked after properly. It turned out that on Tuesday evening the carer that was getting her ready for bed kept saying 'I hope someone will come to help you to bed and that I won't find you in this chair in the morning. I will be worried about you all evening.' I had words with the carer after I found out but luckily she now left for another job. And that was a woman who was always pointing out mistakes other carers might have made (not usually the case with our PWD) and she used to run her own care agency and has apparently tonnes of experience.

 

[witts1973]

That is really stupid thing to say by him. Sadly some of the carers don't have a clue what their stupid remarks might do. I had couple of Wednesdays(I'm away on Tuesdays) when I came back to my PWD being very anxious and saying no one looks after her, and she is all alone and it would be better for everyone if she died, etc..Then on one of the clear days she said that the carer told her, she is really worried that R. is not looked after properly. It turned out that on Tuesday evening the carer that was getting her ready for bed kept saying 'I hope someone will come to help you to bed and that I won't find you in this chair in the morning. I will be worried about you all evening.' I had words with the carer after I found out but luckily she now left for another job. And that was a woman who was always pointing out mistakes other carers might have made (not usually the case with our PWD) and she used to run her own care agency and has apparently tonnes of experience.

I get on very well with the other carers but I did have one carer that was a self serving pain in the a** that I heard was always complaining about other carers,I was told he would make visits to the office and report other people for all sorts and I believe this was a distraction technique to hide the poor job that he was doing so he looked like carer of the year,he's been taken of the round that visits my house after one of his fellow carers whistle blowed

 

[Szaitisja]

I get on well with the carers, at least most of the time. The one who just left seemed pleasant enough and talked a good talk but for some reason i felt a strange 'vibe'. Nothing I could put my finger on but just something at the back of my head that made me uncomfortable about her. I am glad she left now.
There was one that sounds just like the one you are describing, but she is not a problem for us anymore. I had to make an official complaint about her and she is not monitored by manager and not scheduled on rotas for us.
During the heatwave few weeks ago, she came for lunchtime visit (30 min). Looked at the stoma bag which didn't need changing and left after 5min. I was at home at the time as I had a busy night with R and was trying to get some sleep before starting in the afternoon but door shutting woke me up and i realised it was too quick for a full visit. She wrote in the notes nothing else required. I went downstairs to see R., she was desperate to use commode, carer left her no drinks at all (she drank the morning ensure and half a cup of tea, rest went cold). Didn't clear away breakfast dishes and didn't make anything for lunch. As it was so hot I was on the phone to agency within minutes, fuming.
I am normally around somewhere between 4-5pm so if I left in the morning as usual R. would be left with nothing to eat and drink for another 3-4h.

 

[witts1973]

I get on well with the carers, at least most of the time. The one who just left seemed pleasant enough and talked a good talk but for some reason i felt a strange 'vibe'. Nothing I could put my finger on but just something at the back of my head that made me uncomfortable about her. I am glad she left now.
There was one that sounds just like the one you are describing, but she is not a problem for us anymore. I had to make an official complaint about her and she is not monitored by manager and not scheduled on rotas for us.
During the heatwave few weeks ago, she came for lunchtime visit (30 min). Looked at the stoma bag which didn't need changing and left after 5min. I was at home at the time as I had a busy night with R and was trying to get some sleep before starting in the afternoon but door shutting woke me up and i realised it was too quick for a full visit. She wrote in the notes nothing else required. I went downstairs to see R., she was desperate to use commode, carer left her no drinks at all (she drank the morning ensure and half a cup of tea, rest went cold). Didn't clear away breakfast dishes and didn't make anything for lunch. As it was so hot I was on the phone to agency within minutes, fuming.
I am normally around somewhere between 4-5pm so if I left in the morning as usual R. would be left with nothing to eat and drink for another 3-4h.

The bad carers must hate me as I'm always at home,even so the main the culprits have still pulled a few fast ones,I hope the main carer that has been taken off the round will help things to get better as the girl that he was partnered with will have to behave now as he's not there to back her up and vice versa,the guy that has left said to me and another carer that he was taking home £550 a week but that does include fuel,he was quite proud of that,I mean who on earth talks about their wages,but he managed to do so many calls as he did a very poor job,he was awful