This is hard

[Granddaughter123]

hi, i have just joined here after visiting my grandparents. i see them every Saturday. My grandad has been showing signs of some kind of dementia for at least 18 months, however he is notoriously stubborn so even when he is not okay he will never admit to a problem.
More recently i have noticed things getting worse and spoke to my aunt and my dad about this and they seem to be burying their heads in the sand less. They have been supporting my nanna more with him and visiting more. We finally managed to get my grandad to an eye test (his first since he was called up in 1945!) and they believe he has cataracts (to be confirmed on weds). My nana says after this she will try to tackle the subject of seeing the doctor with him. His memory is getting worse, he doesn’t want to do anything, he’ll just sit in the sun staring into space for hour and today he was trying to walk but had to hang onto the wall. My nanna and i think he got dizzy after sitting in the sun for too long but it’s just breaking my heart to see this happening to him. i am trying to stay strong for my nanna but this is so hard. Seeing him deteriorate and feeling so incredibly helpless is so hard. i feel like no one is doing anything to help him, or help my nanna because no one see how bad it has gotten other than me and my nanna hates to bother anyone so she doesn’t tell my family what it’s like. i just came here for support and advice and how to cope with seeing this happen to him. i have tried so many times to speak to my dad and my aunt and they listen and act for a while but then almost ignore it and i know this must be hard for them too but i just want to do something to get my nanna and grandad some help and support but no one is listening to me say we need to ask the doctor to come for a home visit or to just help. My heart feels like it’s breaking and i feel so guilty that i can’t do more- i don’t drive so i cycle over but i work during the week and i hate the idea that some days they don’t see any of us. And i just feel so sorry for my grandad and it feels like every time we’re losing another piece of him. Sorry for this long post!

 

[Edu]

Hello granddaughter123
We went through the same over two years ago when Mum became ill
The first step is to speak to the GP and air your concerns. They will arrange for an assessment and advise on the next steps
Hope that helps

 

[kindred]

Hello granddaughter123
We went through the same over two years ago when Mum became ill
The first step is to speak to the GP and air your concerns. They will arrange for an assessment and advise on the next steps
Hope that helps

Completely agree. Have a list of concerns written, sweetheart, in case you (understandably) get a bit emotional. This is so hard for you. People of that generation are often in denial about dementia, terrified of it, and therefore don't seek help. I am so glad that you are standing up for them like this.

 

[Edu]

Completely agree. Have a list of concerns written, sweetheart, in case you (understandably) get a bit emotional. This is so hard for you. People of that generation are often in denial about dementia, terrified of it, and therefore don't seek help. I am so glad that you are standing up for them like this.

Yes that’s good advise kindred.
Definitely have a list of symptoms and questions. I’ve just remembered it was the one thing I wished I’d done. So many questions.

 

[Amethyst59]

Hello, @Granddaughter123, welcome to Talking Point. You have been given some good advice and support already...and I trust you will find that when you do get some support, you will find that things don’t look as scary and unmanageable as they do now. Your Grandparents are lucky to have you, and all the love they have given you over the years can be returned now as you support them.
After that first step is made you can do so much. You can research what support is available in their area...
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support,
And maybe accompany them to a dementia cafe or a singing group. There is so much you can get involved in and really help to make a positive difference to their lives.
Keep posting, tell us how you are getting on, and how things go with your Grandad.