A thought after my husband died

[oldbones]

My husband had alzheimers dementia for 14 years. For over a year he thought I was poisoning him, which hurt at the time. I took him many times to the hospital because of this, & he had many blood tests. Nothing was ever found. I looked after him for 14 years, till the last three weeks when he had to go into a nursing home. He went into hospital after the 3 weeks.
I just want to ask people who are caring for someone with dementia of any kind, that if your loved one does think you are poisoning them, insist scans are taken of their body.
Although my husband had these conditions, it was not until 19 hours before he died that we were told he had cancers throughout his whole body. Tummy, liver, pancreas and brain. I feel that because he had alzhiemers dementia, everything else was just put down to that, and we were fobbed off
Obviously it was no wonder he thought I was poisoning him with all the pain he was in without morphine till 19 hours before he died
Anyway, this is just a thought and I am putting it out there

 

[LadyA]

I'm so sorry for your loss @oldbones. My condolences to you.

 

[Amethyst59]

What a horrible shock for you. I am so sorry for your loss, and thank you for sharing your story, as a warning to others.

 

[Soobee]

I am sorry that your husband didn't get scans earlier. There does seem to be a reliance on blood test results by health professionals nowadays. I am on a forum for another condition where blood tests can be normal in a third of patients who have serious inflammation. It seems GPs just aren't aware that the results can mask other conditions like your poor husband's cancer.

My condolences to you at this sad time. Many thanks for writing, it must have been hard for you.

 

[Izzy]

I'm so sorry to read your news. Sending my condolences.

 

[marionq]

@oldbones your news is sad but as information it is very important. It is all too easy to overlook other issues when dementia is to the fore. My husband is unaware of changes to his health and would be unable to explain what he is experiencing. Your post will make me think more carefully about his condition.

Thank you and good wishes.

 

[Cat27]

I’m so sorry to read this. My thoughts are with you.

 

[mumsgone]

My husband had alzheimers dementia for 14 years. For over a year he thought I was poisoning him, which hurt at the time. I took him many times to the hospital because of this, & he had many blood tests. Nothing was ever found. I looked after him for 14 years, till the last three weeks when he had to go into a nursing home. He went into hospital after the 3 weeks.
I just want to ask people who are caring for someone with dementia of any kind, that if your loved one does think you are poisoning them, insist scans are taken of their body.
Although my husband had these conditions, it was not until 19 hours before he died that we were told he had cancers throughout his whole body. Tummy, liver, pancreas and brain. I feel that because he had alzhiemers dementia, everything else was just put down to that, and we were fobbed off
Obviously it was no wonder he thought I was poisoning him with all the pain he was in without morphine till 19 hours before he died
Anyway, this is just a thought and I am putting it out there

So sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. Although I never experienced the accusation of poisoning when my mum had dementia I very much felt that from diagnosis that was it as far as medical interest. She also had type 2 diabetes and when we had to go to a and e one time because her blood sugars had rocketed we were basically ignored and mum was left on a trolley with all going on around her which she found distressing. Sems as though she didn't count !

 

[Loopiloo]

I am so sorry for you to have had such an experience. It must have been such a shock.

I feel that because he had alzhiemers dementia, everything else was just put down to that, and we were fobbed off

I agree that with dementia other health problems can be put down to that. My husband did not have cancer. He had a difficult erratic Type 2 diabetes which was kept under good control thanks to our GP, excellent diabetic nurse and myself. It did need constant regular supervision and increased medication at intervals.

After a fall, hip fraction and surgery he was in 2 acute hospitals then a community hospital over 6 months and his diabetes went completely off the rails. I spent the 6 months trying to get someone to listen to me, in vain. I was, as you say," fobbed off". Concerning other matters as well as his diabetes.

Then inevitably a crisis arose - and even that was initially ignored. Things were not being done properly, or not done at all. I wont go into details, it is a long story.

But having expressed concern about my husband's sudden and swift weight loss and other signs he was not well, in vain, I knew something was wrong when I visited, was told "he's fine". The nurse
said that he was lying down on top of his bed because he was tired. I went into his bedroom and found him wearing pyjamas, in bed, alarmingly thin and hovering between being delirious and unconsciousness.

He came very close to dying. I - eventually - managed to get him a consultant's attention. He then consulted a specialist in diabetes. My husband was critically ill.

It took two weeks to get my husband reasonably stable. At least he was saved from dying, but he was still not properly monitored.

To add insult to injury of being ignored, not being given information, impatience when I asked questions, I discovered by accident that a DNR form had been signed and no doctor had spoken to me. I was his wife, his next of kin and his POA for health and welfare ( as well as financial).

He was not allowed to return home and it was when he went into a care/nursing home that a GP from our practice and excellent care home nursing eventually got his diabetes stable and kept it so, although it took months to undo what two acute hospitals' negligence had caused. I believe this was due to the disgraceful attitude of medical staff concerning my husband having dementia.

Thank you for writing what you did. When you have someone with dementia in hospital it is necessary to be 100+% alert. I was initially slow to speak out more strongly because it never crossed my mind that this could happen in acute hospitals. I was naïve, had faith in hospitals (then) and did not believe that hospital medial staff could allow a situation to deteriorate to such a dangerous level. How wrong I was. After all, he had dementia..........

Sorry to write so much.

My sincere sympathy to you on the loss of your husband. So heart breaking for you and good of you to write what you did for the benefit of others while going through such a difficult time. Thank you.

Loo x