Hello everyone..1st time on here..I am currently caring for my brother who has vascular dementia..he is 81..he's never been married and doesn't have any children so all care is left to me..he does have carers 3 times a day who are golden and a godsend to me..he is bed bound ,suffers from diabetes,enlarged prostate,heart failure and has a catheter fitted as his bladder doesn't function properly..my concern is that he is getting abusive to us all when he needs washing, dressing or any contact and even went to hit a district nurse (who had to change his catheter )obviously he needs cleaning a few times a day due to incontinence..should I go and see his GP.?.should I be thinking about a care home?..can't go on like this
Dilemma about care home?
- Thread starter jntbyrne
- Start date
With all of his health problems, it does sound to me that you should be thinking about a care home. You could discuss his aggression with the nurse and doctor, to see if there is anything they think could be done.
With all the will in the world, it is very difficult to care for an abusive person with dementia. It can easily take a toll on your own health. Please look into other options, for everyone's sake.
With all the will in the world, it is very difficult to care for an abusive person with dementia. It can easily take a toll on your own health. Please look into other options, for everyone's sake.
Hi and welcome to TP
It does sound like a home may be the best option if not now then the pretty near future.
I'd start looking around now for a Nursing Home not a care home, many care homes wouldn't take someone bed bound or with a catheter let alone let alone the other conditions and the aggression he is starting to display. For those reasons I'd be looking for a nursing home not a care home.
To find somewhere suitable would be an exercise in itself and many if not all have waiting lists so even when you find somewhere you may have to go on a waiting list.
Aggression when receiving personal care is quite common, my wife just shouts a bit but some of the other residents scream and a couple do lash out at the carers or try and bite them.
I don't know what the reason is but as your brother's never been married, has no children it's possible he just isn't a very tactile person may be an explanation in his case, but as my wife was very tactile before and in the early days accepted personal care without a problem I don't know why she's now the way she is.
It may be that the GP can prescribe something but if there was anything really effective then I would expect the people in the nursing home would be getting it by now,
K
It does sound like a home may be the best option if not now then the pretty near future.
I'd start looking around now for a Nursing Home not a care home, many care homes wouldn't take someone bed bound or with a catheter let alone let alone the other conditions and the aggression he is starting to display. For those reasons I'd be looking for a nursing home not a care home.
To find somewhere suitable would be an exercise in itself and many if not all have waiting lists so even when you find somewhere you may have to go on a waiting list.
Aggression when receiving personal care is quite common, my wife just shouts a bit but some of the other residents scream and a couple do lash out at the carers or try and bite them.
I don't know what the reason is but as your brother's never been married, has no children it's possible he just isn't a very tactile person may be an explanation in his case, but as my wife was very tactile before and in the early days accepted personal care without a problem I don't know why she's now the way she is.
It may be that the GP can prescribe something but if there was anything really effective then I would expect the people in the nursing home would be getting it by now,
K
I agree you should look for a nursing care home rather than residential care home.My dad is now in a nursing home and at times lashes out in relation to personal care, he’s doubly incontinent and is now completely immobile but the home are good and help manage this. I looked at homes cqc ratings/reports and also read reviews on carehome.co.uk to identify options as well as speaking to GP/district nurse. It’s such a difficult time and it’s entirely understandable you feel like you do, but it sounds like now is the time you get a bit more support which is the right thing for your brother and for you