Grief and flashbacks?

[hopefulasever]

Hi there.. not really sure how to start this so I guess I'll go in at the deep end. My mum died in hospital last July with me and my dad (her ex husband) by her side, and it's been a rough ride since. The entire summer is a bit of a blur to me but I had endless flashbacks and nightmares about it, which I thought would have stopped by now, 8 months later, but they haven't. I don't know if this is normal or not? She was diagnosed when I was 19 and I'm 26 now and all my friends have their mothers very much alive and well so I have no one to talk to who has gone through it. Pretty much every night I dream that I have to watch my mum die again and I have really horrible invasive flashbacks during the day, often of sitting by her side as she was drifting away, but sometimes just of her face after she had. I've had flashbacks kind of throughout her illness of the moments that really upset me during it. I just don't know if this is a normal part of grieving and will pass, or if I should seek professional help?
Anyway, thank you for any advice/words of kindness. I'm really not dealing with this well I don't think

 

[Shedrech]

hello @hopefulasever
grief is personal and particular; there's no prescription for how it is for each of us
I'm so sorry, though, that you are going through this - it surely wouldn't harm to get some help, as you are clearly concerned, yourself; you need to have your mind put at rest
maybe have a chat with your GP
and there's Cruse, too
https://www.cruse.org.uk/
keep posting here, also, if it helps to share

 

[Beate]

I'd suggest you get grief counselling. Everyone reacts differently but it is always a good idea to talk about it, I think.

 

[BIWO]

I am a lot older than you (54) to be precise. However at the age of 20 I was there at the end when my Grandmother died. It was an experience which remained in my memory for many years and to this day I can still recall the scene in my mind. Over time I found the flashbacks come less often. My own Mum died in Nov 2017 and have similar and regular flashbacks at the moment . I believe over time, these will start to come less often. I try to focus on the the 'happy' memories in order to 'blott' out the final moments.

 

[Jasmine123]

Hi, my mum died summer before last. I was 23 when she was diagnosed and 29 when she died, so not as young as you, but still on the relatively young side. I'm really sorry that you are struggling so much after your mother died, in particular thinking about her last days. I wasn't there for my mother's death (very badly timed holiday) but I struggle to get images of my mother being ill out of my mind. I often have images in my head of her when she was wasting away, all skin and bones where you could see the definition of all of her bones as she was so thin. I have found though, with time, these images have seemed to reduce and I am remembering my mother more when she was less ill.

Your dreams do sound very traumatic and I don't think any harm can be done by getting some counselling. You will then have someone to talk to about what is going on. I also have struggled to ever discuss my mother passing with my friends. Instead I have to sit there, seething with anger when someone is upset as they only get to see their mum once a month or someone talks about how upset they would be if their grandmother died, while I am sat there with neither grandparents or a mother. Obviously I am very happy that their family are alive and well, and my anger is just jealousy, but I understand how alienating it can be, when you have no friends who have been through what you have. All the more reason to be able to talk to a counsellor who can listen.

Sorry if I ended up just talking about myself in this post, but I am really sorry that this is so tough on you.