General advice for me and my mum

[Caz52]

Hi everyone, i am new to here and would like some advice on helping my mum with my grandma. i feel a bit of a lemon when it comes to suggestions and i think my mum is now over-whelmed with it all.

My grandma has vascula dementia, brought on by a heart attack at 50, mini stokes and high blood pressure for most of her life. and she has progressivly been getting worse as the time is going by. My mum is a child minder and has not only been looking after the children but has been going in to care for her everyday since the doctor told us what she has.

She has gone through some of the "normal" stages to start with, you know the "i cant remember what my glasses are? my bag?" and the next stage of accusing that the minded children have taken her channel changer, but the worst is at the moment, its so bad that she cant even make a cup of tea, she has been unable to cook and has had meals on wheels delivering to her for the past year, (which has now been stopped by the council to everyone.) She is now in the habbit of wandering round to my mums house, fortuanatly there are no roads to cross, but now she is doing it at least twice a day and at the weekend she walked straight past and got lost and a neighbour at the end of the road called the police to take her home (none of which she can remember even a couple of hours later) and told the police officers, when they pointed to the family picture, that we were her friends, which broke my mum's heart (she has no recolection of me any more and who i am to her, but still lets me in her home and gets in to my car which scares me)

we are all worried about her now as we are going away next week (which we booked before she started walking around) my mum feels guilty about leaving her like this but she needs a break not only from her job but from her mum too, if anyone could suggest how to get round this (we have about 3 people arranged to go and visit her every day already) we just dont want the situation like at the weekend to happen again - i'm sorry to go on but it would be nice to know how other people are dealing with this? and if they have any suggestions - thanks for listening/reading

 

[pescy]

Hello,
My mum also wanders all day long. I didn't know what to do as she also had started stealing items from the shops ( definitely not intentionally!) and obviously needed someone with her when she went out. In the end i contacted social services, and they suggested a sitting service. Mum now has a carer come for four hours a day which works out brilliantly.I've just had a phone call tonight to say that mum has been caught stealing from River Island!(She has good taste!) So i need to ring Social Services tomorrow to see if they can do the sitting service for longer each day!
Good luck

 

[Brucie]

Hi Caz52

what you describe seems to be an unsustainable situation. Probably because you as a family have coped so far, there has been no other help, but now you need to explore what is available, both for your grandma's sake and your own peace of mind.

I'd suggest the GP or consultant as the first step and he may be able to get social services involved and other help as well.

Leaving her when you go on holiday may well spoil your holiday as you worry, but more importantly, it may put her at some risk.

I'd be looking urgently at doing something tomorrow as these things take time to sort out.

 

[Margarita]

its so bad that she cant even make a cup of tea, she has been unable to cook and has had meals on wheels delivering to her for the past year,

Where , who organized meal on wheels for your grandmother in the past ?

In my area I would of needed to have contacted social services .

If its social services, it be best to get them involved again , ring them Now . tell them that your mother going on holiday, it may be to late for it now , but then saying that they can organize cover or even respite care home in an emergency .

Just tell them your grandmother VA has progressed now , before your mother book the holiday & your mother feels she can not be left alone . What can they do to help your grandmother . Don't worry about saying its an emergency, it Just bring more help more faster for your grandmother .

 

[Caz52]

thank you for all your replies and yes we have been dealing with social services before. it may have to be an emergency situation.

the council have stopped the meal on wheels now because of cuts in their budget... not really sure whats going to happen now as they are only now offering frozen meals which is no good for my grandma. its not like she will go hungry though, my mum takes food to her every day anyway.

I will get my mum to look in to having sitting carers, so that she has company for a good few hours, it may help in detering her from going out during the day, thank you for all our advice and stories.

 

[Margarita]

it may help in detering her from going out during the day

Not trying to stress you out or anything . Just throwing around a few idea's for the future after the holiday .

You may find what may help your grandmother is getting your grandmother into a day center during the week, you could ask SS now as your grandmother may need to go on a waiting list.

Like that your grandmother will have company during the day , also your grandmother will get cook a meal there .

So also giving your mother a break, keeping your grandmother out of a care home for long as possibility.

Because the going out & wondering getting lost only gets worse , as I found out with my mother .

That they need 24/7 supervision.

 

[Caz52]

for a very long time my grandma has always said no (and stongly disagreed with my mum to a point where my grandma is shouting at my mum) to going to a home that was until today. after hearing from you all i rang her to discuss some of the options that we could look in to, my mum then mentioned that she had told grandma that if she keeps wandering while were away, and with people comimg to see her every morning and evening, that when they next go on holiday she may have to go to a care home for a week, and by the sound of it grandma reluctantly agreed with my mum. and with what people are saying about this situation getting worse, it may have to be sooner rather than later.

We have all of our neighbours on alert now just in case it does happen while we are away and they have been so helpful and caring (to be honest most of them have noticed her walking around anyway, and know of my grandma's condition as my mum and neighbours love to have a good chat)so fingers crossed it will be ok.

Myself, i am in the situation where i have detached myself from her now as she no long realises who i am, i dont know if that is really the right thing to do but when she now comes out with "who's that??" to my yonger brother it doesn't seem to affect me so much (when she first said it i went home to my fiance and cried for most of the evening) but seeing the effect it has on my mum hurts me alot and i know i need to be there for her now, she is so worried and so wound up by everything that sometimes she releases her anger at me for stupid little things, which i dont mind about because i know what is really about.

thank you for listning/reading it has been a great help to me.