Will mum cope with Christmas?

[Cazabelle]

Hello all. My mum has mixed dementia and is very confused (i.e. date, time, place and sometimes forgetting us/ husband) but she is still at home and able to dress herself etc (if with a little assistance). I live away with my husband (no kids) as does my brother, his wife and kids. I thought it would be nice to all spend Christmas day at mine as I have room and to enable mum to see the grandkids etc, maybe for the last time (or last time of knowing us given the rate of progression). Also I wanted to give my dad (main caregiver) a break for a few days. The idea was to treat it as a mini holiday for them both in a safe environment.
I'm now worrying about everything. The 3 hour drive her and dad will do to come here. The disorientation and fear of not being in her home environment. The noise from 2 noisey 3 year olds (Christmas day only) and the agitation this will cause.
Does anyone have experience of taking a relative out of their home environment for Christmas and how did it go? I hope I've done the right thing.

Merry Christmas to you all and hope its as stress free as possible.

Caz
X

 

[LadyA]

@Cazabelle I'd love to tell you it's all going to be fine, and your mum (and everyone else) will enjoy it. In all honesty though, I would have reservations. As you say, the strange environment, the unfamiliarity of the situation, the long drive, the crowd, the noise.

Is there any way you can prepare a quiet place for your mum and dad to retreat to, if things start looking tense? A spare room with an armchair or two and a TV, a bed if she needs a nap? Wouldn't be ideal, but might make all the difference.

 

[Beate]

All I can say it depends. Two years ago my OH enjoyed the noise and the bustle of a busy Christmas Party immensely - a year later he didn't anymore. You know your Mum better than us but I would plan for all eventualities - a quiet room she can retreat to and time out from too many people or too much sensory stimulation. And maybe break up the drive with a coffee stop.

 

[Tin]

All you have said will probably happen and a quiet space would be a good idea, but how does your father feel about this break? is it something he really wants to do. The 3 hour drive does make my hair stand on end, driving a long distance with a dementia sufferer is very hard. Any chance someone else can do this drive for them?

 

[Frank68]

Hi Caz,
Predicting how this sort of situation will turn out is extremely difficult - even for close family! My wife is happily and well settled in a Carehome, so we thought it would be nice to try a night out at our daughters an hour away where we visit for a few hours from time to time and where she seems happy. But bedtime came - and NO way was that going to happen! - so I found myself driving back to the Carehome (after several glasses of wine....) . We tried it once more - thinking just like you that it would be nice for Christmas - but same happened. But everyone is so different, and variable from day to day, it might work for you - who knows....?
If it doesn't work, then a three-hour drive home in the dark would be no joke for anyone....
This awful dementia business is like living on shifting sands with the need for families to continually adapt to the needs / shrinking world / happiness of our loved ones. I know I sometimes want to hold on to the precious activities of the past - when really Sue is happiest just in the present moment and in her now familiar surroundings most of the time.
So difficult Caz - I really feel for you - but I do hear you voicing serious concerns which maybe need heeding?
Whatever you decide, I hope you can manage to get some family time together and enjoy something of the Christmas season.
Frank