Saying hello

[Sapphire 1]

Hi everyone, I have just joined Talking Point and would like to tell you a bit about myself. Two years ago my husband was diagnosed with Dementia at the age of 60. It came as a complete shock to our family.


All our children have left home so I’m mainly on my own with him. The first year after his diagnosis was horrendous for our family as my husband became very paranoid, distrusting and aggressive, which led to several altercations with my youngest son, which got pretty scary. Thankfully he is now on medication that has helped with these symptoms and he is much calmer most of the time.


It has been very difficult for us as a family to come to terms with his condition and to understand what the future holds. The thing I have found most difficult is getting help as I’m still working 3 days a week and finding it extremely stressful keeping tabs on him when I’m out at work. Does anyone know where to go for help?

 

[LadyA]

Hello @Sapphire 1 and welcome. I'm sorry to hear of the difficulties you've been having, but glad that the medication is working well for your husband.

Have you been in touch with Social Services for a Needs Assessment for your husband and a Carer's Assessment for yourself? If not, I think that would be a good next step for you.

 

[Sapphire 1]

Hello @Sapphire 1 and welcome. I'm sorry to hear of the difficulties you've been having, but glad that the medication is working well for your husband.

Have you been in touch with Social Services for a Needs Assessment for your husband and a Carer's Assessment for yourself? If not, I think that would be a good next step for you.

Hi LadyA, I have been in touch with Social Services several times. The duty officer always takes notes and says they will pass my information on to an Social Worker and get them to call me back when they are free, but they never do. I'm so frustrated and fell very alone. My children are great and do their best to help me, but they all have young children so there's only so much they can do.

Thanks for the advice

 

[LadyA]

Hi LadyA, I have been in touch with Social Services several times. The duty officer always takes notes and says they will pass my information on to an Social Worker and get them to call me back when they are free, but they never do. I'm so frustrated and fell very alone. My children are great and do their best to help me, but they all have young children so there's only so much they can do.

Thanks for the advice

Write or email. Keep copies of all correspondence, so you have a paper trail. Get names whenever you talk to anyone. And don't be fobbed off - you are entitled to these Assessments, at the very least.

 

[SnowWhite]

Hello Sapphire and welcome. I agree with the "paper trail" suggestion and drop in the words "safeguarding" as that seems to be the buzz word that gets them moving.

Also speak to your local Alzheimers support group or go along to a group if you can find time.

take care xx

 

[Philbo]

Hi Sapphire and welcome.

My wife was 63 when diagnosed, which took about 9 months from first persuading her to see our GP. In reality, she'd been showing the signs for a good couple of years prior to this but her reluctance to see anyone about it, plus a certain amount of "head in the sand" on my part lead to the delays, though the outcome would not have been any different.

I guess the first year I tried to ignore it a bit, you know, keeping things as normal as possible? As her condition got worse and I had to start taking on more an more of the things I'd previously taken for granted, I realised I needed to start looking for more information and advice (my wife, by now, was blissfully unaware that there was anything wrong).

I found out about a local dementia support group and we went along to their monthly coffee morning. Whilst I don't thing my wife got much out of it, the lovely people there (most of who were either carers themselves of ex-carers) gave such fantastic advice. I came out of the morning armed with a bunch of leaflets about various support organisation, plus recommendations of who best to contact.

One of the charitable organisations was able to arrange (in partnership with our county council) for my wife to get a tracker-type "watch", which was a great comfort (I had lost her a couple of times whilst out and about). I didn't realise that because the LA had funded this, they automatically allocate a case worker, so when I recently contacted them about day care opportunities in our area, I received a call fairly quickly and we got a visit from a social worker (case manager) who will be our point of contact.

It may be worth ringing them again and ask for the name of your husband's case worker and contact details? If they can't (or won't) oblige, then insist on an urgent referral, using the words that SnowFlake has suggested.

Good luck
Phil

 

[nae sporran]

Morning @Sapphire 1, others have mentioned Social Services and carers groups. Our local care support centre has an advocacy service for carers, can I suggest googling carers trust and see if you have a local centre which can do that. Best of luck, Rob

 

[Sapphire 1]

Morning @Sapphire 1, others have mentioned Social Services and carers groups. Our local care support centre has an advocacy service for carers, can I suggest googling carers trust and see if you have a local centre which can do that. Best of luck, Rob

Thank you Nae, I have tried Social Services several times but we never seem to be a priority for them. We are still waiting seven months later for them to call us back.

 

[Sapphire 1]

Write or email. Keep copies of all correspondence, so you have a paper trail. Get names whenever you talk to anyone. And don't be fobbed off - you are entitled to these Assessments, at the very least.

Thank you so much for the advice. I will continue to battal on.

Take care x