hi im a newbe,any advice please?

[rosebud1]

hi im a 43 yr old woman,whos not in the best of health myself i care for my 78yr old who has dementia,the past few yrs her memory has got worse,hoarding,ocd behavour etc,she also believes that close members of the family have been stealing on her,this ranges from silly things like butter,vases,blankets paperweights etc etc.she has told close family not to come into her home anylonger,then made up,and spoke to them but still believing that they stole,then it starts all over again the screaming and shouting etc.my biggest worry is until just last week i being the only daughter and main carer,she accused me of taking half a loaf,bleach etc.anyhow she has now ask for her house keys back,which doctor has told me to keep as she lives alone and i admin all her medication.i ask for urgent appt to talk to the consultant over a week ago,but im at my wits end and finding it realy hard to cope,if theirs anyone can give bit of advice it would be most wellcome,in meantime im on the phone again to dr in the morning.thanks rosebud

 

[Kriss]

Hi Rosebud

welcome to the TP family. There'll be lots of practical advice coming along from those more up to date than me (Dad and Aunty have been gone awhile now) so hang on in there and someone will be along shortly. On the key issue I would get some more cut before you give the others back!

Kriss

 

[helen.tomlinson]

Hello Rosebud1

Copying the keys is a very good idea. I was wondering what, if any, support do you get. Perhaps a call to your local Alzheimers Society and asking for a visit might be helpful (it certainly was to me).

Being accused of stealing seems to be something many people have written about on Talking Point and seems to be part of the illness but, even so, it doesn't make it any easier to cope with I suppose.

Hope you find Talking Point supportive.

Best wishes Helen

 

[Taffy]

Hello and welcome to TP,

My mum also accused people of stealing things it's very stressing to deal with, if it's any comfort it did pass. Many of the items that mum thought stolen were actually items she had decades back. I can understand your distress and hope that you can find a solution.

Good Luck, Taffy.

 

[bert]

hi there rosebud. my dad is 78 and lives on a diet of bacon, eggs, mushrooms and GUINNESS! lately he is convinced that my girlfriend and cousins are stealing his food from the fridge (they're not). he's started hiding bacon in his wardrobe and cupboards,even though i buy nearly all of it anyway. sorry i dont have any advice but you're not on your own

all the best

bert

 

[alfjess]

Hi Rosebud

If you can, just let accusations of stealing go over your head.

I know it isn't nice to be called a thief, but while you will be upset for hours, your Mum will have forgotten it in minutes, especially if you can find the lost item or replace the lost food.

Looking under the pillow, mattress, in beside cabinets or even under the bed, I found to be productive.
I have found teabags (the dreaded teabags, see former posts)bananas, biscuits, soap, cups, the list is extensive and all because Mum believed the whole family were stealing from her.

Believe me, we have no need to steal biscuits, bananas etc and it can be upsetting, but try to see the humour in the stuation, it helps

If I can suggest that you try to get all the help you can Re. Social Services, IE. Daycare, daily carers, befrienders and whatever else is on offer.
If your Mum refuses carers (like mine) I introduced them as my friends. Daycare was a "club", we never referred to Daycare.

Alzheimers Society may be able to help, it is worth a phone call

Take care and best of luck

Love
Alfjess

 

[fearful fiona]

Hello Rosebud,

Welcome to the club. I went through accusations of stealing for a long time with my Mum. She mostly accused the carers who were looking after my Dad and even rang the agency and gave them a list of what had been stolen! Fortunately, they didn't take it seriously as they knew it was part of the illness and that is what we have to tell ourselves, difficult though it is.

She also accused my brother of stealing her car (which had been sold with her there) and called the police on a number of occasions. They too, fortunately, were used to this sort of thing.

As Alfjess has said, if you can find humour in the situation, it helps without of course actually laughing at the person involved. My Mum's "stolen" list included a duvet!!

Good luck!

 

[alfjess]

Hi Fiona

No, Mum never accused anyone of stealing her duvet, but in and around the bed was where the treasure was nearly always hidden
Including Dad's shoes under his pillow and him sleeping on them all night, an old Navy habit my husband,said

Of course I didn't mean laugh,at them, but just see the funny side of things.

I know this isn't easy some of the time, when you are feeling stressed and at the end of your tether.

Love
Alfjess

 

[fearful fiona]

Hello Alfjess,

I know you didn't mean "laugh at them" but I'm a bit sensitive about that sort of thing, because I know there are people out there who do laugh at the illness, rather than see the funny side of things as a bit of a release.

You and I have had pretty similar experiences this year. I have missed a lot of your posts, but hope things are settling down for you as they are for me.