Does Not Flush Toilet Anymore

[Diannie]

my husband is now in his fourth year with Alzheimer’s. He has now stopped flushing the toilet after use. No amount of reminders from me registers. I am now on edge if we visit friends or relatives and he needs the loo. Do I follow him and hover outside and check it out when he’s been. How do I explain to people without embarrassment? Any tips would be helpful. Thank you

 

[Beate]

Do you know the saying "If it's yellow, let it mellow, if it's brown, flush it down"?

Relax. Just go in after he's finished and flush. Explain it to friends and family matter of factly. Don't make a big deal out of it.

 

[mab]

Hi Diannie,
Yes!! You follow him in. If his Alzheimers is already 4 years in, I would expect that family and friends are already aware of the issue. Might I suggest you keep an eye on him and follow into the toilet to ensure all is well. No offence intended to other TPers but there are many, relatively, alert amongst us who leave a toilet in an undesirable state......... In the grand scheme of dementia, this is a troublesome, but still manageable issue.

 

[Sammie234]

I would go in after him just say I’m desperate for the loo if he sees you hovering around.

 

[lemonjuice]

Might I suggest you keep an eye on him and follow into the toilet to ensure all is well. .............In the grand scheme of dementia, this is a troublesome, but still manageable issue.

I would go in after him just say I’m desperate for the loo if he sees you hovering around.

Excellent replies and suggestion here.

 

[Diannie]

Thank you for your replies. I will do as you suggest. I realise prompting him now will just stress him.

 

[lemonjuice]

I realise prompting him now will just stress him.

You're right there. One thing they tend to react badly to is being corrected' or 'overseen' and one has to find ways round 'overseeing them' without making it obvious.

 

[Amethyst59]

I just go afterwards...and clean up. I do it at home too, if we have visitors...reminding doesn’t help. Some of these things are easier just to accept...and do what we have to do. My husband is at this stage too...and we’ve got it pretty easy compared to some.

 

[Everton Annie]

My husband also doesn't and worse when our youngest son was still at home as he got the blame. I just keep checking both toilets and have just warned family, as friends aren't around any more. Also if family stay over I always remind them to leave the seat up and to put the light on when they go in just in case there are puddles on the floor at night. It's one way they can help me by just dealing with it. No point reminding husband easier to just do it and keep an eye on trouser zip especially if we are out.

 

[Philbo]

I agree with Beate (and others) - it's best just to deal with toileting assistance matter of factly.

My wife is incontinent and wears pull-up pants. She very rarely takes herself to the toilet, though will sometimes either indicate the need by getting a bit twitchy or sometimes goes in the loo but just stands there. So I preempt things by taking her regularly, which works fine at home but it's more difficult when out and about.

Our friends in our local pub are understanding and a couple of the ladies even try taking her to the loo but she very rarely "goes" when they do. It doesn't have a disabled toilet so if she does get twitchy, I have resorted to taking her in the ladies, prepared to deal with any embarrassment if someone else comes in.

Most people are very understanding and wait outside. I did have one young lady come rushing in the other Saturday night - I explained that I was helping my wife and she indicated that she was not bothered, needed a wee and carried on as if I wasn't there! I said to my wife " see, that's what you're supposed to do!!"

 

[jennypie]

I’ve learnt whatever is happening it’s a phase and they tend to move on to the next one so just go with it. At the moment it’s not not flushing it’s flushing several times so I’m saying don’t waste water which falls on deaf ears!

 

[lemonjuice]

I’ve learnt whatever is happening it’s a phase and they tend to move on to the next one so just go with it. At the moment it’s not not flushing it’s flushing several times so I’m saying don’t waste water which falls on deaf ears!

I presume you've tried the trick of putting a brick into the cistern to reduce the amount of water in the cistern. As he flushes several times it will probably still flush, but reduce the water bill.