Emotions on a roller coaster

[Molly6]

Confused

Thanks Cathykins
I'm so confused because dad actually apologised for the terrible things he said but I just can't understand how he knows or remembers what he said ? The hospital team don't either. The personality changes within minutes sometimes. Part of me thinks he knows he's losing himself and is devastated but then he lays and has bizzare conversations with nobody there , I've watched him, quite happy telling his stories about all sorts of things that he has seen and thinks he's done while hallucinating. It's all so confusing. Does anyone relate to this ? X
I have my answer. Went to see dad and the man opposite told me that the nurses and him told dad that he said awful things to me so they fetched the phone to let dad apologise . Nothing more has been said but had such a extraordinary time with him today his hallucinations and chat were amazing not scary for him but pleasant. He was out last night at a party sitting next to a gherkin and took his own sausages etc etc off the scale but I have to say it's been the most relaxed pleasant time for such a long time and although heartbroken I'm smiling about this afternoon xxx
I hope you all have some days like this xxx

 

[Molly6]

Today the time has come the hospital called for me to see the doctor and she said the time had come for my dad . He hasn't responded to treatment for pneumonia so they are taking him off meds and he'll probably be gone in few days . It's surreal and I'm in a state, this cruel disease came fairly quick for my dad and I lost him months ago but tonight I'm heartbroken. I found this site late but it helped to read others stories this week. sadly will have to tell mum who has dementia as well it's such a tortuous time . Bless my lovely dad ❤️❤️❤️

 

[canary]

((((((hugs))))))) @Molly6 . We will hold your virtual hand.
When mum passed away it was 9 days after she was put on palliative care only, so please pace yourself and make sure you get sleep. The carers/nurses will know when the final hours have come as the breathing changes.
During this time go and talk to her, read to her, comb her hair, put moisturiser on her skin (it will get very dry) and make sure she is as comfortable as possible
xxx

 

[Elaine68]

Hi I am going through palliative care at the moment with my OH we are being visited next Wednesday I have been writing on caring for a partner with dementia so you can catch up with my story there. I am not in a good place most days I try for him but my heart is breaking it's got to be the worst thing sitting waiting for him to die we are told just weeks now how do I handle this I want to scream and cry I don't want him to leave me behind but with all his other illnesses apart from alzheimers and parkinsons I don't wish him to suffer. I have just come across this forum and felt I wanted to write and say how I feel I am scared, full of pain, I can not eat and just feel so lost in my emotions I can not focus on anything anymore. On top of all this my brother as got cancer and he 's not got long to live he's only just told me everything I seem to be fighting so many demons at the moment I just hope I don't crack up.

 

[Moggymad]

@Elaine68 don't know what to say to try & comfort you. I am so sorry to read of your pain. A friend of mine who had to go through the anguish of palliative care was told to write his partner a letter telling her everything that he was feeling. He did, it was an outlet for the emotions he couldn't otherwise express to her & of course she never read it but somehow it did help him. Wishing you strength, on TP you are never alone X

 

[Elaine68]

@Elaine68 don't know what to say to try & comfort you. I am so sorry to read of your pain. A friend of mine who had to go through the anguish of palliative care was told to write his partner a letter telling her everything that he was feeling. He did, it was an outlet for the emotions he couldn't otherwise express to her & of course she never read it but somehow it did help him. Wishing you strength, on TP you are never alone X

Thank you for your support think I will have ago at writing everything down and get it out of my
System but it's a good day today I don't feel down for some reson I feel peaceful inside which I have not done for a while I feel like it's like any normal day with out illness and worrying about death may be I have just now accepted whats coming pity I can not do more for him.
Life is a pain sometimes it's hard saying good bye when you love them so much and owe such a lot to them he's my soul mate.
I feel in the short time I have been posting on TP I have made friends with good people I never thought I would and I thank my blessings for that.x

 

[LadyA]

It's a special kind of pain, @Elaine68 , to have to just sit there and watch someone you love dying, and wonder about the time when "we" becomes "I". I can't help you through it, but we are here, the large TP family, many of whom have already been down the hard path you are travelling at the moment, and we can tell you that you will be ok. Not soon. But there will come a day. Meanwhile, do keep on posting. It does help, I found.

 

[Elaine68]

It's a special kind of pain, @Elaine68 , to have to just sit there and watch someone you love dying, and wonder about the time when "we" becomes "I". I can't help you through it, but we are here, the large TP family, many of whom have already been down the hard path you are travelling at the moment, and we can tell you that you will be ok. Not soon. But there will come a day. Meanwhile, do keep on posting. It does help, I found.

Thank you LadyA for your kind words much appreciated I have spoken to the heart nurse as we are back at hospital thursday and they are now thinking of giving him a blood transfusion as his red blood cells are low she asked how he was going on I said well his breathing is alot better and he's looking much better in himself strange. The palliative nurse is coming tomorrow but now they think we are not ready yet but we are now on the system lets see I just hope I am not building my hopes up. I will keep posting thanks.

 

[Elaine68]

Hi everything in place with St Lukes nurse , district nurses and heart nurse we went back Thursday to hospital and was told he's got no better but he's got no worse he's just stable and they are going to give him IV Iron infusion to get his red cells up which is good. He seems ok a bit sleepy but eats well and breathing pretty good and now it's been said it could be months and not weeks like they thought I don't think they really know the heart is a funny thing but we will keep fighting.