A year ago

[NanLorac]

A year ago now, (2am) my husband wouldn't let me help him on to the commode by the bed, he was swearing and trying to hurt me.

Things were getting bad for a few days and my son had to come over to get him off the floor earlier in the night as he couldn't get up himself and he was trying to hurt me. My son put him to bed and waited till he was asleep before heading home.
So a year ago I was up all night trying to keep out of his way but also trying to help him into a chair if he went to sit down, as with PCA and severe spatial awareness he couldn't get himself in a chair. At 7am I phoned my son as my husband tried to sit on the end of the bed and had slipped onto the floor. My son came over helped his Dad up and told me I just had to phone Social services. I did and my husband went in to a care home the following day for 2 days respite, then it was a few days, then I was told he needed full time care so he never came home. I had horrendous problems with the first home then he moved in November to a better home but because of the spatial problems he kept putting himself on the floor ( probably the safest place to him )so they gave me 3 weeks notice to get him another care home as he was a danger to himself and others sitting on the floor.

I thought I was doing ok the past few months but now it's the first anniversaries and everything is flooding back.This week I am reliving every moment and I am in bits. I took my lovely husband to the GP in March 2012 and he passed away in March this year aged 66yrs. Sometimes I look round and go, did all this really happen in the past 5 yrs.

Carol

 

[marionq]

A year ago now, (2am) my husband wouldn't let me help him on to the commode by the bed, he was swearing and trying to hurt me.

Things were getting bad for a few days and my son had to come over to get him off the floor earlier in the night as he couldn't get up himself and he was trying to hurt me. My son put him to bed and waited till he was asleep before heading home.
So a year ago I was up all night trying to keep out of his way but also trying to help him into a chair if he went to sit down, as with PCA and severe spatial awareness he couldn't get himself in a chair. At 7am I phoned my son as my husband tried to sit on the end of the bed and had slipped onto the floor. My son came over helped his Dad up and told me I just had to phone Social services. I did and my husband went in to a care home the following day for 2 days respite, then it was a few days, then I was told he needed full time care so he never came home. I had horrendous problems with the first home then he moved in November to a better home but because of the spatial problems he kept putting himself on the floor ( probably the safest place to him )so they gave me 3 weeks notice to get him another care home as he was a danger to himself and others sitting on the floor.

I thought I was doing ok the past few months but now it's the first anniversaries and everything is flooding back.This week I am reliving every moment and I am in bits. I took my lovely husband to the GP in March 2012 and he passed away in March this year aged 66yrs. Sometimes I look round and go, did all this really happen in the past 5 yrs.

Carol

Carol it is hard to make any sense out of the dementia journey. Over the years my heart had felt broken so many times I just ran out of tears and attempts to reason about it.

Like so much in life you have to put the best possible foot forward looking for new areas to be interested in and concentrating on your health and well being.

We will hopefully hear from you at a later date when things are improving for you. Keep in touch and good wishes.

 

[Grannie G]

I read your post earlier Carol and couldn't`t think what to say. I'm back now still not knowing what to say but don't want you to think no one cares.

I can say I know how you feel. I can also say no one can help, we just have to live through it.

One day you may have five minutes of peace of mind. It`s likely to be a shock to you and you'll probably feel guilty.

It will get better , in time.

 

[LadyA]

Sylvia is right. There is no way around grief, you just have to go through it, and there is no way of hurrying it. Grieving will take its own time. It's just over two years since my husband died. And I can say that it does get easier. The loss is always there. There is a sense of, not "lonliness", but "aloneness", even when with others. That sense of your other half being gone. However, life does get better again, and life does go on, and it brings you with it. That's the way of life. There are now many more good days, but still, now and then, something will stab.


It's only months since you lost your husband, Carol. No time at all. It's just a case of putting each day past you, and knowing that you will be ok. xx

 

[NanLorac]

Thank you for your replies. A family friend died 2 weeks ago and I think that brought everything to the surface, I spent Christmas day last year with him and his wife. My 2 grandchildren stayed with me from 9am Friday until 3pm yesterday while my son and daughter in law when to the funeral and that kept me busy on Friday and helped a lot.

Carol x