Social services followup #2 - DIY

[northumbrian_k]

Having not heard anything more about our adult and carer assessments carried out in June I rang the 'nice lady' from the council today. After some initial delay deciding whether she would speak to me I was put through. Should we have had sight of the assessments says I or perhaps a care plan? Have you not received them, perhaps we are waiting for the financial assessment says she. Surely the care plan is based on needs and not dependent upon the financial assessment, especially as we will be self-funding ...

The call ended with a promise to send the details out to me and advice on a suitable care provider should I wish to go ahead 'privately'. So I have done so today, getting in touch with 3 providers who might be able to offer the home support that I need in order to get a few hours to myself on a scheduled basis. As I follow up these approaches I expect that my wife will get upset, give me lots of negative comments and call me a few names. But the time has come to put her needs and my own above what she thinks she wants. She can't be left alone and I can't go on being on-call with no respite. The start of a major step-change in how we face dementia together but one that may be positive in its effects. Here's hoping.

 

[Baker17]

Having not heard anything more about our adult and carer assessments carried out in June I rang the 'nice lady' from the council today. After some initial delay deciding whether she would speak to me I was put through. Should we have had sight of the assessments says I or perhaps a care plan? Have you not received them, perhaps we are waiting for the financial assessment says she. Surely the care plan is based on needs and not dependent upon the financial assessment, especially as we will be self-funding ...

The call ended with a promise to send the details out to me and advice on a suitable care provider should I wish to go ahead 'privately'. So I have done so today, getting in touch with 3 providers who might be able to offer the home support that I need in order to get a few hours to myself on a scheduled basis. As I follow up these approaches I expect that my wife will get upset, give me lots of negative comments and call me a few names. But the time has come to put her needs and my own above what she thinks she wants. She can't be left alone and I can't go on being on-call with no respite. The start of a major step-change in how we face dementia together but one that may be positive in its effects. Here's hoping.

This approach from the people you would expect to be able to help seems pretty normal from my experience, I ended up looking for respite care myself, their approach is worse than useless hope you can get something in place so as you get some respite from the daily pressures you face

 

[cobden28]

This sort of attitude from hospital authorities doesn't just apply to people with dementia. I had a heart attack a month ago and was discharged home as soon as I was deemed medically fit, which happened to be on a Saturday. My daughter had been staying over to look after my two small dogs but had to travel back to London the next day Sunday for work on the Monday. I live alone with no friends or family living locally who are able to help out, so I asked the ward nurses to organise a hospital social worker who could put some sort of temporary home help system in place.

I was told that the hospital doesn't do that sort of thing any more and that I had my wits about me so should be able to organise any home help for myself; no list of useful contact numbers was given me and with my discharge happening at the weekend there wasn't anything I could do straight away. I hadn't a clue how to go about organising. finding and funding a home help and it was only thanks to the mother of a friend of my daughter, who works for the local NHS, coming up with the number for the local Red Cross that I was able to get something organised.

To cut a long story short, I was referred by the red Cross to the local branch of Age Concern who, because I was referred to them by the Red Cross and hadn't contacted them direct, are providing me with 8 weeks of home help at 2 hours per week for tasks like bed-changing, dusting & vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom. They don't take my rubbish sacks out front for collection and don't clean up after pets; they would do my grocery shopping form the nearest supermarket but I don't need the shopping service thanks to the internet and home delivery from Tesco. if I want the service to continue after the 8 weeks I then have to start paying, and at £13 an hour or £26 a week if I have 2 hrs a week that's my entire weekly grocery budget taken up .

Not sure whether Age Concern and the Red Cross offer this kind of service for everyone being discharged from hospital or only because of my age (I'm 62), but it might be worth considering, perhaps.

 

[JaquelineM]

I'm glad to read that you have taken this step northumbrian_k , from your posts it has sounded for a while that you are badly in need of some support and to have some time for yourself . I hope you will stick to your guns and not let your wife's opposition ( for want of a better word ) , if it happens, change your mind . Speaking for my own experience my OH is furious everytime my sitters turn up and I get called all sorts of names , but there comes a time , as you say , when what the PWD thinks /feels has to take second place to the needs of the carer , what is the point of getting so exhausted and ground down that you may be in danger of having a breakdown of some kind , which won't be good for anyone concerned . I wish you good luck with it , all the best