New member! :)

[Prutts5]

Hello All,

Thought I would introduce myself! I'm 25 and my Granddad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about a year ago and is now getting to the stage where he is really starting to struggle with communication. However he seems to have his good days and bad days but definately getting worse
It's sad to see and hard not to try and prompt him, I know he feels really embarrassed and gets frustrated when he can't think of what he wants to say.
I was chatting to him when we were alone and he apologized for not being able to speak properly and went on to tell me how he can't remember how to play the organ, that he sits in front of it and it seems to have just vanished out of his head. I found this really sad as he has had a lifetimes pleasure out of it.
I'm also feeling guilty as I have distanced myself from him at times to save his embarrassment but have now realized that this would be the last thing he wanted and so I am going to make sure I don't do that in the fuuture.
He still lives with my Grandma (they are both in their 80's), my Grandma is sharp as a knife but not physically strong so I'm feeling anxious about what the future will hold for them both, as obviously he is going to get worse.
Both my parents are from medical backgrounds so we have good knowledge from that perspective. I just feel sad as I know that my Granddad feared the disease and from what I have heard things don't get any better.

Phew!! Didn't mean to write so much! I would love to hear if anyone has any advice, although my family know what is happening it's hard to talk about it because it's a huge reality check.

Thanks to anyone who has taken the time to read this xxx

 

[Lynette]

Hi
Really sorry to hear about your grandad. Its great that you are thinking things through from his perspective - he's lucky to have such a caring gran-daughter - my mother is 76 and suffers from Vascular Dementia - speech was one of the first things that affected her too. My mother never really told me she was having problems in the early stages - I think it must be a relief for your grandad to admit it and have your support - must be better than worrying yourself sick which was probably the case for my mum. There were lots of things my mother couldn't do - pretty much all the stuff you take for granted - but it just meant finding things she could still enjoy and concentrating on them instead. As you say you have access to the facts about the disease - this is great. I have found it a big comfort to learn and read all I could - but at the end of the day I feel it is the loving smile, the gentle touch and just the love you send out to them that will mean everything in the end.
All the best for the journey ahead.
Best Lyn

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Prutts

Welcome to Talking Point [TP]

There isn`t much I can give you in the way of advice other than to be as supportive as possible to both grandparents. Your grandfather is the one with Alzheimers but your grandmother is the one who will be doing the caring, and watch her husband of many years try to struggle against the symptoms.

I hope you will feel well supported by TP. It is a great source of strength and comfort to many.

Love xx

 

[Skye]

Hi Prutts, welcome to TP.

I'm sorry to hear about your grandad, it not an easy illness to live with, either for the person who is suffering from it or for the family. It's good that you care enough to come to us and talk about it.

Please don't be afraid of visiting, you grandparents both need all the support they can get just now. And also, don't be afraid to prompt your grandad if he is struggling for a word. My husband also lost his language at an early stage, and I founf it was kinder to help out, rather than have him frustrated that he couldn't say what he wanted to say.

it is the loving smile, the gentle touch and just the love you send out to them that will mean everything in the end.

That really says it all! Just love them both, and the rest will follow.

Love,

 

[Pollyanna]

Hello

I have not posted before, but I wanted to reply to your message as our situations are very similar.

My Grandma has been diagnosed in the last few days and despite all the signs beign there it was still a shock. I think she may be a few steps further down the line that your Grandad.

She has been forgetful for a while and her communication has got worse. When I visit we have the same discussion again and again.

She gets very frustrated too because she knows she can't remember things and it is hard to see her struggle. I help her now and the relief on her face is obvious.

She struggle's with questions. So I don't ask any!

My family can talk easily about this, we have for a while and I feel that's important. I realise that there is going to be tough times ahead for my Nan, my Mum and the rest of the family but it's as if we're on the journey together!

I hope you will be able to talk to your family. I expect that you'll all going to need support from each other.

x

 

[Skye]

Hi Pollyanna, welcome to TP.

Thank you for your post, I hope you'll find lots of support on here.

Best wishes,

 

[Prutts5]

Hi Pollyanna

Thank you for your reply, and to everyone else-it's nice to know there's people out there in the same boat!

I think at the moment we are all just getting along with things because although he's been diagnosed a year now, it has been really gradual so far. I think the hardest part will come when he won't be able to look after himself and my Grandma won't be able to help him either, it's kind of a feeling of being in limbo.

I have found that just letting him speak as long as he wants to helps him and like you said Pollyanna-it's the questions that cause frustrations, so I may take this on board and be patient while he talks about whatever he wants! Although he is getting to the stage where he seems to sit quietly if there are a large number of people around. I've also noticed he's started to get a bit unsteady on his feet. He does seem happy most of the time though, he doesn't lose his temper.

It was also a shock when my Grandad was diagnosed, even though like you, we kind of knew it was coming.

Thanks again for all your posts, it's really helpful

xx

 

[andrear]

HI there and welcome to TP.
My dad has dementia and my son visits him once a week. He is 28 and he just lets dad talk away even if it doesn't make any sense. He also takes him out in the car for a short ride, usually to get the lottery ticket. Dad forgets that he has visited but it doesn't matter because the next week he'll do the same. It somehow works rather well.
I think as long as you are OK with it then just enjoy the time you are able to spend with your grandad, let him talk or be quiet, he will appreciate you more for visiting him. And so will your grandma.
Love AndreaX

 

[Debby Short]

Hi Prutts,

Lots of love and support is what your Grandad needs from you. Like the others say avoid questions, especially when a decision has to be made for example would you like tea or coffee, my mum always struggled with that one, so in the end I didn't give her a choice just 'would you like tea'.

You also said you grandad liked to play the organ, and now he can longer play, well perhaps you could find some organ music and play it to him - I made a Music CD for my mum and she loved it.

If you need to talk or let of steam, you know where we all are.
Love
Debby
x