Hi my mum is in a nursing home with dementia and complex needs. She was diagnosed with mixed dementia in 2009 and went into a nursing home 2 years ago after a spell in hospital. Over the past year or so my mum has lived in a parallel world full of conversations and arguments with various people from her life and her childhood, if anyone tries to talk to her she gets agitated and confused as she can't seem to process it.
She has phases of very aggressive behaviour mainly towards the carers when they try to give her any kind of personal care - I've been there when she's like this and have witnessesed her lashing out and name calling, which no amount of soothing words and trying to calm her helps. Mum has been in one of these aggressive phases for the past month and I've become the one who's getting this abuse thrown at me - as she says I've stolen her money, slept with my grandad, stolen her clothes - it goes on and on ...my reaction is to take a little walk around then come back a few minutes later or to change the subject or say nothing and just let her ramble on.. I know it's the dementia speaking but I still find it very upsetting, I laugh it off to people, but I feel very very sad that this is how it it will end, this will sadly be my last kind of contact with my mum as she probably won't live much longer
I'm one of four siblings, one died several years ago and one lives abroad so it's mainly myself and my brother visits mum but it's only me that gets the venom from her. I am probably the closest to her, I'm the one who has made all the decisions for her since her dementia diagnosis and before, I have POA for her finances. I'm the one she calls for all the time when she is upset or confused. I understand that she is probably like this because we are so close and we were such good friends too but it's also very hurtful.
Do other people get this? How do you cope with it?
She has phases of very aggressive behaviour mainly towards the carers when they try to give her any kind of personal care - I've been there when she's like this and have witnessesed her lashing out and name calling, which no amount of soothing words and trying to calm her helps. Mum has been in one of these aggressive phases for the past month and I've become the one who's getting this abuse thrown at me - as she says I've stolen her money, slept with my grandad, stolen her clothes - it goes on and on ...my reaction is to take a little walk around then come back a few minutes later or to change the subject or say nothing and just let her ramble on.. I know it's the dementia speaking but I still find it very upsetting, I laugh it off to people, but I feel very very sad that this is how it it will end, this will sadly be my last kind of contact with my mum as she probably won't live much longer
I'm one of four siblings, one died several years ago and one lives abroad so it's mainly myself and my brother visits mum but it's only me that gets the venom from her. I am probably the closest to her, I'm the one who has made all the decisions for her since her dementia diagnosis and before, I have POA for her finances. I'm the one she calls for all the time when she is upset or confused. I understand that she is probably like this because we are so close and we were such good friends too but it's also very hurtful.
Do other people get this? How do you cope with it?
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