My husband was diagnosed with dementia last September. I suspect that he had been suffering with it for probably 6-7 months before his diagnosis. He is in the very early stages, but today, because he refuses to admit that he has dementia, I had to call an attorney and begin to plan on how to protect our assets as his dementia worsens. I feel terrible, I feel abandon by him because if it were cancer or any other type of illness, he would be the first person to want to make sure that I would be provided for when he is no longer with me. I feel terrible that I feel this way. Our retirement wasn't supposed to be this, we were supposed to enjoy each other's company. I still work, but now will retire next year so what time we do have left we can enjoy together. I am at a loss as to what to expect. I hope I don't sound selfish, I just miss him already.
The reality hit today
- Thread starter Sandygirl
- Start date
Hi Sandygirl
You are not selfish, you are just frustrated at seeing the retirement you worked for being taken away. It's a reality we all have faced & we all deal with it differently.
Some people don't want to accept a diagnosis & others honestly don't think there is anything wrong.
Can you suggest to your OH(other Half) that maybe as you are approaching retirement it would be a good idea to set up LPA's (lasting power of attorney) for both of you for finance and Health & Welfare. You can do it on line (cheaper by far). You can each be each other's attorneys, but with at least one extra each (perhaps 2 for you), so that when that time comes, you are still looked after
We all have to lie a little with this. It's kinder in some ways & just helps you get things done. You could suggest that you are worried in case anything happens to you, that you want to know he will look after you at that time
If you have joint accounts, it's a good idea to separate them out so you can show what is yours if there comes a time when he needs to be assessed
I won't say more at the moment, as you have a lot to sort & it's easier to do it in bite size bits
I did a list & worked through them slowly over several months for mum
On a more positive note, although I thought the world was ending, I've found that by keeping mum calm, her mood swings are (mostly) less & that we can do lots together, albeit at a slower pace
You are not selfish, you are just frustrated at seeing the retirement you worked for being taken away. It's a reality we all have faced & we all deal with it differently.
Some people don't want to accept a diagnosis & others honestly don't think there is anything wrong.
Can you suggest to your OH(other Half) that maybe as you are approaching retirement it would be a good idea to set up LPA's (lasting power of attorney) for both of you for finance and Health & Welfare. You can do it on line (cheaper by far). You can each be each other's attorneys, but with at least one extra each (perhaps 2 for you), so that when that time comes, you are still looked after
We all have to lie a little with this. It's kinder in some ways & just helps you get things done. You could suggest that you are worried in case anything happens to you, that you want to know he will look after you at that time
If you have joint accounts, it's a good idea to separate them out so you can show what is yours if there comes a time when he needs to be assessed
I won't say more at the moment, as you have a lot to sort & it's easier to do it in bite size bits
I did a list & worked through them slowly over several months for mum
On a more positive note, although I thought the world was ending, I've found that by keeping mum calm, her mood swings are (mostly) less & that we can do lots together, albeit at a slower pace
Hi Sandygirl
You are not selfish, you are just frustrated at seeing the retirement you worked for being taken away. It's a reality we all have faced & we all deal with it differently.
Some people don't want to accept a diagnosis & others honestly don't think there is anything wrong.
Can you suggest to your OH(other Half) that maybe as you are approaching retirement it would be a good idea to set up LPA's (lasting power of attorney) for both of you for finance and Health & Welfare. You can do it on line (cheaper by far). You can each be each other's attorneys, but with at least one extra each (perhaps 2 for you), so that when that time comes, you are still looked after
We all have to lie a little with this. It's kinder in some ways & just helps you get things done. You could suggest that you are worried in case anything happens to you, that you want to know he will look after you at that time
If you have joint accounts, it's a good idea to separate them out so you can show what is yours if there comes a time when he needs to be assessed
I won't say more at the moment, as you have a lot to sort & it's easier to do it in bite size bits
I did a list & worked through them slowly over several months for mum
On a more positive note, although I thought the world was ending, I've found that by keeping mum calm, her mood swings are (mostly) less & that we can do lots together, albeit at a slower pace
Hi Sam,
Thank you so much for responding and for being so kind. I have tried everything with OH to have him sign a Power or Attorney, no good. It chaps my hide that the doctor tells him that he has a memory problem and not his real diagnosis, which might make him more aware of the implications. Thank you for the suggestion, I do find that his anger is very close to the surface now. Before he would never, ever yell at me and now he yells at me over the smallest thing. He is also very paranoid over "his" money, when it really is ours and I contribute more than half, but cannot take out 1 single penny without him having a fit. Is this paranoia common?
Thank you.
Hi Sandygirl
I suggested the LPA to mum, saying I was doing it for me & getting my son to act as attorney, so should I do it for her. Put like that, she saw it as sensible. Maybe telling him you are doing it for you anyway, so should you do a 2 for 1 (it's no cheaper sorry). The welfare one means you can discuss what measures you would want if you were hit by the proverbial bus. I have found that by saying its for me, not you, has worked for a few things
His GP may not want to say the official diagnosis to your OH. Some GP's are better than others at handling things. Mum's is a chocolate teapot, but as a retired nurse, she's all too aware of the future
Memory problems seems to be a default setting. Blooming useless, but you have to work with what the GP will say. Turn it in its head & tell your OH that you are worried about getting memory problems, so want to get everything sorted now, while you remember (!!), so you want your wishes protected .... would he like that too
The anger could be frustration. He forgets things, but doesn't want to admit that, so gets angry.
I've found (like many) that cake is great for that. As the temper rises, I go to the loo, pop upstairs to find something, whatever, then walk back in with a smile & "cup of coffee mum, how about some cake". It works 75% of the time
You will hear "you can't argue with dementia" a lot. It's one of the hardest things to do. When someone talks rubbish, you want to correct them, try not to. You won't win & it's just the quickest way to walk away crying. Try really hard to pop to the loo (scream in your head) go back & carry on
Yes. From what I've read fixating on "mine" is common. If you can separate your accounts, maybe say work are insisting on you having an account with only your name on it, (new IT system, isn't it a bore), then transferring the amount to cover bills to a joint one ?? That way, you control the spending with the balance in your account
Early stages are frustrating. Mum still knows what is going on, very illogical but still aware.
No matter what else, try to force yourself to have some time for you. Go for a walk. Go meet a friend every Saturday morning. Whatever it is, take a breather for you. Trust me, you will need it
It does seem to be a common obsession, but if you contribute more than half to joint accounts it is even more important that you consider splitting your finances so, if care needs to be funded, it is only his savings/income which is financially assessed. Can you set up your own account for your salary etc. and then just transfer into a joint account what is needed to pay the bills and so on? I would also keep any future savings separate.
It's a rollercoaster....
Hi Sandygirl,
NO NO and more no, you are not at all selfish!
I'm so sorry you are having a bad time, but before you know it: this will be the new "normal" I never thought that could happen to me again, but slowly,slowly everything will fall in to place and you will learn to live with whatever comes next.....
My life changed in September 2016, that's when my mother in law had a nervous breakdown after looking after her husband for 14 years! We did everything we could to get them help,support and care, but no they did not need it....
I know how frustrating it is when you can see what's needed, but they totally refusing or dening it. What I have learnt is you can take a horse to water .....
DONT be to hard on yourself! You never wanted this, so try not to blame yourself, make time for you. Eat cake, drink wine or learn a new language. Make sure you have a lot of me-time! If you find it hard to talk to family and friends, go for a walk,run or a swim. Don't waste any time on people who don't understand what you are going through. Some people never will! It will be many tears, sleepless days and nights, broken hearts, upsets and tantrums (in my case mainly from me!) mixed in lots of love and laughter!
My father in law is now in a lovely nursing home & I look after his wife, not at all my plan! I had just started a new job after years of being a stay at home mum....
Now I live for the moment. I have managed to puzzle in the kids to summer clubs so I can sill look after mother in law over school holidays.
You are made of stronger stuff than you think! Just need to find the right people and places....
If you need a shoulder or ear I'm here.
Hugs
Mammamu
Hi Sandygirl,
NO NO and more no, you are not at all selfish!
I'm so sorry you are having a bad time, but before you know it: this will be the new "normal" I never thought that could happen to me again, but slowly,slowly everything will fall in to place and you will learn to live with whatever comes next.....
My life changed in September 2016, that's when my mother in law had a nervous breakdown after looking after her husband for 14 years! We did everything we could to get them help,support and care, but no they did not need it....
I know how frustrating it is when you can see what's needed, but they totally refusing or dening it. What I have learnt is you can take a horse to water .....
DONT be to hard on yourself! You never wanted this, so try not to blame yourself, make time for you. Eat cake, drink wine or learn a new language. Make sure you have a lot of me-time! If you find it hard to talk to family and friends, go for a walk,run or a swim. Don't waste any time on people who don't understand what you are going through. Some people never will! It will be many tears, sleepless days and nights, broken hearts, upsets and tantrums (in my case mainly from me!) mixed in lots of love and laughter!
My father in law is now in a lovely nursing home & I look after his wife, not at all my plan! I had just started a new job after years of being a stay at home mum....
Now I live for the moment. I have managed to puzzle in the kids to summer clubs so I can sill look after mother in law over school holidays.
You are made of stronger stuff than you think! Just need to find the right people and places....
If you need a shoulder or ear I'm here.
Hugs
Mammamu
OH's paranoia was the thing that forced me to try and sort out what was going on and resulted in his diagnosis of dementia. I have stolen his money, hidden things from him, changed passwords for bank accounts so he can't access them, hidden 'his' money in other accounts, fought with his sons, stolen his car and it went on and on. It got very ugly and was horrible to hear all the time.
He is better than he was but still has periods where money becomes a huge issue. I have toughened up though over the years and as I am the one who manages everything in our house, then it is up to me to look after the money. He has a debit card but he never needs to use it and I keep him cashed up which keeps him happy.
His biggest whine is that if something happens to me he won't know how to manage the money so he doesn't really understand the situation. I have told him that my daughter has all the details of our bank accounts, investments, insurances etc and he doesn't like that much but I am afraid he is stuck with that's how things are.
This disease isn't just about him though he behaves as if it is and I refuse to let him bully me.
I get the impression that PWD need the security of knowing that their money is safe because somewhere in their heads they know they are losing everything else. We all find reassurance in having control over lives and PWD don't have that luxury.
I think you need to find a way of having access to your money without it being an issue for him. This is not being deceitful, it's about reducing your stress levels and making life just a little bit easier for you.
I'm not sure what reality is anymore .....
I am new to this Forum so please forgive me if I mess up! I am already finding the comments posted to be supportive but your post, re pending retirement, hit a nerve. My husband hasn't had a diagnosis for dementia but he refers to it a lot. He has other behavioural issues and health issues. He has retired and now has very little social interaction apart from events instigated by me. I think I always knew something like this would happen but it has got very bad in a short period of time. The verbal aggression is hard to take and I can't see that I would want to retire to this. I am losing myself; I am a strong and independent woman but this is too much to bear. I go out with friends, spend time with my grandchildren but it is getting too much of a struggle. I have discussed my concerns with the GP but there is nothing anyone can do and why should they? Just writing these words helps. Thank you for listening.
I am new to this Forum so please forgive me if I mess up! I am already finding the comments posted to be supportive but your post, re pending retirement, hit a nerve. My husband hasn't had a diagnosis for dementia but he refers to it a lot. He has other behavioural issues and health issues. He has retired and now has very little social interaction apart from events instigated by me. I think I always knew something like this would happen but it has got very bad in a short period of time. The verbal aggression is hard to take and I can't see that I would want to retire to this. I am losing myself; I am a strong and independent woman but this is too much to bear. I go out with friends, spend time with my grandchildren but it is getting too much of a struggle. I have discussed my concerns with the GP but there is nothing anyone can do and why should they? Just writing these words helps. Thank you for listening.
Dear Lady Grey, We are all listening and it is really difficult when you had other dreams and plans....and a abuse. I am very lucky the only time my OH got abusive was in the early days when my expectations of him were greater than what he could achieve. It took me a long time to grasp just how far gone he was in the early stages and what he was capable of doing---I wanted him to be like he always was unusally intelligent, highly mechanical and lots of executive thinking power . Now I have little expectations (he cannot lace his boots or zip his jacket) and no projections for the future. We are all just doing our best one day at a time, no one here is going to judge you on your performance as a carer or as a loving spouse. Each of us must decide what we want to do regarding the disease and its care.
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[Lady Grey - I can relate. My husband has not had a formal diagnosis as I am too scared of him to progress right now. But yes, the verbal aggression is hard to take and the bullying. Like others I have had to dig deep and try to see it as part of the 'illness'. I am 23 years younger than my husband who is 78. No advice apart from try to make time for YOU and your friends and your interests. Keep posting and we will listen and many of us will understand and relate.It seems to have to get to crisis point before we get any help.
What to do about the money?
To the lovely people that responded to my post yesterday, I do so, so, so appreciate all your advice, suggestions and just sympathetic comments. Going down this path for the first time is so strange, a little like Alice taking a bite of the mushroom. My OH, as so many of you have confirmed, can be a bully and say awful things to me and about me....which was unlike him previously. My angst at this moment is concerning our jointly held savings account. While I have been working, I have been contributing over half of my salary and all my social security each month into that savings account. He takes money out when ever he wants, but I am not allowed to touch any of that money. I had a conference call with attorneys yesterday as to best protect our assets down the road if OH could not remain home at some point. Now, and I knew it would be expense, and we have the money, key word here is, WE, but do I take the money out of our joint savings and face all the bulling and name calling that will go along with it, or do I cash in and withdraw some of my IRA money to pay for the legal advice. I need to get a POA for one daughter to sign for myself, Advanced Medical Directive for me and a new Will, also mine. As well as shelter stocks that he cannot cash in without my knowledge and agreement since we are joint holders. I have tried reasoning with him on many occasions to just change our Wills, he says they are fine even though they are over 20 years old. Forget getting a POA, he will not see reason for that, even though I have explained we are older now, etc, Tried everything. He will commit to nothing. Which I am guessing is part of the illness. Any suggestions friends?
To the lovely people that responded to my post yesterday, I do so, so, so appreciate all your advice, suggestions and just sympathetic comments. Going down this path for the first time is so strange, a little like Alice taking a bite of the mushroom. My OH, as so many of you have confirmed, can be a bully and say awful things to me and about me....which was unlike him previously. My angst at this moment is concerning our jointly held savings account. While I have been working, I have been contributing over half of my salary and all my social security each month into that savings account. He takes money out when ever he wants, but I am not allowed to touch any of that money. I had a conference call with attorneys yesterday as to best protect our assets down the road if OH could not remain home at some point. Now, and I knew it would be expense, and we have the money, key word here is, WE, but do I take the money out of our joint savings and face all the bulling and name calling that will go along with it, or do I cash in and withdraw some of my IRA money to pay for the legal advice. I need to get a POA for one daughter to sign for myself, Advanced Medical Directive for me and a new Will, also mine. As well as shelter stocks that he cannot cash in without my knowledge and agreement since we are joint holders. I have tried reasoning with him on many occasions to just change our Wills, he says they are fine even though they are over 20 years old. Forget getting a POA, he will not see reason for that, even though I have explained we are older now, etc, Tried everything. He will commit to nothing. Which I am guessing is part of the illness. Any suggestions friends?
Hi Sandygirl
I am guessing you are not in the UK as you've used a few comments, (IRA money), it would be helpful for others with the relevant knowledge if you could add where you are to your profile. I'm also guessing, US? If that's the case & Amy sees this. She is a mine of relevant info & very helpful
It's a little different for me, as its my mum rather than OH, but the nasty comments, obsession with money, accusing me of saying I've told her something when I haven't, coz she would remember these are common no matter what the relationship.
I've found its much more about "feelings" than "logic". I also play on "its to help me" so mum thinks she is getting a cleaner to help me out, rather than because she can't clean properly.
Could you suggest that you would feel happier, (with all the legal changes that must have happened over the last 20 years), having your will updated to make sure you leave anything to xxx, rather than it being taken by the government as your will is missing something. For your peace of mind. Maybe say that the worry is giving you sleepless nights.
It's a bit like doing a jigsaw without the picture, you sort of make it up as you go along, fitting in bits by how you feel.
I am guessing you are not in the UK as you've used a few comments, (IRA money), it would be helpful for others with the relevant knowledge if you could add where you are to your profile. I'm also guessing, US? If that's the case & Amy sees this. She is a mine of relevant info & very helpful
It's a little different for me, as its my mum rather than OH, but the nasty comments, obsession with money, accusing me of saying I've told her something when I haven't, coz she would remember
these are common no matter what the relationship. I've found its much more about "feelings" than "logic". I also play on "its to help me" so mum thinks she is getting a cleaner to help me out, rather than because she can't clean properly.
Could you suggest that you would feel happier, (with all the legal changes that must have happened over the last 20 years), having your will updated to make sure you leave anything to xxx, rather than it being taken by the government as your will is missing something. For your peace of mind. Maybe say that the worry is giving you sleepless nights.
It's a bit like doing a jigsaw without the picture, you sort of make it up as you go along, fitting in bits by how you feel.
Hi Sandygirl
I am guessing you are not in the UK as you've used a few comments, (IRA money), it would be helpful for others with the relevant knowledge if you could add where you are to your profile. I'm also guessing, US? If that's the case & Amy sees this. She is a mine of relevant info & very helpful
It's a little different for me, as its my mum rather than OH, but the nasty comments, obsession with money, accusing me of saying I've told her something when I haven't, coz she would remember
I've found its much more about "feelings" than "logic". I also play on "its to help me" so mum thinks she is getting a cleaner to help me out, rather than because she can't clean properly.
Could you suggest that you would feel happier, (with all the legal changes that must have happened over the last 20 years), having your will updated to make sure you leave anything to xxx, rather than it being taken by the government as your will is missing something. For your peace of mind. Maybe say that the worry is giving you sleepless nights.
It's a bit like doing a jigsaw without the picture, you sort of make it up as you go along, fitting in bits by how you feel.
Hi Sam,
Thank you again for all your sound advice, yes, I am from the US and as per your suggestion and after much looking, high and low, I have listed where I am from. Missed that when I signed up, silly me. I will try what you have suggested, but OH is a very crafty person and my big worry is that he will move the money into a single signature account or move the money into a money market and I won't have access to it at all. But I guess that is a risk worth taking. I really am a strong person, but my parents argued all through my childhood and I truly will do anything to avoid an argument! I guess I just have to put my big girl shoes on and face what needs to be faced. He does also need to have a Advanced Medical Directive and I have no problem if either one of our daughters are in charge of that, which he would do just to be "controlling" or keeping me from having any say in the matter. One is a nurse and the older daughter is/was an event planner, now manages a rehab office. I guess what I have to learn about this illness is that everything is directed at the spouse/caregiver.
Hi
,I initially went through the awful accusations when OH was on the first medication, Aricept, he was just awful. Always looking for an argument, saying awful things to me, calling me names. I actually went over to my daughter's house (she is a nurse) and said I don't think I can do this......he is just awful all the time. Not the man I remember at all. But once the medication was changed he is much, much better. Could that be part of your OH's problem?
Hi Sandygirl
I'm told I am "strong", but this reduces me to tears, sometimes being strong means asking for (& taking) help. It's a hard journey & not only for the PWD
I love the thought of you getting out your big girl shoes. I tend to have a shower, do my hair, dress better & put my walking shoes on when I know I'm going to have a battle with mum over something
I have no idea what an Advanced Medical Directive is, I may have to ask Mr Google , but I'm assuming it's to allow you to look after his affairs. So long as your daughters have his best interest at heart & keep you in the loop, it shouldn't matter who, so long as someone is helping get your OH what he needs. Think of it as spreading the load
Unfortunately, yes, the aggression, lies, harsh words & temper tantrums are directed at the person who is there all the time. That old saying about how "we hurt those closest to us" rings very true.
I have often commented that I live with an 82 year old toddler. It's the best description I can come up with to describe my mum. She throws tantrums like a toddler, she's totally unreasonable at times & logic just doesn't cut the mustard
But, there are good bits. You have to grab them with both hands & rememer them. When mum has been horrid all day, then gives me a hug and says she loves me, it's worth it
I'm told I am "strong", but this reduces me to tears, sometimes being strong means asking for (& taking) help
. It's a hard journey & not only for the PWDI love the thought of you getting out your big girl shoes
. I tend to have a shower, do my hair, dress better & put my walking shoes on when I know I'm going to have a battle with mum over something I have no idea what an Advanced Medical Directive is, I may have to ask Mr Google
, but I'm assuming it's to allow you to look after his affairs. So long as your daughters have his best interest at heart & keep you in the loop, it shouldn't matter who, so long as someone is helping get your OH what he needs. Think of it as spreading the load Unfortunately, yes, the aggression, lies, harsh words & temper tantrums are directed at the person who is there all the time. That old saying about how "we hurt those closest to us" rings very true.
I have often commented that I live with an 82 year old toddler. It's the best description I can come up with to describe my mum. She throws tantrums like a toddler, she's totally unreasonable at times & logic just doesn't cut the mustard
But, there are good bits. You have to grab them with both hands & rememer them. When mum has been horrid all day, then gives me a hug and says she loves me, it's worth it
Hi Mia,
No, you did not upset me in the least.....above all else I am a realist and would rather deal with the truth and facts than have someone sugar coat it for me and then be dealt with a blow that rocks me back on my heels. I think that what you are doing for our FIL is really wonderful, I do so admire that. In the early days, when OH was on a different medication I really wanted to turn in my "wife" pin and just move away or be Peter Pan. Now on this new medication, for the most part, unless I do something to upset him, most days are pretty normal. I know that when I discuss the money and Will situation this is going to be a major upsetment for him. Do you think it is unfair of me to want to use our joint money, of which I have contributed over 70% to pay for the legal fees? Or should I just swallow it, keep peace and use my IRA money that has been put aside for my retirement. We are not talking over $2,000. here,? Normally I would just say Lump it junior and use the joint money, but I really hate seeing him get himself so upset, not to mention what is directed at me. I try very hard not to burden my girls with any of this, there will be time enough when I am sure they will be well aware of the changes in him. I too try to stay positive, but I am a planner and like to know what the future is all about.....not so with this
Hugs and thanks,
SG
Gentle Hugs
Oh Sam,
Gentle Hugs for when the tears come. Please remember that from me to you. I have a wonderful friend who went through this with her husband and I asked her, did you still love him after it was all over? I am so afraid I won't, some of the hurts have been so deep already and it has been hard to disassociate myself from the person and the illness. I think we carry a lot of baggage from our youth into this with us. No? One funny thought about having a 82 year old toddler......at least with a toddler, you can put them in their room if they talk naughty or fresh to you, you can't with an 82 year old adult. LOL
Yes, an Advanced Medical Directive is for when your spouse is hospitalized you have the right to tell the doctors no feeding tubes, no extended life precautions, which is what OH and I have discussed. It enables one to go peacefully, or nearly.
I will have to get my hugs and love you's from my dog. He is very loving. Don't think OH will be any more. Oh, my wonderful grandchildren are, so don't think I am being a "poor me".
Together we will keep our Chin's up,
SG
Hi Sandygirl
I'm told I am "strong", but this reduces me to tears, sometimes being strong means asking for (& taking) help
I love the thought of you getting out your big girl shoes
I have no idea what an Advanced Medical Directive is, I may have to ask Mr Google
Unfortunately, yes, the aggression, lies, harsh words & temper tantrums are directed at the person who is there all the time. That old saying about how "we hurt those closest to us" rings very true.
I have often commented that I live with an 82 year old toddler. It's the best description I can come up with to describe my mum. She throws tantrums like a toddler, she's totally unreasonable at times & logic just doesn't cut the mustard
But, there are good bits. You have to grab them with both hands & rememer them. When mum has been horrid all day, then gives me a hug and says she loves me, it's worth it
Oh Sam,
Gentle Hugs for when the tears come. Please remember that from me to you. I have a wonderful friend who went through this with her husband and I asked her, did you still love him after it was all over? I am so afraid I won't, some of the hurts have been so deep already and it has been hard to disassociate myself from the person and the illness. I think we carry a lot of baggage from our youth into this with us. No? One funny thought about having a 82 year old toddler......at least with a toddler, you can put them in their room if they talk naughty or fresh to you, you can't with an 82 year old adult. LOL
Yes, an Advanced Medical Directive is for when your spouse is hospitalized you have the right to tell the doctors no feeding tubes, no extended life precautions, which is what OH and I have discussed. It enables one to go peacefully, or nearly.
I will have to get my hugs and love you's from my dog. He is very loving. Don't think OH will be any more. Oh, my wonderful grandchildren are, so don't think I am being a "poor me".
Together we will keep our Chin's up,
SG
Hi SG
Although mum drives me nuts, reduces me to tears & makes me want to run away, her spiteful comments have reduced as I've learnt to walk away. I've been living with her for almost 2 years (wow, didn't realise that), but with time, with ranting on TP, with friends & occasional breaks, it gets more normal & I get to see "mum" who cares, I hope you can relax into it & get that too. It's hard work keeping them calm, but if you can reduce the stress, it means less agro, or so it seems
I have told mum she's like a toddler when she's in a good mood, I've threatened her with the naughty step too
but at other times, when she wants to out the recycling in a black bin liner & leave it out (where the foxes will get it) & knows she is right, I go to my room. The reverse of sending her to her room. When I've calmed down, I come back (again reverse if toddler), I put a smile in my voice & say " cup of tea mum". Cake, if you can, offer cake. It's like chocolate on a bad day. It's a mood swinger to PWD Arrr. So your Advanced Medical Directive is our POA(Power of Attorney) for Health & Welfare. Mum agreed to that when I said I was setting one up for me with my son.
It really is about keeping your faith in the here & now, in whatever way you can. I know everyone will tell you, but it's very important to look after you too. After all, you are no use to man nor beast if you are ill. Take time for you, go on a spa break once a month, go out with friends once a month (even if you just sit in their lounge & drink tea). It's something to look forward to, it keeps you going
It's 24/7 caring, you need to plan to have breaks when you are not going out to work
Faced the Music This Morning
Good Morning all,
I have spoken with 2 very nice attorneys regarding preparing some legal documents to protect our assets and was humming and hawing about how to tell OH that I was going to see them and then take the money out of our joint account. After a great suggestion from Sam, I told OH this morning that it has been bothering me that I don't have a current Will, Power of Attorney or Advanced Directive for myself. Of course his head immediate came up and his eyes bore into me with a very suspicious look. I said this is something I need for me, you don't need to do anything, trying to head off any argument. AND Sam was right! He said that was fine with him. I let out such a long, slow breath in amazement. I was so relieved, I can't tell you. Now on the advice of these attorneys, I have to do some investigating when OH is not home and gather all our financial and income tax figures to take with me when I go see them next month. Phew, is all I can say. Thank you Sam.
Good Morning all,
I have spoken with 2 very nice attorneys regarding preparing some legal documents to protect our assets and was humming and hawing about how to tell OH that I was going to see them and then take the money out of our joint account. After a great suggestion from Sam, I told OH this morning that it has been bothering me that I don't have a current Will, Power of Attorney or Advanced Directive for myself. Of course his head immediate came up and his eyes bore into me with a very suspicious look. I said this is something I need for me, you don't need to do anything, trying to head off any argument. AND Sam was right! He said that was fine with him. I let out such a long, slow breath in amazement. I was so relieved, I can't tell you. Now on the advice of these attorneys, I have to do some investigating when OH is not home and gather all our financial and income tax figures to take with me when I go see them next month. Phew, is all I can say. Thank you Sam.
