please please help authoritiesplotting to put my mother in a care home /residential

[sandysan]

can someone please help me here ,

of late my mother has suffered some very bad uti infections , and is on antibiotics the uti makes my mom very nasty and evil ect ect until cleared up,

last week a district nurse and a manager from the carer company went in to see her without any appointment made or phone call , they just turned up

mom asked them what they were doing there , they replied come to see you if your ok ,

it ended up that it was for a assessment of her capacity , which was said that she has full capacity at that time , they also asked her to sign something which she refused they also said that my mothers wishes was for the authorities to not liase with my daughter about her care , and also my mother wants to revoke the power of attorney ,
taking into place I have put several complaints in on my mothers behalf to find out they cannot be looked into ,

I called the chc funding people to ask why this has happened and mom not being aware why they went to visist her , they said we have strict intructions not to talk to you from my mother ,

I finally got intouch with someone fron chc continuing health care , who stated that they are looking for a placement home for my mother ,

I said no your not ,,,

I do have power of attorney health an welfare and property and fin ,

I have spoke to my mother about this , and she has stated that she has not said anything to them and they tried to make her sign something but she didn't , I told her what they are planning to do , she said no way are they putting her in a home ,

im very scared I don't know what way to turn or where to go ,

please help

Sandra

 

[Jessbow]

I'm confused about the 'CHC people'- they wouldn't make the decision as to her going into a home.

In addition to his, if she was deemed to have capacity(does she?) they couldn't make her do anything she doesnt agree to, including going into a home.

If she is deemed to have capacity she can overturn the POA if she chooses.

Our local district nurse would appear without an appointment, that isn't unusual, probably instructed by GP if your Mum has repeat UTI's.

Carer company manager? - Maybe a carer had concerns, so was accompanied by the district nurse for some reason.

 

[sandysan]

I'm confused about the 'CHC people'- they wouldn't make the decision as to her going into a home.

In addition to his, if she was deemed to have capacity(does she?) they couldn't make her do anything she doesnt agree to, including going into a home.

If she is deemed to have capacity she can overturn the POA if she chooses.

Our local district nurse would appear without an appointment, that isn't unusual, probably instructed by GP if your Mum has repeat UTI's.

Carer company manager? - Maybe a carer had concerns, so was accompanied by the district nurse for some reason.

hi jess , that's the thing see mom has fluctuating capacity , and the authorities are telling lies to protect themselves , they are saying that mom has said she wants to go in a home and she hasn't said this , and she didn't say to revoke my poa either , ro tell them that she doesn't want me to have anything to do with her care ,
this is the problem , they are saying she has capacity so that they can do these things ,

 

[Jessbow]

If they deem her to have to have capacity and she's told them she wants to revoke your POA, they wont do it for her, she will have to do it herself, which you clearly know she isn't capable of - so it wont happen.


AS you say, she has fluctuating capacity- she might have told them she does, without understanding what she's agreeing to- and told you she doesn't. I really wouldn't say they were telling lies, as you were not there you don't know what she said. Sometimes its anyones guess!

Do you think there is a reason why she should be scooped up by a care home as a safety issue? Is she well cared for?, carers in to help her wash, cook meals etc etc


Is her home clean and well maintained? Basically, would she be deemed at risk of harm by the authorities?

 

[sandysan]

If they deem her to have to have capacity and she's told them she wants to revoke your POA, they wont do it for her, she will have to do it herself, which you clearly know she isn't capable of - so it wont happen.


AS you say, she has fluctuating capacity- she might have told them she does, without understanding what she's agreeing to- and told you she doesn't. I really wouldn't say they were telling lies, as you were not there you don't know what she said. Sometimes its anyones guess!

Do you think there is a reason why she should be scooped up by a care home as a safety issue? Is she well cared for?, carers in to help her wash, cook meals etc etc


Is her home clean and well maintained? Basically, would she be deemed at risk of harm by the authorities?

hi

mom has nearly died on two occasions , phumonia ect , her house is spotless she is bed bound she broke her legs but has not had enough pysio once a week she has lost her myscles through being in bed , as for care it fluctuates , she gets that aggressive and angry that sometimes she tells them to get out of her house , so they go , she is a risk of falls but the chc are ignoring the night care well from 10am till 7 am , they have given her 3 nights sittings and I have asked since last November for night calls for 5 night they say they cant fund that , so inbetween she had a fall and broke her other ankle , mom is a very complex case , she is very lonely , lives alone , cant get out of bed , and calls me names really bad names that's why I know she has fluctuating capacity ,

she does refuse a lot of care ,and I don't think she understands she needs this care ,
I do her shopping and her washing ect

 

[Delphie]

From what you say there, residential care sounds like a good option for her to be honest.

That aside, given your mum's 'fluctuating capacity', I would be reluctant to take what she says at face value. It's unlikely that things happened as she says they did.

The bottom line, as has already been said, is that if she is judged to have the capacity to make her own decisions then no one can force her to do anything. She can also revoke the PoA and ask for things to do with her to not be shared with you.

However it does sound unlikely that she does have the capacity to revoke the PoA, so for now you are perfectly entitled to speak to the authorities on her behalf and they have an obligation to tell you what's going on. It doesn't necessarily mean that what you say goes, though. If you want her to remain at home but she is judged to be at risk there then safeguarding will trump what you prefer.

 

[Jessbow]

so she is already CHC funded? You need more help from them, Which they cannot provide ( or are unwilling to provide)

This doesn't seem like an 'out of the blue' thing- its been an ongoing situation , some years In fact.

If you feel she needs more care ( bed bound living alone is far from ideal)add in the insulin dependant diabetic, + repeat UTI's and strokes & pneumonia Maybe it time for you to do some serious thinking. Maybe residential care is the best solution now.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello sandysan

It sounds to me as if your mum is at risk. She lives alone , is lonely , has broken her ankle and is at risk of further falls. I don`t know how you managed to get night care for her, it is very difficult to get .

However much you do for her there will still be hours and hours she spends alone and if she is unable to get out of bed it sounds very sad for her. She needs 24/7 care. I was with my husband 24/7 and he still said he was lonely.

My husband was with me and when his mobility was failing he was also at risk of falls and Social Services said they could no longer fund the care he was getting . He went into residential care and his general physical health improved. He enjoyed the company and the comings and goings of the staff and visitors.

 

[Jessbow]

Viewed from a slightly different angle

You mother has increasing needs

You are asking for these needs to be met, and funded by CHC

They may well be saying they can meet these needs, but not in her own home.

Is that unreasonable?

What your mother NEEDS and what she WANTS maybe two different things- Capaity or not, her NEEDS must come above her WANTS surely?

 

[sandysan]

Viewed from a slightly different angle

You mother has increasing needs

You are asking for these needs to be met, and funded by CHC

They may well be saying they can meet these needs, but not in her own home.

Is that unreasonable?

What your mother NEEDS and what she WANTS maybe two different things- Capaity or not, her NEEDS must come above her WANTS surely?

I don't know , all I know is that she said she doesn't want to go in a home , her needs yes she does need them and I do my very best for her , but she can be extremely nasty which has made me have depression and I have to go see therapy as I am whats called pre grieving her , my mom also abuses me emotioallly and it really hurts but im always there for her , and again you mention capacity , there is a big difference to capacity fluctuating and none , but a power of attorney pieced of paper is not worth anything , the medical still over ride that piece of paper , anyway thankyou for your help

 

[sandysan]

It sounds to me as if your mum is at risk. She lives alone , is lonely , has broken her ankle and is at risk of further falls. I don`t know how you managed to get night care for her, it is very difficult to get .

However much you do for her there will still be hours and hours she spends alone and if she is unable to get out of bed it sounds very sad for her. She needs 24/7 care. I was with my husband 24/7 and he still said he was lonely.

My husband was with me and when his mobility was failing he was also at risk of falls and Social Services said they could no longer fund the care he was getting . He went into residential care and his general physical health improved. He enjoyed the company and the comings and goings of the staff and visitors.

the thing is my mom is very aggressive and throws and bangs things tells carers to get out ect , this is obviously part of her illness , and it worries me where they would put here , which they are not allowing me to talk about her care ,, again they said mom has said that she wants me nothing to do with her care , yet I know that was probably said in anger if she said it , so this is what authorities are doing no communicating with me

 

[Beate]

Your Mum clearly needs more specialised care than she is getting at the moment. You cannot go by what she says - nobody ever said they'd love to live in a care home.

I am pretty sure she did say things at one point to the authorities, which were taken at face value. So if they are so convinced of her mental capacity, why don't you set up a declaration for her to sign that she wants you to be involved in care decisions, then have her sign that on a good day? They can't really ignore that and at least you'd not be left out in the dark. But do work with them and don't just dig in your heels with regards to a care home, if that's in her best interests.

 

[HillyBilly]

Sandy - when you use the term "CHC", do you mean Continuing Healthcare (as in NHS funding) or something else?

 

[Saffie]

Just to say that your mother saying she doesn't want to go into a Care home - and it's sounds as though a nursing home rather than a Care home is more likely - means very little I'm afraid. I doubt of any of our relatives would say any different but that doesn't mean they don't need to be in one. It sounds as though your mother needs the care and support she would receive in such a home.

I also wonder about the CHC reference as opposed to SS or LA.

 

[canary]

I gather from your previous posts/threads that this has been going on for a long, long time and that your mum would not tolerate having carers coming in and there were problems with your mum abusing them. I know it is part of the disease and she cannot help it, but it sounds like it is leading to self neglect TBH. I know that you are desperate for her not to go into a care/nursing home, but I really do think that it would be the best thing for her.