Memory Tests

[Whisperer]

I would very much appreciate some guidance on a problem which I doubt is unique to me. My mother attended a Memory Clinic in April 2015 and was diagnosed with Mild Cognitive impairment. My mum had not wanted to go and took the result as all was well - just ordinary wear and tear for an 84 year old. Mum had major heart surgery in the past and the tester believed the problem was vascular linked. The advice was keep the blood pressure under control and come back for future tests, which my mum refuses to do. My relationship with my mother almost broke down completely getting her to the Memory Clinic the first time.

As her main carer I cannot risk her trust in me being damaged. I have been advised maintaining her confidence is vital, the drugs available may do little to help and her heart/BP considerations would prevent some being used. Her memory is getting worse with the short term almost completely gone. I feel in a no win situation. Get her back to the MC and get I feel certain a vascular dementia diagnosis which would destroy her confidence, but offer little in return? Or allow her to continue in ignorance of her true condition. I live with my mum and I am committed to caring for her no matter what happens. I just do not know what to do whilst she refuses to acknowledge there is a real problem? Has anyone else experienced this? It seems without a dementia diagnosis I cannot access services which may help, but to force the issue would no doubt hurt my mum's confidence and my relationship with her. As her sole carer I cannot take that risk.

I think my mum is reluctant to accept her situation as during the war as a very young girl she had to help care for an elderly relative who I suspect had dementia. War time and needs must but it has left her with a deep fear of the condition. Any advice or guidance would be welcome.

 

[Cat27]

Welcome to TP

Denial & refusal to go the the Dr is sadly very common with dementia.
My dad had vascular dementia & there was no treatment besides him being on heart & blood pressure medication.

 

[Beate]

You won't find many people who willingly attend a Memory Clinic and accept the result, but in your mother's case it doesn't really matter anyway because there is no medication for vascular dementia so she is not missing out on anything. A diagnosis is just a piece of paper. Yes it simplifies certain things but the council can't refuse help with or without it, so there isn't much point in trying to get her to understand.

 

[carrieboo]

My mum was diagnosed with MCI in June 2016, it took me almost 2 years to get her in front of the psychiatrist with many falling outs along the way. She was, and still is, adamant that there's nothing wrong with her.

She has deteriorated since then, her short term memory is almost gone and she gets stuck in conversational loops and obsessions. She is very stubborn and argumentative.

I was told to get a re-referral if she got any worse but I just don't have the energy for it. I've decided to just deal with the situation and symptoms day by day and call on help when I can no longer cope. I suppose what I'm getting at is that in some situations a diagnosis doesn't really help all that much and the upset and unhappiness caused along the way probably isn't worth it.

 

[Selinacroft]

I know just how hard it is to get someone to accept the memory clinic. Dad went through the first and second assessments and I nearly lost him at the last hurdle when the consultant came with a diagnosis. I had to explain how this lovely man had given up his time to come and chat with me and help us etc etc or he would have been booted out the door.
There are advantages to pursueing the full diagnosis even with Va Dem as Dad has. From a financial point of view you can claim CTAX disregard or exemption if mum lives alone. You will also get advice from ememory clinic, opportunities for Day Care or visits from certain sitter type charities. It may also persuade SS of her needs if and when she needs a Needs Assessment.
I got armfuls of info from the memory clinic so if and when you can summon up the courage I would urge you to get a diagnosis. Accepting that you are never going to win is part of the course! There will be tantrums along the way no doubt.

 

[Whisperer]

My mum was diagnosed with MCI in June 2016, it took me almost 2 years to get her in front of the psychiatrist with many falling outs along the way. She was, and still is, adamant that there's nothing wrong with her.

She has deteriorated since then, her short term memory is almost gone and she gets stuck in conversational loops and obsessions. She is very stubborn and argumentative.

I was told to get a re-referral if she got any worse but I just don't have the energy for it. I've decided to just deal with the situation and symptoms day by day and call on help when I can no longer cope. I suppose what I'm getting at is that in some situations a diagnosis doesn't really help all that much and the upset and unhappiness caused along the way probably isn't worth it.

Thank you for your comments. I have been feeling trapped. Advised get back to the memory clinic if things get worse which they have. But trying to get my mum to agree will be impossible or severely damage our relationship. I cannot allow that to happen being her primary carer. It is a relief to have it confirmed I am not alone in this situation and forcing the issue will not produce any real tangible benefit. It has helped reduce my sense of isolation and assured me my judgement to muddle on is most likely the best I can do for now.

 

[Whisperer]

I know just how hard it is to get someone to accept the memory clinic. Dad went through the first and second assessments and I nearly lost him at the last hurdle when the consultant came with a diagnosis. I had to explain how this lovely man had given up his time to come and chat with me and help us etc etc or he would have been booted out the door.
There are advantages to pursueing the full diagnosis even with Va Dem as Dad has. From a financial point of view you can claim CTAX disregard or exemption if mum lives alone. You will also get advice from ememory clinic, opportunities for Day Care or visits from certain sitter type charities. It may also persuade SS of her needs if and when she needs a Needs Assessment.
I got armfuls of info from the memory clinic so if and when you can summon up the courage I would urge you to get a diagnosis. Accepting that you are never going to win is part of the course! There will be tantrums along the way no doubt.

Thank you for your comments. I will contact the memory clinic directly and see if some leaflets and information can be obtained in my current circumstances. I live with my mum and I am committed to caring for her into the future.it has felt like being stuck in first gear, it I did not want to force matters and damage my relationship with my mum. She may not realise it yet but I am her main carer and she will need to lean on my more and more. Thisforum has been a bit of a god send. I no longer feel totally alone.

Thanks again.

 

[Oh Knickers]

Does your GP practice not have a Dementia specialist? Could they not do a test for you? I shall be asking the GP in mother's local practice to do an Addenbrookes test on mother. I think she is on the borderline for consent. The trip to the memory clinic went down like a lead balloon. Not helped by the letter from the Council, despite my request for it to be sent to me, regarding Mental Impairment Disregard. She still remembers that and her diagnosis fo being 'bonkers'. This is a woman with a 5 second memory.

 

[Whisperer]

You won't find many people who willingly attend a Memory Clinic and accept the result, but in your mother's case it doesn't really matter anyway because there is no medication for vascular dementia so she is not missing out on anything. A diagnosis is just a piece of paper. Yes it simplifies certain things but the council can't refuse help with or without it, so there isn't much point in trying to get her to understand.

Thank you for your comments. Your comment regarding no treatments for Vascular Dementia was reassuring in that I am clearly not missing out on drug treatments by no forcing the memory clinic issue. Of course my mum could also have Alzheimer's but the memory clinic thought it most likely to be Vascular based and controling the BP was crucial. Additionally my mum has had two noticeable step downs in memory function rather than ongoing gradual decline. Another sign she has Vascular Dementia. Thank you again for replying to me.

 

[Whisperer]

Does your GP practice not have a Dementia specialist? Could they not do a test for you? I shall be asking the GP in mother's local practice to do an Addenbrookes test on mother. I think she is on the borderline for consent. The trip to the memory clinic went down like a lead balloon. Not helped by the letter from the Council, despite my request for it to be sent to me, regarding Mental Impairment Disregard. She still remembers that and her diagnosis fo being 'bonkers'. This is a woman with a 5 second memory.

Yes the short term memory goes but I have noticed anything which causes great upset can be remembered. I am afraid my GP practice does not offer the facility you are mentioning. I may in future go to the GP and say this is my mum talk to her for 10 minutes and then tell me what you think is her condition. There is no Carer's manual and it appears you have to learn on the job. Thank you again. It has been uplifting just to know I am not alone and get some help and advice here.

 

[Rosnpton]

hi

it may be worth contacting the memory clinic and see if they offer an out reach service.
mum-now in a care home due to decline- had a home visit once every 6 mths at one stage- there had to be at least one other family member there as well-
it was during one of these "informal" chats that they were able to persuade her to attend a memory club for half a day over 14 weeks.. This helped a lot as it was in a small group of 6-8 clients,all at similar stages of dementia.
They were able to see how she interacted with others/ didn't cope with others etc. this helped a lot and she thought of it as just an old peoples club rather then an on going medical assessment.
now she is in care,we have to get her to the hospital once a year-not easy as takes a least two of us to get her in a car and safely transport her.
its worth letting them know your issues,maybe by letter copying the GP in as well so they are all aware of your problems.
good luck

I would very much appreciate some guidance on a problem which I doubt is unique to me. My mother attended a Memory Clinic in April 2015 and was diagnosed with Mild Cognitive impairment. My mum had not wanted to go and took the result as all was well - just ordinary wear and tear for an 84 year old. Mum had major heart surgery in the past and the tester believed the problem was vascular linked. The advice was keep the blood pressure under control and come back for future tests, which my mum refuses to do. My relationship with my mother almost broke down completely getting her to the Memory Clinic the first time.

As her main carer I cannot risk her trust in me being damaged. I have been advised maintaining her confidence is vital, the drugs available may do little to help and her heart/BP considerations would prevent some being used. Her memory is getting worse with the short term almost completely gone. I feel in a no win situation. Get her back to the MC and get I feel certain a vascular dementia diagnosis which would destroy her confidence, but offer little in return? Or allow her to continue in ignorance of her true condition. I live with my mum and I am committed to caring for her no matter what happens. I just do not know what to do whilst she refuses to acknowledge there is a real problem? Has anyone else experienced this? It seems without a dementia diagnosis I cannot access services which may help, but to force the issue would no doubt hurt my mum's confidence and my relationship with her. As her sole carer I cannot take that risk.

I think my mum is reluctant to accept her situation as during the war as a very young girl she had to help care for an elderly relative who I suspect had dementia. War time and needs must but it has left her with a deep fear of the condition. Any advice or guidance would be welcome.