My elation was somewhat short lived
Yesterday was a lovely sunny day and Mum seemed a lot brighter in herself and ate a weetabix with some milk and half a cup of tea. I desperately needed to go into town after being stuck in 24/7 for days on end with Mum being poorly, and hadn't even left her to take the dogs for a quick walk in the back field, which I usually do whilst she watches a music DVD and dozes in her recliner in the afternoon. I asked her if she fancied going out in the sunshine and she agreed. We spent a couple of hours picking up some shopping and then had a coffee and eclair in the car parked up by the river and I can't tell you how much better I felt.
Today is completely different. Another day where Mum hasn't eaten anything, despite offering various different things. She's just disappearing before my eyes having lost so much weight and there's nothing I can do. I hate showering her now as her little body is so bony and washing her back and sides is like a cheese grater as all her bones are sticking out. It's just so awful and I haven't stopped crying. I think what made it worse was that I was expecting my fiance to have half a day off this afternoon but he was unable to as was behind on a job, so I was stuck indoors on my own again. I just felt so sad and isolated today. Mum is losing her speech a lot now but is becoming more and more vacant when I talk to her. It's so heartbreaking. I miss my Mum and I'm so lonely. She was due to have her hair done as she goes every week to have it washed and blowdried but didn't want to go today. I get 20 minutes to myself when she goes and normally do my food shopping quickly but must admit I would have worried about leaving her there today as she's looking so frail.
Don't know why I'm writing this or even if it's helped! I think sometimes the loneliness and hopelessness is just too much and tonight it's suffocating.
