Obsessed over dog who died ...

[saskia]

Hi all

I think i've mentioned this before - its now becoming a real issue and we are at our wits end on how to deal

Mums beloved companion (dog) was put to sleep last Nov -he was 13 & suffering, so we all went (mum included) to vets- deed done, tears . awful days after ...

we then had six weeks up till xmas - daily & nightly calls from mum ''where's my dog' and then an extreme of being accused of killing her dog / how wicked we are / how could we do it .....& so on.

2 week respiite between xmas & NY - no idea why -she seemed to accept it - but a week ago -its all started again.

we have tried saturation therapy (on advice from the mental health nurse) -showing her his cremation certificate / his ashes in a lovely box and constant repeat of 'he had a bad heart & was put to sleep'
to the love lies of..
he's at the vets
he's resting at our house

mum will now call the vets at least once a day & call the police to report him missing - the vets are exremely good & tell mum the truth -she accepts it from them - 10 mins later, is on the phone to me / husband / friend / other family, asking where he is...

we now unplug our phone every night at 10.30 otherwise calls get ridiculous and mobiles constantly on silent.

We have thought long & hard about getting her another dog - prob is, she was struggling to look after the last one, forgetting his tablets / dinner and he was very matted -we used to have to intervene at least once / twice week with walks / vet trips / grooming and am just not prepared to do that again
(as - my mum HATES small dogs - either a big huge hound -or nothing at all!!!)

I'm sorry if this seems so silly - beleive me, we do have worse situations with her moods / agression / memory loss -but at the moment -this is affecting all of us, to such a degree, i don't want to visit my mum or even talk to her, as i know the conv within seconds turns to the dog!!!

thanks for reading!

sas
x

 

[Marcelle123]

No, I think you're right to reject the idea of another dog: it wouldn't be fair on the animal either.

Do you think it would do any good to 'borrow' a neighbour's dog for guest visits? Or get a PAT dog visit? I dare say not. I can quite understand how upsetting and wearying this must be. Very best wishes. xx

 

[saskia]

Mum had a dog for 8 years. We had to have it rehomed middle of last year.
Mum would ask about the dog every minute, every time we saw her. All the hospital staff and MH folks knew about the dog. Luckily she has not had access to a phone and after c1 year of being without the dog, she does not mention it. She is also well medicated being in an NHS Mental Health center. She carries around two stuffed animals that look like her dog.

So:-
Meds
Time
Substitutes
Change the phone to something more complex that she may struggle to use? A bit harsh but needs must.

Sounds like it may be a prelude to 24*7 care?

hmm -24/7 care for a women who refuses anything wrong with her, washes / dresses / put her make up on & can work the Sky remote better than me!
Our last assesment from NHS mental Health said this is not the case yet - -however, the more agitated & agressive she gets, i have heard her GP mentioning a sectioning may happen if it continues.

replacing the phone - believe me, my mum would work it out, for some reason, tech savvy has not disapearred from her addled brain - the other day she was on her hands & knees sorting out her TV when the pic went!

but thank you for responding!!

 

[AlsoConfused]

A large (charity shop) toy dog similar in appearance to the dog put down wouldn't cost much would it? You could bring it with you to your Mum's house and have it on your knee while you had tea and a cake with her. Hopefully you fussing over the toy would catch your Mum's attention and she too would want to have it on her lap for a while. If the scheme works then maybe your Mum would agree to look after the "dog" while you "go shopping"?

 

[carrieboo]

After we had my mum's dog put down she received a 'with deepest sympathy' type card from the veterinary surgery. Somebody, presumably one of the nurses, had written a little note about her dog saying how sorry they were etc etc. Maybe you could fake something similar and leave it out to remind her?

I'd echo what everyone else says about getting another dog. Mum goes on and on about it - I posted on here about it a few months ago - but it wouldn't be fair on the dog which would be overfed and under exercised.

Sound like you're properly going through it at the moment...

K x

 

[saskia]

After we had my mum's dog put down she received a 'with deepest sympathy' type card from the veterinary surgery. Somebody, presumably one of the nurses, had written a little note about her dog saying how sorry they were etc etc. Maybe you could fake something similar and leave it out to remind her?

I'd echo what everyone else says about getting another dog. Mum goes on and on about it - I posted on here about it a few months ago - but it wouldn't be fair on the dog which would be overfed and under exercised.

Sound like you're properly going through it at the moment...

K x

The vets did one of these, she tore it up!. Ditto for pics of dog, his ashes in a lovely box, which she threw across the room ' that's not my dog' ....Tonight I had to rush round as there was a drama with lost tablets, within minutes I was being g sworn at & if I didn't bring the dog back, she will call the police!!

Tbh, I'm now sitting in bed, turned off all phones & going to watch Apple Tree Yard on the iPlayer. Do it all again tomorrow!!

Hope u ok??

Sx

 

[saskia]

A large (charity shop) toy dog similar in appearance to the dog put down wouldn't cost much would it? You could bring it with you to your Mum's house and have it on your knee while you had tea and a cake with her. Hopefully you fussing over the toy would catch your Mum's attention and she too would want to have it on her lap for a while. If the scheme works then maybe your Mum would agree to look after the "dog" while you "go shopping"?

Oh such a lovely idea, however, I know she would take one look at it & say ' *** is that!!!' ' I'm not stupid you know' ....Oh god can picture her face now!!!

This is half the battle, she puts on the hostess mode 90% of the time, I know how terrified she is as her older sister has had alzehiemers for 12 yrs now ..Even now she will talk about Mary & how she went bonkers ( her words!) & Why didn't anyone spot it earlier..........!

Thank u for responding though, & I can see how this would work. Something to think about , thank u
Sas x

 

[tigerlady]

It may be worth trying a toy dog. I bought one for my husband when he went into full time care - a life sized border collie, as ours is a border collie. I never tried to kid him it was real - just said it was for when the real one couldnt be with him. At first he carried it about with him and tried to feed it as well, but now its just a comforting presence in the room. The care home allow dogs and I take our dog to see him on nearly every visit, even having the fake dog and the real one together. Even I found it theraputic to stroke the fake dog.

Another alternative would be to see if you could get a PAT dog and handler to visit your mother.