Hello, I'm pretty sure I'm repeating what a lot of people have already asked or talked about but I really don't know what to do. I live with my parents as I care for my Dad who has Alzheimer's. I also care for my Mum who has mobility issues and other medical issues. Dad used to be Mum's carer and now she is Dad's carer during the day while I am at work. They are both 72. We are really struggling to look after Dad in the evenings and the mornings as he suffers from the heat and the cold. He has bad legs and knees from when he worked and other age related problems, probably related to bad circulation. He says his legs burn at night but that he is also cold. We don't know what to do as he gets very agitated when we don't know what to do to help him. He shouts, threatens us (especially Mum as she is the person he usually targets his anger on) and is very scary. I am dreading going to bed as I know we'll be awake till 2-2.30am until he is exhausted and eventually falls asleep. I've hardly eaten today and feel sick with dread. Mum cries herself to sleep. In the mornings he is tired and complains a lot and it is hard to help him. I have more patience than Mum but I can't take this much more. Dad has an appointment at the doctors on Wednesday but that is 4 evenings away. Sorry to whinge but has anyone any ideas how to help Dad and help ourselves? Many Thanks
Feeling very lonely, don't know where to go for help
- Thread starter booflebear
- Start date
Hi and welcome.
You sound desperate so I wanted to reply just so you know there are others out there.
Have you tried giving paracetamol before bed? Others have suggested this here. Hot milky drink, porridge before bed?
Hang on in there. It could be that different meds may help to get the situation more manageable.
Have you had a carer's assessment?
I know others will be along to offer you more constructive advice.
You sound desperate so I wanted to reply just so you know there are others out there.
Have you tried giving paracetamol before bed? Others have suggested this here. Hot milky drink, porridge before bed?
Hang on in there. It could be that different meds may help to get the situation more manageable.
Have you had a carer's assessment?
I know others will be along to offer you more constructive advice.
Hello Booflebear xx Bless you, desperation is an awful feeling, I know how awful it is is to be in your situation. When you go to the Dr's next week tell them everything, ask for a referral to the memory clinic (the Dr's there are able to prescribe different drugs than the GP that might help your Dad). Contact Social Services first thing Monday morning and chase them until you get an assessment (don't let them forget you, pester them), and ask whether or not you could get carers to assist, it may be you have to pay for these but social services will be able to advise. Ask the GP about getting a carer's assessment for you and your mum. Research what benefits you are entitled to (probably Attendance Allowance and a rebate on your Council tax - your dad has severe mental impairment and you shouldn't have to pay anything).
It is now time to think about yourself and get all the help you need for you and your mum, and you will need it if you are going to cope in order for you to look after your dad as long as you possibly want to.
Lots of love and luck to you xxx take care
It is now time to think about yourself and get all the help you need for you and your mum, and you will need it if you are going to cope in order for you to look after your dad as long as you possibly want to.
Lots of love and luck to you xxx take care
Thank You
Hi HillyBilly, Thank you for your reply. It does help to know I'm not the only one though obviously I wish none of us had to deal with this disease. Dad is on some pain medication so we are going to try giving it to him a bit earlier and hopefully the doctor will be able to look at his meds and see if any need changing. We have very recently had a carer's assessment and we have a visit arranged for next week from the local authority so hopefully we can get some help arranged. It's just hard dealing with the day to day stuff.
Hi HillyBilly, Thank you for your reply. It does help to know I'm not the only one though obviously I wish none of us had to deal with this disease. Dad is on some pain medication so we are going to try giving it to him a bit earlier and hopefully the doctor will be able to look at his meds and see if any need changing. We have very recently had a carer's assessment and we have a visit arranged for next week from the local authority so hopefully we can get some help arranged. It's just hard dealing with the day to day stuff.
You must be flat-out exhausted and shaky, as will be both your parents. I'm so sorry.
I was thinking ahead about the GP appointment - and how to get the most value out of it.
I'm assuming you'll be going along to the appointment with your Dad. It'll be difficult for you to say what you want to in your Dad's hearing, however. Can you go discreetly to the surgery before your Dad's appointment and pass over a letter to the doctor explaining what's happening (your Dad's physical discomfort at different times of the day, his inability to sleep, his agitated, angry, threatening behaviour: your Mum's distress; your inability to take much more of this)?
Also talk to Adult Social Services explaining your Dad, your Mum and you are all vulnerable adults in need of safeguarding; and you and your Mum are approaching carer breakdown. Ask them what they can do to help ....
When things are as tough as they are for you now sometimes it helps to grit your teeth and tell yourself "I only have to hang on for another 5 minutes". "5 minutes" is manageable, longer often doesn't seem so.
I was thinking ahead about the GP appointment - and how to get the most value out of it.
I'm assuming you'll be going along to the appointment with your Dad. It'll be difficult for you to say what you want to in your Dad's hearing, however. Can you go discreetly to the surgery before your Dad's appointment and pass over a letter to the doctor explaining what's happening (your Dad's physical discomfort at different times of the day, his inability to sleep, his agitated, angry, threatening behaviour: your Mum's distress; your inability to take much more of this)?
Also talk to Adult Social Services explaining your Dad, your Mum and you are all vulnerable adults in need of safeguarding; and you and your Mum are approaching carer breakdown. Ask them what they can do to help ....
When things are as tough as they are for you now sometimes it helps to grit your teeth and tell yourself "I only have to hang on for another 5 minutes". "5 minutes" is manageable, longer often doesn't seem so.
Hello booflebear, a warm welcome to Talking Point,hope this place will be of help to you now and in the future and take away a bit of the loneliness you feel, it is so difficult trying to do what is right, only for it to seem so frustrating when life as a carer becomes more of a challenge and it then starts to affect your own wellbeing.
If at all possible could you write a summary of all the on going day to day problems and give it to the GP....it's amazing how your mind goes blank when in with the doctor! at least then everything will be on dads medical record.
Our helpline is also available,open all week and from 10am till 4pm tomorrow.(details attached)
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/helpline
Above all take care and please keep posting
Chris x
If at all possible could you write a summary of all the on going day to day problems and give it to the GP....it's amazing how your mind goes blank when in with the doctor! at least then everything will be on dads medical record.
Our helpline is also available,open all week and from 10am till 4pm tomorrow.(details attached)
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/helpline
Above all take care and please keep posting
Chris x
Thank you
Hi Meppershall,
Thank you for your reply and your advice. I will get as much help as I can for us all and I'll make sure Mum tells the Doctor everything. It's definitely time to talk to as many people, organisations and groups as we can.
Thank you also for your kind words, take care xx
Hi Meppershall,
Thank you for your reply and your advice. I will get as much help as I can for us all and I'll make sure Mum tells the Doctor everything. It's definitely time to talk to as many people, organisations and groups as we can.
Thank you also for your kind words, take care xx
I can empathise with you, Boofiebear, as my Mum had severe osteoarthritis and when her Alzheimer's took a downturn, she was also unable to cope with something she had always before suffered with mostly in silence and with willpower. We had to get her pain medication right - she was on Fentanyl patches. Pregabalin at night also helped - it is prescribed for nerve pain. I also bought a "cradle" - a sort of metal frame - you could put on the end of her bed to stop the blankets touching her as she found them too heavy on her legs. She had suffered from "restless legs" before so I don't know if that was still the case, even though she became bedbound and immobile. The worst thing was if she got cramp as, being confined to bed and a high hospital bed with airpressure mattress, she couldn't put her feet on the ground. I used to try and rub her feet and legs but sometimes she couldn't bear anyone touching her.
It is very difficult. I hope you can get some solutions so you all can get some rest.
It is very difficult. I hope you can get some solutions so you all can get some rest.
Please don't rely only on your Mum telling the doctor everything; as others have said it will help all round if you can send a written summary of the whole situation. It is so true that relating so many details verbally can mean that things are missed out. Added to which the GP, being human, can only absorb a certain amount in one go, so it will help him to have the information in advance. It might be best to hand-deliver the letter to make sure that it arrives on the premises Doctors don't always read their post everyday for various reasons, so get it in well in advance of the appointment.
I do hope that you'll get all the help that you need..
I do hope that you'll get all the help that you need..
Sunday update
Hello, Thank you everyone for your kind posts and advice and support. We had a quiet night last night. We gave Dad his pain medication a bit earlier and kept him awake a bit longer so he was quite tired when he went up to bed. I also took him for a walk yesterday afternoon so I'll do the same again today. I don't know if he would have had a quiet night anyway but we'll do the same tonight and see what happens. We'll also have a good talk with the doctor and make sure we write everything down for him. It's a shame for Dad as he can't deal with things like heat, cold and pain like he used to but it's difficult for us to try and explain to him what is happening.
Fingers crossed we can all have a quiet night tonight xx
Hello, Thank you everyone for your kind posts and advice and support. We had a quiet night last night. We gave Dad his pain medication a bit earlier and kept him awake a bit longer so he was quite tired when he went up to bed. I also took him for a walk yesterday afternoon so I'll do the same again today. I don't know if he would have had a quiet night anyway but we'll do the same tonight and see what happens. We'll also have a good talk with the doctor and make sure we write everything down for him. It's a shame for Dad as he can't deal with things like heat, cold and pain like he used to but it's difficult for us to try and explain to him what is happening.
Fingers crossed we can all have a quiet night tonight xx
Hope this helps - you're not alone x
Hi booflebear.
I'm in a similar position so know exactly what you're going through. The exception is I don't live with my parents but moved back to my childhood village where they live so they know I am close by.
Quick potted history from my side - Dad has Parkinson's - rigidity version with loss of balance and shuflling walking - but mentally still mostly intact although sad at his declining abilities. Mum has vascular dementia plus various other ailments that probably contributed to the vascular dementia. They have carer's 4 times a day plus a night sitter - mainly to stop Mum wandering off at night or falling down stairs.
Apologies if you've got all the following in place now, but here's what we've achieved so far. Hopefully it will yield something new for you
Night time: A good night's sleep works wonders for all. If your Dad has occasional trouble sleeping, there's Zopiclone - a mild sleeping pill commonly prescribed in hospitals for nervous sleepers/insomniacs. It can lead to a risk falls during nightttime visits to loo (from being groggy and bleary-eyed) but if you have someone stopping over at night that's less of any issue. I was given it myself once - it feels like a double brandy making it easy to nod off.
Things to support you and your parents:
Dehydration - lack of fluids can intensify Mum's dementia. She immediately starts talking a lot more about her late Mum/Dad or imagining things. A few tumblers of blackcurrant cordial later she's back in reality.
Emotions - from experience Mum has regressed to a simpler emotional response mechanism. She's either too hot, too cold, too tired, too hungry without many gradual steps in between. It's almost the sophisticated part of her brain has gone, the control mechanism, leaving her like the earlier primitive part of the brain still intact. So, as with a grimacing baby you have to work out what's wrong through a process of elimination.
Activities - I know we're not allowed to promote products on here, so the best I can say it there are products from online retailers who have special jigsaws and arts/crafts, painting games, to help keep active minds for those with reduced concentration.
I've found the key to my Mum's happiness is social stimulation, a clean, uncluttered household and good meals. If she's refusing to eat (and to be honest who actually LOVES microwave meals..?, I tell the carers to do the meds and nappies, while I cook something to whet her appetite - meals with fried onions, garlic, bacon. A full tum is a happy Mum
Sorry this is long list but it's all stuff I've done over the last 5 years and hopefully may help you cut corners to get the help you need.
All the best,
Moog x
Hi booflebear.
I'm in a similar position so know exactly what you're going through. The exception is I don't live with my parents but moved back to my childhood village where they live so they know I am close by.
Quick potted history from my side - Dad has Parkinson's - rigidity version with loss of balance and shuflling walking - but mentally still mostly intact although sad at his declining abilities. Mum has vascular dementia plus various other ailments that probably contributed to the vascular dementia. They have carer's 4 times a day plus a night sitter - mainly to stop Mum wandering off at night or falling down stairs.
Apologies if you've got all the following in place now, but here's what we've achieved so far. Hopefully it will yield something new for you
Night time: A good night's sleep works wonders for all. If your Dad has occasional trouble sleeping, there's Zopiclone - a mild sleeping pill commonly prescribed in hospitals for nervous sleepers/insomniacs. It can lead to a risk falls during nightttime visits to loo (from being groggy and bleary-eyed) but if you have someone stopping over at night that's less of any issue. I was given it myself once - it feels like a double brandy making it easy to nod off.
Things to support you and your parents:
- Do you have a community Nurse Case Manager assigned to you? Ours (here in Kent) is like a district nurse who oversees Mum and Dad's, helps co-ordinate health support, and documents their health issues in one place. She visits every 2/3 weeks to take blood pressures, oxygenation levels, etc and will treat any minor wounds like fungal infections, incontinence rashes, cuts, etc. Also she gets a sense of how they're progressing day-to-day. I text or email her with updates (hospital appts), etc as sometimes the systems in various parts of the NHS don't talk to each other. She has great insight what help is available locally and is a good support for me by chasing local services as she has more clout from working within the system.
To get this nurse, I spoke to the GP and they arranged for an 'Elderly Domicilary Consultant' to assess Mum at home - it was to get a snapshot of her general health using questions, a quick Q&A to see how their cognitive state is, plus input for family. (As we know elderly parents usually say "I'm fine" even if they're far from it. From this assessment, the Nurse Case Manager was assigned to us.
- Memory Clinic Assessments: This is from a GP's referral. The initial home visit was a very delicately handled Q&A. I primed the assessor that Mum was sensitive about 'dementia' so she handled it in a very casual way, like a friendly chit-chat, but still got the information she needed to assess Mum. Mum wasn't happy with having an MRI scan (she still had capacity at that point) but from her general health and from my written overview of life at home they were able to diagnose as vascular dementia. Once you get that diagnosis more services are available or sign-posted. The Memory Clinic is short-term assessment team but when Mum's condition changes, I contact them and the psychiatrists advise on revised medication for Mum's anxiety which they then request the GP to prescribe. It took a while to find a suitable anti-depressant at right level to help Mum's anxiety but now she's on Sertraline 50mg (half pill - 25mg a day) she's relaxed, chatty, and no longer has the afternooon 'sun-downing' tearful hours.
Continuing Healthcare Assessment NHS- Effectively, if eligible, the NHS pays for/contributes to care support for elderly people at the end of their lives. Most authorities try to restrict it to literally 'end-of-life' situations, but with a Nurse Case Manager you can put forward the best case and get some financial help. It's separate from the local Social Services Care Assessments and it is not means-tested.
Agincare: Locally (here in Kent) they will provide 4 hours per week FREE respite sitting, or 2 x 2hr blocks. Speak to your local Dementia Support Network Team or ask the Nurse Case Manager. That would give you a break or give you a chance to take Dad out for a coffee and a change of scene.
Age UK dementia day centres. Mum has just started going every Monday (10am to 3pm) to their mixed ability day. There are trained carers who will do nasty stuff like nappies, etc. The activities are things like story-telling, arts and crafts, listening to music and chatting about it, knitting, cooking, etc. I was cautious, but it's great. It's light and airy and cosy with friendly staff and is secure - for those dementia sufferers who wander. They do a home assessment first - we had a chat one-to-one with the assessor to avoid upsetting Mum wth unecessary direct questions about continence, etc. Those can be handled offline. Cost locally is £50 a week.
Attendance Allowance - as mentioned by another here, this is a free weekly payment (not means-tested) from the Dept of Work & Pensions. Your local Age UK office can send out someone to help you fill it in - I would recommend this as they're more familiar on how to complete the form appropriately. The upper payment is £82.80 a week, the lower is approx. £53. Both my parents receive the upper level. Once it has been approved it's paid into their bank accounts and backdated to the date of the application form.
Lasting Power of Attorney: Do you have this set up for Mum and Dad? The forms are online at Dept of Work & Pensions so if you're fairly ok with official forms, you don't need a solicitor to charge huge amounts to complete them with you. We didn't - it took us a couple of hours to do both sets for Mum and Dad (Financial/Property, and Health). Even if your Mum can't sign her name, someone else can with a witness, etc.
Dehydration - lack of fluids can intensify Mum's dementia. She immediately starts talking a lot more about her late Mum/Dad or imagining things. A few tumblers of blackcurrant cordial later she's back in reality.
Emotions - from experience Mum has regressed to a simpler emotional response mechanism. She's either too hot, too cold, too tired, too hungry without many gradual steps in between. It's almost the sophisticated part of her brain has gone, the control mechanism, leaving her like the earlier primitive part of the brain still intact. So, as with a grimacing baby you have to work out what's wrong through a process of elimination.
Activities - I know we're not allowed to promote products on here, so the best I can say it there are products from online retailers who have special jigsaws and arts/crafts, painting games, to help keep active minds for those with reduced concentration.
I've found the key to my Mum's happiness is social stimulation, a clean, uncluttered household and good meals. If she's refusing to eat (and to be honest who actually LOVES microwave meals..?, I tell the carers to do the meds and nappies, while I cook something to whet her appetite - meals with fried onions, garlic, bacon. A full tum is a happy Mum
Sorry this is long list but it's all stuff I've done over the last 5 years and hopefully may help you cut corners to get the help you need.
All the best,
Moog x
Hi booflebear.
I'm in a similar position so know exactly what you're going through. The exception is I don't live with my parents but moved back to my childhood village where they live so they know I am close by.
Quick potted history from my side - Dad has Parkinson's - rigidity version with loss of balance and shuflling walking - but mentally still mostly intact although sad at his declining abilities. Mum has vascular dementia plus various other ailments that probably contributed to the vascular dementia. They have carer's 4 times a day plus a night sitter - mainly to stop Mum wandering off at night or falling down stairs.
Apologies if you've got all the following in place now, but here's what we've achieved so far. Hopefully it will yield something new for you
Night time: A good night's sleep works wonders for all. If your Dad has occasional trouble sleeping, there's Zopiclone - a mild sleeping pill commonly prescribed in hospitals for nervous sleepers/insomniacs. It can lead to a risk falls during nightttime visits to loo (from being groggy and bleary-eyed) but if you have someone stopping over at night that's less of any issue. I was given it myself once - it feels like a double brandy making it easy to nod off.
Things to support you and your parents:
- Do you have a community Nurse Case Manager assigned to you? Ours (here in Kent) is like a district nurse who oversees Mum and Dad's, helps co-ordinate health support, and documents their health issues in one place. She visits every 2/3 weeks to take blood pressures, oxygenation levels, etc and will treat any minor wounds like fungal infections, incontinence rashes, cuts, etc. Also she gets a sense of how they're progressing day-to-day. I text or email her with updates (hospital appts), etc as sometimes the systems in various parts of the NHS don't talk to each other. She has great insight what help is available locally and is a good support for me by chasing local services as she has more clout from working within the system.
To get this nurse, I spoke to the GP and they arranged for an 'Elderly Domicilary Consultant' to assess Mum at home - it was to get a snapshot of her general health using questions, a quick Q&A to see how their cognitive state is, plus input for family. (As we know elderly parents usually say "I'm fine" even if they're far from it. From this assessment, the Nurse Case Manager was assigned to us.
- Memory Clinic Assessments: This is from a GP's referral. The initial home visit was a very delicately handled Q&A. I primed the assessor that Mum was sensitive about 'dementia' so she handled it in a very casual way, like a friendly chit-chat, but still got the information she needed to assess Mum. Mum wasn't happy with having an MRI scan (she still had capacity at that point) but from her general health and from my written overview of life at home they were able to diagnose as vascular dementia. Once you get that diagnosis more services are available or sign-posted. The Memory Clinic is short-term assessment team but when Mum's condition changes, I contact them and the psychiatrists advise on revised medication for Mum's anxiety which they then request the GP to prescribe. It took a while to find a suitable anti-depressant at right level to help Mum's anxiety but now she's on Sertraline 50mg (half pill - 25mg a day) she's relaxed, chatty, and no longer has the afternooon 'sun-downing' tearful hours.
Continuing Healthcare Assessment NHS- Effectively, if eligible, the NHS pays for/contributes to care support for elderly people at the end of their lives. Most authorities try to restrict it to literally 'end-of-life' situations, but with a Nurse Case Manager you can put forward the best case and get some financial help. It's separate from the local Social Services Care Assessments and it is not means-tested..
Agincare: Locally (here in Kent) they will provide 4 hours per week FREE respite sitting, or 2 x 2hr blocks. Speak to your local Dementia Support Network Team or ask the Nurse Case Manager. That would give you a break or give you a chance to take Dad out for a coffee and a change of scene.
Age UK dementia day centres. Mum has just started going every Monday (10am to 3pm) to their mixed ability day. There are trained carers who will do nasty stuff like nappies, etc. The activities are things like story-telling, arts and crafts, listening to music and chatting about it, knitting, cooking, etc. I was cautious, but it's great. It's light and airy and cosy with friendly staff and is secure - for those dementia sufferers who wander. They do a home assessment first - we had a chat one-to-one with the assessor to avoid upsetting Mum wth unecessary direct questions about continence, etc. Those can be handled offline. Cost locally is £50 a week.
Attendance Allowance - as mentioned by another here, this is a free weekly payment (not means-tested) from the Dept of Work & Pensions. Your local Age UK office can send out someone to help you fill it in - I would recommend this as they're more familiar on how to complete the form appropriately. The upper payment is £82.80 a week, the lower is approx. £53. Both my parents receive the upper level. Once it has been approved it's paid into their bank accounts and backdated to the date of the application form.
Lasting Power of Attorney: Do you have this set up for Mum and Dad? The forms are online at Dept of Work & Pensions so if you're fairly ok with official forms, you don't need a solicitor to charge huge amounts to complete them with you. We didn't - it took us a couple of hours to do both sets for Mum and Dad (Financial/Property, and Health). Even if your Mum can't sign her name, someone else can with a witness, etc.
Dehydration - lack of fluids can intensify Mum's dementia. She immediately starts talking a lot more about her late Mum/Dad or imagining things. A few tumblers of blackcurrant cordial later she's back in reality.
Emotions - from experience Mum has regressed to a simpler emotional response mechanism. She's either too hot, too cold, too tired, too hungry without many gradual steps in between. It's almost the sophisticated part of her brain has gone, the control mechanism, leaving her like the earlier primitive part of the brain still intact. So, as with a grimacing baby you have to work out what's wrong through a process of elimination.
Activities - I know we're not allowed to promote products on here, so the best I can say it there are products from online retailers who have special jigsaws and arts/crafts, painting games, to help keep active minds for those with reduced concentration.
I've found the key to my Mum's happiness is social stimulation, a clean, uncluttered household and good meals. If she's refusing to eat (and to be honest who actually LOVES microwave meals..?, I tell the carers to do the meds and nappies, while I cook something to whet her appetite - meals with fried onions, garlic, bacon. A full tum is a happy Mum
Sorry this is long list but it's all stuff I've done over the last 5 years and hopefully may help you cut corners to get the help you need.
All the best,
Moog x
dear moog
I've just read your post here, may I ask how did you get a nurse case manager, I'd like one for mum, she is 90 with frailty and gp/ memory clinic suggest vascular dementia, I live with her in her home, her son and care and assist. we go to her surgery occasionally and she has an elderly check next week, so far the surgery have referred us to social care and haven't offered district nurse type visits. peter rabbit (Philip)
I feel for you in having already, like so many others, traveled along this desolate path. Others have already listed the things you should think about doing, and you have already initiated some things, so I won't add to the list other than saying that it is very important you get help so that you can take a little time out to recharge your batteries. I gave up my career to look after my mother and found Social Services good in that they helped me secure some additional money (as I was only receiving a carers allowance) to help pay for a sitting service to come in every week so that I could at least have a few hours to myself. It is absolutely vital that you get some time for yourself and so I would explore the possibility of getting assistance in finding and paying for a sitting service.
I would also tell the GP about your dad's agitation - my mum used to get quite agitated and couldn't sleep and her GP prescribed Mirtazapine. Do be careful though, as medication that belongs to the benzodiazepine category can be potentially harmful in the long term for some people. The GP will know what medication is best. I would also try to get the GP to identify the circulatory problems because blood flow is important and there may be an underlying problem that needs addressing.
Above all stay strong. Easier said than done I know, but you have to do it for your own sake as well as your parents. Do not feel isolated because by joining TP you have become a member of a wider community that fully understands and knows exactly what you are currently going through.
Nurse Care Manager
Hi Peter,
After a few GP home visits for falls and health issues, I called the GP for a triage chat, and pointed out that Mum was really struggling to look after herself, plus, her 'carer' was my Dad (82 with health problems) was unable to cope. And pointed out that I was starting to fail at holding it all together as the needs were greater than I could physically fit into a working day and it was affecting my health. I've since found that my GPs are attuned to carers who plea for help for their loved ones. Luckily it's a group practice so I can avoid the GPs who lack empathy.
The GP decided we needed the 'Elderly Domiciliary Consultant' from the hospital to take a look at Mum and a get a good idea of Mum's current physical and mental capabilities.
The consultant:
carried a basic verbal memory test - what town is this, who is the Queen, what year is it, counting from 10 to 1, etc. Nothing too intensive.
quizzed Mum on various things, but watching my reaction as she did the usual 'I'm fine, I don't have any problems."
asked me some questions as I walked him to his car. (I've found this method well works with medical visitors. You can rectify false answers from parents while it's still fresh in the clinician's mind! Plus, you get insights on next steps.)
From this, he referred us to the Memory Clinic – and also to the Nurse Care Manager, who is part of his team in the community. She works in a local communtiy health centre. This post/role may not exist in your area. You could try to find out from your local NHS Dementia Support Team/Network.
Hope that helps. I'll check back in if I've not covered everything.
All the best - sending you positive vibes.
Moog
Hi Peter,
After a few GP home visits for falls and health issues, I called the GP for a triage chat, and pointed out that Mum was really struggling to look after herself, plus, her 'carer' was my Dad (82 with health problems) was unable to cope. And pointed out that I was starting to fail at holding it all together as the needs were greater than I could physically fit into a working day and it was affecting my health. I've since found that my GPs are attuned to carers who plea for help for their loved ones. Luckily it's a group practice so I can avoid the GPs who lack empathy.
The GP decided we needed the 'Elderly Domiciliary Consultant' from the hospital to take a look at Mum and a get a good idea of Mum's current physical and mental capabilities.
The consultant:
carried a basic verbal memory test - what town is this, who is the Queen, what year is it, counting from 10 to 1, etc. Nothing too intensive.
quizzed Mum on various things, but watching my reaction as she did the usual 'I'm fine, I don't have any problems."
asked me some questions as I walked him to his car. (I've found this method well works with medical visitors. You can rectify false answers from parents while it's still fresh in the clinician's mind! Plus, you get insights on next steps.)
From this, he referred us to the Memory Clinic – and also to the Nurse Care Manager, who is part of his team in the community. She works in a local communtiy health centre. This post/role may not exist in your area. You could try to find out from your local NHS Dementia Support Team/Network.
Hope that helps. I'll check back in if I've not covered everything.
All the best - sending you positive vibes.
Moog
