Shouting at grandmother

[thehackery]

Hi All

First of all I am new here so hello.

Now the title isn't as bad as what it sounds so allow me to explain.... I care for my soon to be 96 year old grandmother in addition to her daily careers and other not so close relatives.

She has no problem with her hearing and can normally hold a conversation fairly well but various symptoms of her alzheimers are starting to ramp up such as thinking 6pm in the evening is actually 6am which isn't helped by the darker nights coming in, making random phone calls to people such as the GP surgery and then not making any sense etc... anyways one thing I have noticed recently as within the last few weeks that she replies to something I have said as if I have said something totally different and I have had to repeat myself several times before what I have said is registered with her and then she gives the appropriate reply. The first few occasions this occurred I assumed she had just misheard me but now it seems like it's yet another alzheimer's thing. I don't want or like to shout at her and just to clarify the shouting wasn't an anger or patience thing it was just in a desperate attempt to get through to her and once I raised my voice she did actually register what I was saying... normally I would have just given up or said nothing at all but in this instance it was regarding her medication and therefore had no choice but to carry on with the topic of conversation.

As I say this isn't a hard of hearing thing it's clearly related to her alzheimers and was just wondering if anyone else has experience of this with their loved ones and if so how do you approach the issue as I don't want to be raising my voice or shouting at my grandmother even if it's with the best of intentions and done believe it or not with love and concern.

Many Thanks

Hackery

 

[Pinkys]

if you are really sure that it is not being compounded by hearing loss, then I think I would approach it like I would have approached children with learning needs and poor attention. Forgive me if you do this already!!
Make sure she is looking straight at you. This may need you to move into her field of vision.
Touch her hand or arm to signal when you are about to speak.
It may seem rude, but clicking your fingers for attention can work.(not repeatedly, just as a signal)
Start your important communication with a signal phrase. 'Listen' or 'This is important'. then wait till she is appearing to focus.

Try anything. See what works.

 

[thehackery]

Thanks Pinkys

She got her hearing checked just under a fortnight ago and for a women of her age it was described as excellent and she doesn't even need hearing aids and generally when speaking with her using my normal voice she hears perfectly and wouldn't mishear anymore than I would at 60 years her junior.

I never thought to phrase something important with a prefix of "Listen this is important"... I will definitely try that in the future. Fairly sure she would not appreciate clicking of fingers and don't want to do anything that would wind her up as she has always been such as a gentle loving woman but with the Alzheimer's sadly there is aggression starting to creep in. It seems like if you have done something real or imagined to annoy her in anyway she switches off to anything you might say afterwards sounds bad to say so but a bit like how a child would huff.

You are quite right when I think back to the incidents in question I can't say she was really giving what I was saying undivided attention and will definitely try moving closer and perhaps physical contact... we are not that sort of family that do hugs and stuff so maybe the physical contact would work more out of shock that anything else.

I already practice a routine before trying to discuss anything important from her such as getting the mail sorted which is a great cause of confusion especially junk mail, let her rant about anything that has or is annoying her regardless of how repetitive it may be and turn the television of and close the blinds (as the neighbors annoy her... they don't do anything wrong but her biggest annoyance is the man across the street washes his car too much).

Anyways... thank you for that advice I can't believe how simple it is but I am sure it will work even in the short term until the disease takes another uptick.

Many Thanks

Hackery

 

[arielsmelody]

Also, if you don't allow yourself to become annoyed (not so easy!), you might find that you can raise your voice and speak more loudly without shouting as such - I'm thinking 'projecting' like an actor would do on stage. If you can speak clearly and confidently but in a controlled way, it won't feel so aggressive.