Starting again with mum this time. I don't think I an cope

[Vera's den]

Some TP'ers will have seen my posts concerning FIL with Altzhimers now it's my Mother I need help with. Mum has always had a bad memory but over the past few months I have been increasingly concerned about her on three occasions now telling me her flat is wrong. She knows it's her flat but it's in the wrong place. I was away last week and she phoned every day saying she couldn't stay there any longer and she has to sleep on the sofa because she can't go into her bedroom because it's wrong.
Mum has many medical problems and is unable to walk more than a few yards unaided so is largely house bound. She has carers four times a day plus someone to do her laundry and shopping. I'm over an hour away but visit most weeks and I have a brother about 30 minutes away. ( I'm the eldest of seven but that's another story). My brother visits at least once a week.
I don't know what to do mum can be very manipulative so I don't know if she is exaggerating things to get attention or if she has dementia I am taking her to the doctor on Wednesday and will be ringing her local adult social care office tomorrow. I have been ill myself with the strain of caring for FIL I have been very depressed like many hear but now he is in a home I was just beginning to breath again. I can't do it all again.

 

[sue38]

I'm sorry to hear about your mum. Having lost my dad to dementia 6 years ago, my mum was diagnosed last year and you do feel 'here we go again...'.

The first thing that occurred to me was whether your mum might have some kind of infection if this current behaviour is a sudden downturn. Do ask the GP to check, especially for a UTI.

If your mum has a tendency to be manipulative I wonder if this is a way of getting your attention, particularly if she is aware and is resentful of the time you have given to caring for your FIL.

 

[Vera's den]

I'm sorry to hear about your mum. Having lost my dad to dementia 6 years ago, my mum was diagnosed last year and you do feel 'here we go again...'.

The first thing that occurred to me was whether your mum might have some kind of infection if this current behaviour is a sudden downturn. Do ask the GP to check, especially for a UTI.

If your mum has a tendency to be manipulative I wonder if this is a way of getting your attention, particularly if she is aware and is resentful of the time you have given to caring for your FIL.

Yes I did wonder about an infection and my brother asked for a test on Friday which was negative. She is very resentful over my caring for FIL but that has never stopped me from taking her to all her appointments or visiting her. She has been asking to move closer to me but that isn't going to help and I would hate to change her doctor she has many ongoing health issues with at least one hospital appointment every month Transferring to a new health authority would be difficult.

 

[HillyBilly]

No wonder you feel like you can't cope a second time around. Who could?
Best of luck with the call tomorrow and the appointment on Weds x

 

[Bunpoots]

We've had 4 family members with dementia. First my uncle - who was a very laid back, happy Alzheimer's sufferer. He died suddenly before it got too bad.

Then it was mum's turn. We knew she wasn't well but didn't believe lightening could strike twice. Eventually it became obvious that it had though. She was not happy and suffered from paranoia and became aggressive. Eventually she had to go to a nursing home as we couldn't look after her once she couldn't stand. The aggression had gone by then but she fidgeted all the time. By the time she died it was a relief that she was no longer suffering.

Two years later it was her twin sister who had a series of mini strokes and developed vascular dementia. She also stopped walking after a series of falls and had to go into a home. She died of pneumonia and that was harder because her personality was still there. I feel guilty because I grieved longer for my aunt than I did for my mum.

Now it's dad's turn...

Can't help thinking there's not much hope for me ☹️

But everyone is different and it might be easier this time if she has it. Try not to worry and take things a day at a time ( I tell myself this all the time! )