My dad who lives with me and my wife in the same house has episodes where he is good a few weeks or months then goes into a spell where he is confused..hears ringing or people singing..doesn't groom and very hard for us to care for him. He was recently in hospital and released to a rehab nursing home for 3 months after having a seizure. He forgot how to walk and rehab helped..but after home a month his home care stopped. My wife and I both work although I can retire at the end of the year it's hard on both of us to go out and not worry as these episodes last days if not weeks and are getting more frequent. He goes into night mode and we need to make sure he intakes water and keeps hydrated. Should we put him in a home or get an aide..he gets very stubborn at times and afraid aides would walk out. I am not sleeping as every noise I hear I jump. I need to check him mornings .night..clean up his place daily .wash his clothes as he wets himself. Losing my mind. I hate to see him like this. Need advise. My mum passed in 2000 and we take care of him.
84 year old father has dementia and difficult to deal with
- Thread starter nicksson
- Start date
We are in exactly the same position as you. Are you in the UK. Dad has been in respite recently for a week and I realised then just how much time the care of him takes and how my own quality of life has suffered. I also work full time, and he also lives with us. We have cared for him for 9 years now. We seem to be in the same place as you. Whether or not this helps, for my own sanity I have made this decision. We are going to put him into respite every few weeks for a week. I have it planned and booked until December 2017. I will manage with this as long as I can. I have the same issues as you in respect of him being stubborn, but his most challenging behaviour is directed at me. If at any time during that time he becomes more difficult, less mobile, or I cannot cope, then he will remain in residential care. I have planned that I only think as far ahead as the next month. I work nights to facilitate caring for him and I find a brisk walk if I can slot it in works wonders for my mental health . I wish you the best. It is difficult.
There comes a time when the best care you can provide, is to let others take over.
Going into a Care Home is not the end of the world.
Company.
Regular meals/medication.
Laundry/housework all done by others.
Activites.
Company.
All combine to make Jack or Jill a very happy bunny!
They won't see it that way at first, but they do settle.
http://www.ocagingservicescollabora...te-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired.pdf
Have a read of this web page, its American, but the ideas do work, replace milk & cookies with tea and biscuits.
Bod
Going into a Care Home is not the end of the world.
Company.
Regular meals/medication.
Laundry/housework all done by others.
Activites.
Company.
All combine to make Jack or Jill a very happy bunny!
They won't see it that way at first, but they do settle.
http://www.ocagingservicescollabora...te-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired.pdf
Have a read of this web page, its American, but the ideas do work, replace milk & cookies with tea and biscuits.
Bod
My 84 year old dad
I feel for you. My husband is 83 with frontal lobe dementia. He is totally incontinent thank goodness for the local Incontinence nurse as he has pads on prescription. I am not well my self and am totally exhausted. My doctor, care worker, mental health nursenurse and geriatric consultant say l need him to go into a home, like all of you l has thought that when l was overwhelmed l could ask for him to go into a home. The social worker says he will not pass the panel as they don't put in any care to help him wash. I was shocked as he is deteriorating by the day, no memory, reactive dysphasia. The way she is talking is that they will never go into a home. She is saying things like well even if you don't want to cook we can get someone into do that. Get a cleaner etc she is deliberately missing the point that l am ill and my go is worried l will have another nervous breakdown. It is not as easy as when l can't cope l can get him into a home. In my case even though he is willing to go they are refusing.
I feel for you. My husband is 83 with frontal lobe dementia. He is totally incontinent thank goodness for the local Incontinence nurse as he has pads on prescription. I am not well my self and am totally exhausted. My doctor, care worker, mental health nursenurse and geriatric consultant say l need him to go into a home, like all of you l has thought that when l was overwhelmed l could ask for him to go into a home. The social worker says he will not pass the panel as they don't put in any care to help him wash. I was shocked as he is deteriorating by the day, no memory, reactive dysphasia. The way she is talking is that they will never go into a home. She is saying things like well even if you don't want to cook we can get someone into do that. Get a cleaner etc she is deliberately missing the point that l am ill and my go is worried l will have another nervous breakdown. It is not as easy as when l can't cope l can get him into a home. In my case even though he is willing to go they are refusing.
hiyaaa - has he been tested for a Urinary Tract Infection? It's very common in PWDs and can make them hallucinate and go 'extra crazy' for a while.
Beth - you're entitled to an assessment of your needs, as well as your husband's. Have you had that?
Hugs
Jo
Beth - you're entitled to an assessment of your needs, as well as your husband's. Have you had that?
Hugs
Jo
" he is willing to go they are refusing. "
My Mum, lived at home, was blind due to a cancer, sundowning, failing to take essential medications, wandered, and could not cook meals, but she could reheat in the microwave. She could not use the washer, clean or care for the house, or even herself. She needed to be prompted to change her clothes and wash her hair, I had to cut her fingernails.... etc...etc.......
She had a private cleaner once a fortnight. When the SS did her needs assessment they said that Mum could manage wonderfully, but that they would arrange a fortnightly wash girl to put the laundry in the machine.....and in the drier.....but not iron of course! and for a girl to call twice a day for her meds. This was only because of her blindness. By the way...this was all to be paid for out of her Attendance Allowance which was fair enough, that was what we claimed it for. Oh and naturally I could still carry on with my three or four visits daily, shop for her, clean for her, be her sectretary and chauffeur. I could carry on trawling the streets for her when she went wandering and be on call 24/7 365 days a year....just as I had for the previous 5 years or more. Unpaid of course.
Mum was going to be a self funder when she did eventually go into a care home, but we knew that the possibilty of her needing funding from the LA via a deferred payment was likely so we needed them on side. So we tried their way....but eventually it got to the stage where I could not do it anymore, I was exhausted and in grave danger of breakdown and divorce. Mum was falling in the street, falling in the house and when she dropped the keys behind the front door and fell trying to pick them up to let the carer in, blocking the door altogether....enough was enough.
She had picked her own CH, and was brave enough to give it a chance. Yes she hated it. having to give up what she saw as her independance, but she resorted to tears in front of the SW.... and eventually they gave in.
Mum spent her final three years in a Care Home....it finally gave me the freedom to have a holiday. I still saw her lots but I was not chained to her. I took her out, friends took her out and then visited her as she got worse. OK, at the end it was still down to just me....but I could walk out at the end of a visit, knowing she was still safe.
I did not put her into a home. Social Services did not put her into a home. A mixture of dementia and her other ailments did that, and it was the right thing for her.
My Mum, lived at home, was blind due to a cancer, sundowning, failing to take essential medications, wandered, and could not cook meals, but she could reheat in the microwave. She could not use the washer, clean or care for the house, or even herself. She needed to be prompted to change her clothes and wash her hair, I had to cut her fingernails.... etc...etc.......
She had a private cleaner once a fortnight. When the SS did her needs assessment they said that Mum could manage wonderfully, but that they would arrange a fortnightly wash girl to put the laundry in the machine.....and in the drier.....but not iron of course! and for a girl to call twice a day for her meds. This was only because of her blindness. By the way...this was all to be paid for out of her Attendance Allowance which was fair enough, that was what we claimed it for. Oh and naturally I could still carry on with my three or four visits daily, shop for her, clean for her, be her sectretary and chauffeur. I could carry on trawling the streets for her when she went wandering and be on call 24/7 365 days a year....just as I had for the previous 5 years or more. Unpaid of course.
Mum was going to be a self funder when she did eventually go into a care home, but we knew that the possibilty of her needing funding from the LA via a deferred payment was likely so we needed them on side. So we tried their way....but eventually it got to the stage where I could not do it anymore, I was exhausted and in grave danger of breakdown and divorce. Mum was falling in the street, falling in the house and when she dropped the keys behind the front door and fell trying to pick them up to let the carer in, blocking the door altogether....enough was enough.
She had picked her own CH, and was brave enough to give it a chance. Yes she hated it. having to give up what she saw as her independance, but she resorted to tears in front of the SW.... and eventually they gave in.
Mum spent her final three years in a Care Home....it finally gave me the freedom to have a holiday. I still saw her lots but I was not chained to her. I took her out, friends took her out and then visited her as she got worse. OK, at the end it was still down to just me....but I could walk out at the end of a visit, knowing she was still safe.
I did not put her into a home. Social Services did not put her into a home. A mixture of dementia and her other ailments did that, and it was the right thing for her.
