Slipping away

[Emmajayne]

So it's been decided yesterday after our meeting with the doctor that they wont be carrying on with any fluids etc on my grandma. She's having her last lot of antibiotics tonight and last bag of fluid. Theres no more they can do. Shes not eaten for 3 weeks plus now she's refusing all medication too.
Shes simply giving up. Shes not opened her eyes for 2 days now. She just nods or doesn't respond.
I know everyone is different but could anyone give me any ideas of time from stopping treatment to passing away?
Im taking it all in my stride and trying to be strong for my dad but im struggling to be honest. Felling in limbo ☹️

 

[cragmaid]

There is no simple answer to the painful diemma facing you. Simply put, she will go when she stops living. My own Mum carried on drinking until the day before she died, others have gone on for several days surviving on breathing alone.
All I can say is be with her if you can, tell her you love her and that it's OK to leave...... and know that you are doing the kindest thing you can do for her when you let her go.
Thinking of you and wishing you strength and comfort....Maureen.x.x.

 

[kerryfw]

My heart goes out to you. My Dad grew his wings 2 days ago. He hadn't eaten or drunk properly for about a month. Dad lost his swallowing reflex completely and had to be nil by mouth as he even chocked on his own saliva. It took 11 days for him to give up the fight but that maybe because he was young and his heart was strong. I'm sending you strength to get through this difficult time. Xx


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[Emmajayne]

My heart goes out to you. My Dad grew his wings 2 days ago. He hadn't eaten or drunk properly for about a month. Dad lost his swallowing reflex completely and had to be nil by mouth as he even chocked on his own saliva. It took 11 days for him to give up the fight but that maybe because he was young and his heart was strong. I'm sending you strength to get through this difficult time. Xx


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

Im so sorry Kerry x
Physically my grandma is strong so im sure it wont happen overnight, she's always had a good strong heartbeat like your dad. They told us that with her now being bed bound she's obviously at high risk if chest infections and pneumonia. She had pneumonia last year and pulled through as she was alot stronger then im totally aware she couldn't fight it this time. My panic is i don't want her to be alone when she passes and im still working at the moment. Thats why I asked for a timeframe. I know that sounds selfish of me x

 

[Emmajayne]

There is no simple answer to the painful diemma facing you. Simply put, she will go when she stops living. My own Mum carried on drinking until the day before she died, others have gone on for several days surviving on breathing alone.
All I can say is be with her if you can, tell her you love her and that it's OK to leave...... and know that you are doing the kindest thing you can do for her when you let her go.
Thinking of you and wishing you strength and comfort....Maureen.x.x.

Im going to be with her but as selfish as this sounds at the moment im still working. There's always someone there when im not but we are a very small family so its hard. I've got every intention of finishing work asap. I know she will go when she's ready but im scared of her being on her own. She's a strong woman always has been so i think she will survive on breathing alone for a while. This is the kindest way. We love her more than words but we don't want her being messed with anymore, prodded and poked, shes 91 and had enough x

 

[Crag]

Sorry to read this Emmajayne, as I have been in this situation too. My dad passed away in March.

 

[LucyCW]

My thoughts are with you and your family Emmajayne and I'm sure you made the right decision.
Maybe you could give her something to hold when you have to leave her alone.
I'm thinking something really soft that just fits in the palm of her hand. I did this for my late SO (it was a tiny rabbit) whenever I had to leave him I'd slip this into his hand and although often his hand just lay on the sheets this he'd grip.
It was my link to him, him to me I hadn't entirely gone and he was not alone.
I also kept telling him that it was ok to let go, I'd be with him soon.

 

[Tatiana]

So hard....

I'm very sorry, Emmajayne.

My Mil came out of hospital (having had pneumonia) on a Sunday. She refused any medication/food/water as of the Monday. Simply turned her head away pointedly. She was asleep almost all the time until about Wednesday when the GP came out to check on her. She was unconscious rather than asleep from that day. He warned us the end might be close. The carehome had set up a CD player in her room, playing her favourite songs from the 50/60's and from time to time, we massaged nicely scented cream onto her hands and arms.

She finally passed quite peacefully on the Saturday afternoon. It wasn't unexpected and it was a blessed release for her.

Just visit as often as you can and no, you are not being selfish. We missed Sheila's death by a very few minutes, though we'd sat with her for hours that morning. Her husband was there and six members of staff, plus her special Carer.

I wish you all well and a gentle passing for your dear Gran.

 

[Red66]

So it's been decided yesterday after our meeting with the doctor that they wont be carrying on with any fluids etc on my grandma. She's having her last lot of antibiotics tonight and last bag of fluid. Theres no more they can do. Shes not eaten for 3 weeks plus now she's refusing all medication too.
Shes simply giving up. Shes not opened her eyes for 2 days now. She just nods or doesn't respond.
I know everyone is different but could anyone give me any ideas of time from stopping treatment to passing away?
Im taking it all in my stride and trying to be strong for my dad but im struggling to be honest. Felling in limbo ☹️

Hi Emmajayne my dad passed on Sunday, that took12 days of no food and very little fluid. I am grateful he is at peace now and somewhat relieved, although I keep feeling guilty for that. You can't be there all the time sadly, life does have to go on all around and I am quite sure your grandma would still want you earning money to keep a roof over your head. Don't feel guilty about not being able to be there, it will happen when it happens. You sound like a tight knit, caring family. That's all grandma can ask for. Red x

 

[Emmajayne]

Thankyou to everyone who has taken the time to comment. Im very greatful xx
Today at the best interest meeting we have been told to look for a nursing home, she has been fast tracked so its just a matter of us finding a home, them coming to assess her and then she can be moved. Drs are going day by day so if by the day it comes to move her she is too poorly then she wont go.
We've got a list of homes and we are going round them tomorrow. She will be going on a continuing healthcare/primary nursing basis.
I thank you again for all your well wishes and concern x

 

[Emmajayne]

Hi Emmajayne my dad passed on Sunday, that took12 days of no food and very little fluid. I am grateful he is at peace now and somewhat relieved, although I keep feeling guilty for that. You can't be there all the time sadly, life does have to go on all around and I am quite sure your grandma would still want you earning money to keep a roof over your head. Don't feel guilty about not being able to be there, it will happen when it happens. You sound like a tight knit, caring family. That's all grandma can ask for. Red x

The guilt can sometimes be too much. Feel like i need to be with her all the time but like you say, it's impossible! We've been school uniform shopping today so that taken my mind off it! Going to look at nursing homes tomorrow, if she makes it to one is a different story x