The woman in the black cloak

[Cole_H]

My mum keeps seeing a woman in a black cloak, it's scaring her. I see her yelling at them and then reacting as if someone has really slapped her. It's really distressing to see and obviously awful for her.

I guess hallucinations are quite common. Is there anything that can be done?

On a side note my mums gran had dementia and my mum used to tell me stories of her gran seeing a woman in a black cloak. If I had more time it would inspire me to write a horror film

 

[BeckyJan]

Just wanted to say hello and welcome to Talking Point (TP).
This is a new one on me so not sure what to say.

I am not too sure how I would handle this one. ? would it work if you said 'oh heck its that lady from next door I will tell her to change her style' - or something better or similar.
Hopefully others will have better ideas.

PS I think its worth mentioning to the Consultant/GP as they may have medication to help.

 

[Risa]

If you are with her when she sees this woman, could you shoo her away or tell your Mum that the woman is a friend who you've asked to keep an eye on her? Very distressing for you and your Mum though.

I'd go along with BeckyJan's suggestion to mention it to your Mum's GP.

 

[Loumag]

My Mum regularly sees old men in her house - sometimes one, sometimes up to 4 - She will ask me if I heard the noise they made at night (I dont live with her) and a carer told me she was cooking for them one night - I never know how to react either - I read an article about Lewey body dementia and it says hallucinations like this is part of it - dint say how to deal with it though. Sometimes I just agree with her and othertimes if she's scared I try to explain its all part of her illness - but I feel pretty hopeless either way.We are waiting for results of a brain scan before we see her consultant so was going to ask him then - I hate this illness.

 

[Pinkys]

So distressing. I believe the line is not to challenge reality, but deal with it, if necessary. Shoo away the lady in the cloak, or ask her to leave, since your mother is distressed by her presence. take your mother out of the room and explain the lady will leave once she is alone...try anything and see what helps.

 

[Loumag]

Just been into my Mums to replace her bedroom lightbulb and she told me she doesn't know what to do about the people downstairs....she lives alone in a bungalow.....when I asked her what was up she said that one of them wouldn't get out of bed and had been sleeping all day.....I just said to leave them be, but maybe I should correct her? Didnt want to worry her more by saying there is no downstairs and no people....what to do?

 

[canary]

Just been into my Mums to replace her bedroom lightbulb and she told me she doesn't know what to do about the people downstairs....she lives alone in a bungalow.....when I asked her what was up she said that one of them wouldn't get out of bed and had been sleeping all day.....I just said to leave them be, but maybe I should correct her? Didnt want to worry her more by saying there is no downstairs and no people....what to do?

I think you did right. Correcting her will only cause distress.

Mum was convinced that she lived under a school, the children made a terrible racket going up and down the stairs and they kept on coming in and rearranging the furniture.

Needless to say, there were no children, no school, nothing was rearranged and, in fact, she lived in a bungalow so there were no stairs either........
I just used to murmur " How annoying. You would think that their parents would teach them better manners...."

 

[Cole_H]

If you are with her when she sees this woman, could you shoo her away or tell your Mum that the woman is a friend who you've asked to keep an eye on her? Very distressing for you and your Mum though.

I'd go along with BeckyJan's suggestion to mention it to your Mum's GP.

Thanks. She never seems to do it when I'm there. But she has started to waving to the people on Eastenders. She told me a man was having an awful argument and if he come back she will hit them. Not sure how she would fair in a fight with Phil Michell but anyway.

I try to tell my mum she is dreaming the woman in black and the people in the room. I did start off reminding her about her gran seeing the woman in black but then she told me never to insult her family so I now just tell her she's gone.

It's also quite scary for my child who thinks the house is haunted. It's so difficult

 

[Jessbow]

I actually added kit kats to mums shopping for the little girl (with green hair ribbons) that lived under the washbasin.............

Farmore difficult when the 'visitor' is not as aimiable as Mums little girl was.

Maybe try the ''I wish she'd wear brighter clothes,'' tack, wonder why she always wears black etc

 

[Loumag]

I'm taking my Mum to GP this afternoon to see if she perhaps has urine infection which is causing extra confusion - will ask about hallucinations when I'm there and let you all know if there's any advice for us -

 

[herknee]

I found towards the end of my mum living independently she would be found sitting in her flat staring at the blank TV screen in silence. She believed the people on TV were staring at her and then climbing out of the screen and walking around the flat. TV was my salvation to keeping her entertained but then became her nightmare and another step to losing her independence eventually

 

[LucyCW]

Living with hallucinations from two sides

I care for someone with Dementia who had hallucinations while in hospital and I live with my own hallucinations from Lewy-Bodies.
My BIL saw large black slugs crawling everywhere so I would tell him to pull the sheet over his head so the spray didn't get in his face. I'd then make a hissing sound and tell him the slugs had been killed. This stopped them being a worry. The kitten under the bed I told him I'd take it home with me when I left. I never argued what he saw.
For my own hallucinations, sometimes I recognise them for what they are, my late abusive biological mother, a Roman legionaire who scowls at me, a little girl who does handstands on the shelves that hold work in the pottery class I attend. These I just keep reminding myself are not part of my today.
The other more horrific ones I have real problems with. I've taught the folk in my life not to to deny what I see, hear or smell because it doesn't help me one jot.
They are real for me in that time frame and no amount of denial/argument changes it, just adds more stress.
My suggestion from living both sides with hallucinations is to meet the dilusionall person where they are and not where you would like them to be.
If the hallucination causes distress try to deal with it, if not then go with it.
Sometimes both I and my BIL can recognise later that we were hallucinating, if it's him I say "yes M, you were seeing ...... but that's ok because it shows your imagination is still in full working order." Agreement from my people that I was seeing things helps, then I know for a little while longer what is happening to/with me.
Hope this helps

 

[elvismad]

My mum always blames 'the kids' when anything is missing. She lives alone and her grandchildren are 100 miles away! In truth she 'puts things away safely' and promptly forgets. I guess she would rather blame the imaginary kids than admit she has forgotten where she has put them. I am ashamed to say that at times it makes me so annoyed to have to search for the same things day after day (jewellery, teeth, door stops). Truth is none of it has any value. I just underlines the futility of it all

 

[dadalz]

Hello and welcome, Cole. What you have described suggests to me that your mother seeing this lady in a black cloak is urinary tract infection. UT causes people to hallucinate. When my father was staying at a nursing home, he use to wander around the corridors during the night. When I visited him, I was informed by a member of staff who had put him to bed. I said to my dad. Did you know that a nurse found you wandering around the corridors last night. My dad said, yes and went onto say that he had nearly died because the nurse who found him was an agent of the demon.

 

[la lucia]

I care for someone with Dementia who had hallucinations while in hospital and I live with my own hallucinations from Lewy-Bodies.
My BIL saw large black slugs crawling everywhere so I would tell him to pull the sheet over his head so the spray didn't get in his face. I'd then make a hissing sound and tell him the slugs had been killed. This stopped them being a worry. The kitten under the bed I told him I'd take it home with me when I left. I never argued what he saw.
For my own hallucinations, sometimes I recognise them for what they are, my late abusive biological mother, a Roman legionaire who scowls at me, a little girl who does handstands on the shelves that hold work in the pottery class I attend. These I just keep reminding myself are not part of my today.
The other more horrific ones I have real problems with. I've taught the folk in my life not to to deny what I see, hear or smell because it doesn't help me one jot.
They are real for me in that time frame and no amount of denial/argument changes it, just adds more stress.
My suggestion from living both sides with hallucinations is to meet the dilusionall person where they are and not where you would like them to be.
If the hallucination causes distress try to deal with it, if not then go with it.
Sometimes both I and my BIL can recognise later that we were hallucinating, if it's him I say "yes M, you were seeing ...... but that's ok because it shows your imagination is still in full working order." Agreement from my people that I was seeing things helps, then I know for a little while longer what is happening to/with me.
Hope this helps

What brilliant advice and I suspect it will help people searching the forum very much

 

[oops a daisy]

The lady upstairs

Hi I'm New to this and my mum has Dementia. An imaginary lady lives upstairs in her house and moves all mums things around, leaves things that don't belong to her (we know they are all mums things) and even sleeps in the spare bed mum finds this very distressing and says she is going to call the police and take a knife to her. As a family we have tried explaining to her that there is no one there and we know it's her moving things around, we even asked if she has seen her, she says no but heard her moving around.

 

[Loumag]

I care for someone with Dementia who had hallucinations while in hospital and I live with my own hallucinations from Lewy-Bodies.
My BIL saw large black slugs crawling everywhere so I would tell him to pull the sheet over his head so the spray didn't get in his face. I'd then make a hissing sound and tell him the slugs had been killed. This stopped them being a worry. The kitten under the bed I told him I'd take it home with me when I left. I never argued what he saw.
For my own hallucinations, sometimes I recognise them for what they are, my late abusive biological mother, a Roman legionaire who scowls at me, a little girl who does handstands on the shelves that hold work in the pottery class I attend. These I just keep reminding myself are not part of my today.
The other more horrific ones I have real problems with. I've taught the folk in my life not to to deny what I see, hear or smell because it doesn't help me one jot.
They are real for me in that time frame and no amount of denial/argument changes it, just adds more stress.
My suggestion from living both sides with hallucinations is to meet the dilusionall person where they are and not where you would like them to be.
If the hallucination causes distress try to deal with it, if not then go with it.
Sometimes both I and my BIL can recognise later that we were hallucinating, if it's him I say "yes M, you were seeing ...... but that's ok because it shows your imagination is still in full working order." Agreement from my people that I was seeing things helps, then I know for a little while longer what is happening to/with me.
Hope this helps

This is really helpful - thanks for sharing! My Mum continues to see men in the house and the last week has been seeing my late Dad - she is cooking for him and phoned in the early hours to tell me the "machine that makes you sleep" was making a noise and she was scared Dad would trip over it.....she's on anti biotics for UTI so maybe the infection is making things escalate? I don't know -

 

[tweetypie]

My mum had Alzheimer's and in the early years used to tell me about waking up and finding men in her bedroom, I asked her if she was frightened and she said no, we were chatting!
Then another time she was telling me all about a journey she'd gone on a bus and chatted to other people.

In my family we believed in being honest, so I just told her - mum, you know you've got Alzheimer's and with that you can get hallucinations. I think this is what you were having. It's nothing to be frightened about, it's just part of your illness.

She accepted what I told her and was reassured.

Personally I think when there is some recognition of symptoms, it is ok to be honest.

But just do whatever you feel is right for that person as you know them best.

 

[Amy in the US]

Just wanted to say that a UTI or other infection or illness can definitely cause an escalation in symptoms or change in behaviour in a person with dementia. Don't ever hesitate to get things medically checked out if you feel something is "off."

 

[Grangran]

Seeing tv programme

My husband has lewybodies he has recentlygot very distressed watching tv houses for sale he has it in his mind that his house is being sold without his consent
Lfind him shouting at the people thereon tv needs calming down
Then he cat naps alot throughout the day
This is my first post, so apologies if unclear hope to do better
Grangran