Aiming for joy

[Daisymarguerite]

It's been a nice day. My neighbour came to invite us to a party, a friend called round with a present for the new grand daughter and finally I was able to chat to my neighbour about how to improve my garden. Problem is that OH has not felt well and he's been asleep most of the day and he has no desire to even walk around the garden. The sun is streaming through the trees making everything so lovely but he has no interest. He's gone back to sleep now. Anything I suggested, a walk round the garden, (it's very small but I love it), a walk down the road, or even a run out has been met with sad, lost blue eyes. So sad . I'm crying into my glass of wine. I want us to be happy. Even just a few hours.....why is he so lost ? I want to do the right thing. Why can't I put it right.
Sorry all a bit pathetic but you know making other people happy has been my reason d'etre and it's not going well ....

 

[stanleypj]

Many of us will understand your feelings entirely Daisy. There are no easy answers but I bet you still have some better times, maybe even brief ones and i do hope they come back again before too long.

 

[Shedrech]

Hi Daisymarguerite
you've had some lovely moments in the day, keep those in sight
I'm sorry, none of us can make it right - we can just make it as good as it can be which is what you do
sometimes that means just letting go of joy and accepting quiet and calm, and being grateful for there being no anxiety today, no mishaps
maybe instead of suggesting something, just matter of factly start doing it - I know my dad can no longer cope with any choice or suggestion so I tell him what we're doing; if he doesn't want to he soon makes that clear and I quickly change tack; mostly he goes along with me and I witter on about how lovely the sky looks, doesn't it? so he can join in by simply saying yes (or he can ignore me)
it's a different, quieter, smaller joy when he says yes and smiles but it's a joy shared nevertheless
much sympathy

 

[Daisymarguerite]

Hi Daisymarguerite
you've had some lovely moments in the day, keep those in sight
I'm sorry, none of us can make it right - we can just make it as good as it can be which is what you do
sometimes that means just letting go of joy and accepting quiet and calm, and being grateful for there being no anxiety today, no mishaps
maybe instead of suggesting something, just matter of factly start doing it - I know my dad can no longer cope with any choice or suggestion so I tell him what we're doing; if he doesn't want to he soon makes that clear and I quickly change tack; mostly he goes along with me and I witter on about how lovely the sky looks, doesn't it? so he can join in by simply saying yes (or he can ignore me)
it's a different, quieter, smaller joy when he says yes and smiles but it's a joy shared nevertheless
much sympathy

Thank you Shedreq that's good advice.
We used to discuss everything and banter to and fro. OH had a lively sense of humour and I do still glimpses of it but all too often what he tries to say nowadays makes little sense. I know he's still in there somewhere but I can't find him .

 

[Daisymarguerite]

Many of us will understand your feelings entirely Daisy. There are no easy answers but I bet you still have some better times, maybe even brief ones and i do hope they come back again before too long.

Thank you stanleypj. I travel through life pretty optimistically.My father used to say to me 'aim for the stars and even if you miss you'll still get to the moon' so - let's see where's that North Star...