This is my first post. About six years ago I was concerned with mums memory loss and repeating the same conversations over and over in a short space of time. An appointment was made at the memory clinic, with mums protestations that there was nothing wrong. We saw a very nice professor and chatted for a while and made another appointment for six months time. When we arrived home mum became very angry and stayed that way for weeks, needless to say, we never kept the next appointment. One family member even suggested I'd done the wrong thing. Three years ago it became obvious that mum needed 24hour care...So here I am. Mum slept most of today so I can look forward to being prodded with her walking stick throughout the night if I do manage to fall asleep.
Coping with denial
- Thread starter patmac
- Start date
Hello Patmac.
So very sorry but your last sentence did make me smile. Though I'm sure it's not at all smile-worthy for you.
3 years is a hell of a long time never mind 6 years without any form of help or outside support. Are you coping or is that a silly question?
If you feel like it, do post some more about your situation and then this lovely community will rock up with support and pointers for you.
I do hope you manage to have a stick-free night
So very sorry but your last sentence did make me smile. Though I'm sure it's not at all smile-worthy for you.
3 years is a hell of a long time never mind 6 years without any form of help or outside support. Are you coping or is that a silly question?
If you feel like it, do post some more about your situation and then this lovely community will rock up with support and pointers for you.
I do hope you manage to have a stick-free night
Hello Patmac.
So very sorry but your last sentence did make me smile. Though I'm sure it's not at all smile-worthy for you.
3 years is a hell of a long time never mind 6 years without any form of help or outside support. Are you coping or is that a silly question?
If you feel like it, do post some more about your situation and then this lovely community will rock up with support and pointers for you.
I do hope you manage to have a stick-free night
Thank you HillyBilly, now that I've broken the ice it will be easier in the future.
Hoo, Boy, welcome to the Club!
I think our own Carer's Denial is very strong, as the PWD often has peaks and valleys and, at least in the early days, can sometimes seem 100% "normal" and have you asking yourself if you are: 1. Too Critical or 2. Imagining the Problem.
Don't worry. A PWD will make it quite clear that there IS a problem, if there is, eventually. The trick is staying clear-eyed enough to see it when it presents itself. (You have my heartfelt sympathy for what you're now going through, BTW). It's hard : (
On the flip side of the coin, like with your Mother, my Husband was aggravated with having to see a doctor, did not want to go, "but I don't HAVE a problem..." and then, when I finally got him to the first neurologist, he fired him (it's a long story, but it was the right choice). Then, we had to go through a few weeks of him telling me there was nothing wrong, doctors are all in it for the money, they were trying to "trick" him into being sick so they could make a fortune on his medicines and get a free trip to the Bahamas (OK--that part MIGHT be true in the US, LOL). **making a joke here*** But truly, he was very suspicious of everybody's motives & thinking we were conspiring to "make him sick." He also felt the diagnostic tests/steps were "tricks" as well, to make him "dizzy" (he has severe vertigo attacks, at times, & they performed something called an "Epley Maneuver" to induce and then clear the vertigo---it actually frightened him, which made him think it was a "trick.").
Please post more; many here can give specific tips and advice for specific problems. I know others have been there as well. It's trying, it's difficult, but it is what it is.
Glad you're posting!
Willow Tree
P.S. I'm new, too, but now that I have some friends to "talk" to, I can't seem to shut up---Apologies for my long-winded posts, friends : )
Thank you all, I have been 'prod-free' for several nights, so I'm wondering if Tom Selleck or Harrison Ford really do come to visit her when I'm asleep ha ha. Anyway I thought I would ask this question - mum doesn't own any property and has no money to speak of...Should I still apply for POA?
If you can, I would recommend getting PoA, for both financial and health. It would just make things easier in the long run, I think.
Glad to hear the prodding has diminished!
I think POAs would make things easier, in the future.
Is your Mum getting Attendance Allowance and everything else she might be entitled to? Reduced council tax maybe etc? If she's in receipt of state pension, you can apply to be an appointee for her. Apologies if you're already ahead of the game on these scores.
I think POAs would make things easier, in the future.
Is your Mum getting Attendance Allowance and everything else she might be entitled to? Reduced council tax maybe etc? If she's in receipt of state pension, you can apply to be an appointee for her. Apologies if you're already ahead of the game on these scores.
I think mum gets everything she's entitled to and I already look after her finances, bills and such. There are two older siblings and one younger...The younger lives abroad, one older sibling lives down south, the other lives very near but may as well live abroad, for all the help I get, they've not visited for five weeks now. I'm not sure how to go about getting POA but I will look into it. Thank you all.
Got all the paper work but if mum has dementia how is she supposed to be able to fill them in and, make a 'sensible' decisions, with regard to POA. I am her sole carer (there are other siblings) who take no part in looking after mum, nevertheless my main interest is looking after her.
Your mum doesnt have to fill it in herself - someone else (you?) can fill it in for her.
So long as she understands what she is signing at the time it doesnt matter if she forgets 10 mins later. You will also need someone who knows her well (maybe a friend) who can witness her signature and then sign themself. if her capacity fluctuates - pick a good day.
So long as she understands what she is signing at the time it doesnt matter if she forgets 10 mins later. You will also need someone who knows her well (maybe a friend) who can witness her signature and then sign themself. if her capacity fluctuates - pick a good day.
