Feel like a prisoner
- Thread starter Casbow
- Start date
I referred to our missing friends, some of whom we'd known more then 40 years, as "The Ghosts". It was as if we'd been airbrushed out of their lives - but they all appeared at the funeral "to pay our respects".
I think that it was their way of making them feel better. I'd requested family flowers ony, but donations to The Alzheimer's Society, would be most welcome. I nailed a grateful smile on my face at the funeral, thanked them for coming, watched them scoff my food afterwards, pretended I didn't notice that they hadn't given a donation, and nodded sincerely when they all, one after another, took one of my hands in both of theirs as they left, saying ""we'll be in touch, you must come to see us".
Nineteen months later, I'm not the least bit surprised that I've heard b*gger all. Or as my Mum would say "cat, dog, kiss your ar*e - nothing". My Mum had a way with words.
Feeling very upset. I know i have to do something to get a break but I am so nervous. Who arranges this respite thing. Do I have to find a place and do it on my own. My niece works as a senior in a very nice (I'm told) care home. It has only been open 2 or 3 years and she says it has an excellent Dementia unit. I have the phone number and name of the person to speak to. The thing is it is going to be expensive (don't know how much yet). I am thinking if i can get a couple of days and nights to start with to see how it goes then if ok will be able to have a little break now and then. Do I just have to pay the bill on my own or will there be help. I think if i try this place and its good, in the long term I am taking on a lot of expense. But I want him to go to a good place. xx
Hello casbow, when my husband went into respite, our GP referred me to social services, they arranged everything for me, financial assessment, l did request a care home near to me, as his cousin was there. Within 2wks it was done, we are KCC funded, it depends on your savings how much you pay.
I have spoken to the Social worker and she says she will ring round to see if anyone does just a couple of days respite. She says that they (the care homes) prefer it to be a week to settle people in. I can see where shes coming from but wanted to try just a short break from him. Also to find out the cost because some local homes do local rate which is cheaper. Also she is going to arrange for someone to assess our finances again because there are different kinds of help when paying care fees. So I wait again. This time I will get back to her after a couple of days, ! waited 6 months for her to find out if there was a day centre that could take him once a week and she never got back to me. So now its to late for a day centre I think. He is awful this morning. Managed to get him to agree a walk with dog and by the time I had the dogs lead on he said he wasn't going. Talked him round and then there was more trouble when we got out. Ended up coming back home. I will have to give SW a chance won't I. Now I hope to get to the surgery to pick up medication and a shop if possible. Will have to pick my moment. (or should I say his moment.)xx
Please don't give the SW too long
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Whenever I spoke to a SW I used to ask how long before they could get back to me. When they did not ring at the appointed time, I would ring them.
The awful thing is only those that keep nagging get anything. I am sure you only just have enough strength to deal with the every day ,must be so hard for you.
Is there a local alzheimers society to help? Sometimes they have outreach workers who are very good.
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Whenever I spoke to a SW I used to ask how long before they could get back to me. When they did not ring at the appointed time, I would ring them.
The awful thing is only those that keep nagging get anything. I am sure you only just have enough strength to deal with the every day ,must be so hard for you.
Is there a local alzheimers society to help? Sometimes they have outreach workers who are very good.
Casbow, a week gives person time to settle in. Ask SW loads of questions. You need a break. Don't let yourself get to the point of total exhaustion please. I have been there. As long as carers struggle, we are left struggling. Yes keep phoning SW.
Lots of virtual support,
Aisling
I referred to our missing friends, some of whom we'd known more then 40 years, as "The Ghosts". It was as if we'd been airbrushed out of their lives - but they all appeared at the funeral "to pay our respects".
I think that it was their way of making them feel better. I'd requested family flowers ony, but donations to The Alzheimer's Society, would be most welcome. I nailed a grateful smile on my face at the funeral, thanked them for coming, watched them scoff my food afterwards, pretended I didn't notice that they hadn't given a donation, and nodded sincerely when they all, one after another, took one of my hands in both of theirs as they left, saying ""we'll be in touch, you must come to see us".
Nineteen months later, I'm not the least bit surprised that I've heard b*gger all. Or as my Mum would say "cat, dog, kiss your ar*e - nothing". My Mum had a way with words.
Fair dues Scarlett. We call them " fair weather friends" I have other names but can't post them.
Aisling xx
Hello Casebow, I totally agree with Pam you must have longer than 2 days, you definitely need the rest. Hope something can be sorted NOW. xx
Thank you all. Yes I have decided on a week. I will ring SW tomorrow to see if she has made some enquiries for me.!!xxx
Good luck with the phone call, keep at it. Sorry my computer spelt your name wrong. xx
Vascular Parkinson's and dementia
Hi all,
My wife has had dementia, mixed type, for around 3 years but looking back probably longer. She was diagnosed with vascular Parkinson's around 3 months ago, medication is not working, she is partially sighted and very deaf, can anyone one help me to devise a plan to break out of her depression. We have just started a cognitive therapy group, does it help.
Hi all,
My wife has had dementia, mixed type, for around 3 years but looking back probably longer. She was diagnosed with vascular Parkinson's around 3 months ago, medication is not working, she is partially sighted and very deaf, can anyone one help me to devise a plan to break out of her depression. We have just started a cognitive therapy group, does it help.
Hi and welcome to Talking Point.
You'll get lots of help and support from the other people on here, and I'm sure someone will be along soon who has had experience of a cognitive therapy group.Hi there Metalobob. My husband went to Cognitive therapy way back. Can't remember exactly how long ago. He went for one and half hours once a week. He really enjoyed it and always came out happy. Not sure that it did any good with his vascular dementia but it gave me a little break for the 6 week course. Try to accept anything that will give you a break. One reason for yourself and the other to give your wife something to do that doesn't rely on you. We are 9 years down the line with dementia and my husband doesn't want visitors in the house and doesn't want to go out very much. We are very housebound and life for me is totally boring. I am trying to get a weeks respite arranged to give me a break. Try to get your wife into a day centre if possible as soon as you can. It is good for both of you to have time apart. I wish I had got my husband into a day centre. Now its too late. Good luck to you.x
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Good decision Casbow. Hope you get help soon. You may have to keep asking and tell them you are exhausted from caring.
Aisling xx
