Kitchen renovation ... Causing extreme anxiety :(

[Irishgirl57]

So, my husband saved so that we could renovate our kitchen in our condominium that the basic structure was 40 years old. What woman wouldn't want a brand-new kitchen? This one!

First I need to say that I've had two surgeries in the last six months, 4 in the last 2 years. So I'm very weak and a lot of confusion from Anastasia, three hospital stays, and medication.

I used to love to decorate. I was good at it and I have an eye for it, I wait and look around for things that will come together and it would look nice. I like comfortable not having furniture that you can't sit on for people coming to visit! But having dementia and having to make decisions on cabinets, type of cabinets layout, stain cabinet inserts, granite, backsplash, cabinet pulls, glass fronts, appliances ..... I could go on and on and on but I think you get the idea ...

So I am recuperating I'm going out picking out all these things and resting. Today our two wonderful daughters came over to help us pack up the kitchen, that's when all the trouble started. I sat at the table and went through every single pot, pan, baking dish, utensils and silverwear. what to keep, what to give away, I want to throw away. Then I went through the pantry and They took all the food out. Same process. Check the dates what to keep and what to throw out and want to give away.

I was emotionally exhausted, anxious, and in pain. Picked a fight with one of my daughters. Which continued texting for a while after she left. I was crying And went into speak to my husband. He said Donna, I didn't redo this kitchen to make you sad, I am redoing this kitchen to make you happy. I truly appreciate that, I really do. But now all my stuff is moved so I am not in my safety place anymore. I don't know where anything is. And they haven't even begun the renovation.

They don't, nor should they understand why I have been crying all night. Why I am agitated, they don't walk in our shoes.... Sometimes I wish i didn't have family that I could hurt ... It's easier to just walk away

Pray for me ...

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Irishgirl

I`m sure you didn`t realise the effect this upheaval would have on you when you agreed to have the kitchen redone Donna. It`s a nightmare at the best of times.

I suppose , because it has been started, you will have to allow it to be finished.

If you trust your husband and your daughters perhaps you can step back and allow them to make decisions for you, to save you the emotional exhaustion it sounds as if you are experiencing.

 

[canary]

I remember what it was like when I had my kitchen re-done a few years ago. I found it a complete nightmare and I dont have dementia!
Is there any chance that you could go and stay with someone while the worst of the work is being done?

 

[LynneMcV]

Donna, so sorry you are going through such a stressful time as the result of something arranged with purely the best of intentions.

My heart goes out to you and the family, it truly does. It sounds like things are too progressed now to be able to call a halt to the work. If you can't stay elsewhere during the renovation perhaps there is a friend or family member who would have you at home with them for a few hours each day? Or may be you could make arrangements with friends or family to be able to get away from the house for suitable periods of time during the work, maybe doing something enjoyable like going out for a cuppa and chat, a bit of shopping, a walk - anything really, as long as it is enjoyable and gives you a break.

Thinking of you and may the work complete quickly so you can get things back to the way you like them as soon as possible xxx

 

[aprilbday]

Irishgirl

Change like that can be -stressful-stressful. You have the right to have felt that way, but it will be ok. Just think of how nicely you will be able to organize ! Everything will be clean and fresh and so beautiful. Think about that!!!

 

[Irishgirl57]

Irishgirl

Change like that can be -stressful-stressful. You have the right to have felt that way, but it will be ok. Just think of how nicely you will be able to organize ! Everything will be clean and fresh and so beautiful. Think about that!!!

My intellectual side knows that this is all going to be OK and be absolutely beautiful. My emotional/dementia sided is afraid of the whole thing. That is bringing out the worst of my disease. Nobody is after me, my family loves me people want to help me. But I am so stressed out by all of this .... This too shall pass, I know the end result, it's just getting there and not take hostages

 

[Irishgirl57]

Donna, so sorry you are going through such a stressful time as the result of something arranged with purely the best of intentions.

My heart goes out to you and the family, it truly does. It sounds like things are too progressed now to be able to call a halt to the work. If you can't stay elsewhere during the renovation perhaps there is a friend or family member who would have you at home with them for a few hours each day? Or may be you could make arrangements with friends or family to be able to get away from the house for suitable periods of time during the work, maybe doing something enjoyable like going out for a cuppa and chat, a bit of shopping, a walk - anything really, as long as it is enjoyable and gives you a break.

Thinking of you and may the work complete quickly so you can get things back to the way you like them as soon as possible xxx

Thank you so much, power of prayer, meditation and knowing my limits will go along way. Thank you for caring

 

[Irishgirl57]

Irishgirl

Change like that can be -stressful-stressful. You have the right to have felt that way, but it will be ok. Just think of how nicely you will be able to organize ! Everything will be clean and fresh and so beautiful. Think about that!!!

Oh I totally believe that, intellectually. But my emotional/dementia side has this being complete disaster. Very overwhelming. This too shall pass and all will be well

 

[Irishgirl57]

Donna, so sorry you are going through such a stressful time as the result of something arranged with purely the best of intentions.

My heart goes out to you and the family, it truly does. It sounds like things are too progressed now to be able to call a halt to the work. If you can't stay elsewhere during the renovation perhaps there is a friend or family member who would have you at home with them for a few hours each day? Or may be you could make arrangements with friends or family to be able to get away from the house for suitable periods of time during the work, maybe doing something enjoyable like going out for a cuppa and chat, a bit of shopping, a walk - anything really, as long as it is enjoyable and gives you a break.

Thinking of you and may the work complete quickly so you can get things back to the way you like them as soon as possible xxx

Thank you for caring enough to respond. I know it's going to be OK to be beautiful. Just getting there will be the interesting point.

 

[Sue J]

Donna, I am going through similar upheaval at the moment and the only way I can cope is to take one day at a time. The duration should be no more than 2 weeks which can be a lifetime in a dementia state so if you can just let your family carry you through each day as it comes. xx

 

[Irishgirl57]

I remember what it was like when I had my kitchen re-done a few years ago. I found it a complete nightmare and I dont have dementia!
Is there any chance that you could go and stay with someone while the worst of the work is being done?

It's funny you use the word nightmare, because that's what it feels like. I know my husband did this to make me happy. But not knowing where all my stuff is is creating anxiety. This too shall pass thank you for caring enough to respond

 

[Sue J]

Just a thought Donna, can you get just a few familiar things you like to use daily and keep them in a bowl/box so you know where they are - its horrible when you can't find things but it will be easier in the end - not that that helps you now though.

 

[Irishgirl57]

Just a thought Donna, can you get just a few familiar things you like to use daily and keep them in a bowl/box so you know where they are - its horrible when you can't find things but it will be easier in the end - not that that helps you now though.

Thank you for caring enough to respond. I love this website. We did put aside some food and every day things that I will use. Once they gut the kitchen in another week, we're going to have like a little food area set up with the coffee pot and microwave and convection toaster oven.

 

[Aisling]

It's funny you use the word nightmare, because that's what it feels like. I know my husband did this to make me happy. But not knowing where all my stuff is is creating anxiety. This too shall pass thank you for caring enough to respond

Just saw your post. Any work is a house is a nightmare to me. I used to try to go somewhere ( family, friend,etc) and hide. Wouldn't be possible now. Just a suggestion could you step back and let your lovely family find stuff, organise meals etc for you for a while? Try to hide away with whatever you like to do. TV, books, radio. Magazines. Etc. or just do as little as possibles. Do nothing if you can but I find doing nothing totally frustrating. It will be worth all the torment when it is all finished.

Aisling ( Ireland)

 

[Irishgirl57]

Just saw your post. Any work is a house is a nightmare to me. I used to try to go somewhere ( family, friend,etc) and hide. Wouldn't be possible now. Just a suggestion could you step back and let your lovely family find stuff, organise meals etc for you for a while? Try to hide away with whatever you like to do. TV, books, radio. Magazines. Etc. or just do as little as possibles. Do nothing if you can but I find doing nothing totally frustrating. It will be worth all the torment when it is all finished.

Aisling ( Ireland)

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I feel cared for .... I have a few other things that I'd have to pick out, finish picking out the appliances most are done. Picking up the backsplash tile. It's a lot of backsplash so I really need my hand in that. But I think we, the family have decided that just one thing a day and not running from store to store every day. And I love your suggestions, I wish I could read I lost that ability with the dementia, but I'm hooked on streaming TV shows LOL thanks again my friend

 

[canary]

Thank you for caring enough to respond. I love this website. We did put aside some food and every day things that I will use. Once they gut the kitchen in another week, we're going to have like a little food area set up with the coffee pot and microwave and convection toaster oven.

Thats exactly what I did while my kitchen was being done
It seemed to work quite well and my new kitchen is lovely. I kept several things like the oven, fridge and sink in the same place and put my stuff back in similar positions when it was done, so everything felt familiar afterwards.