Meds for the carer!

[Marnie63]

Does anyone take any medications themselves to help cope with their caring responsibilities? I'm clutching at straws sometimes to stay 'in control' and not go into meltdown. Had a really bad one last night - nearly called for an ambulance as had chest pains, but they went away, think it was just anxiety. Mum had been 'at me' all day and I just couldn't take it any more. I know the problem is her illness but if only I could deal and cope with it better .... just a bit longer before I have to face the thought of a care home.

Just wondered if anyone takes any herbal remedy type things to help with the stress and anxiety and can recommend anything. Am seeing my doc soon so am also going to ask if there's something 'mild' I can take to keep me calm and stop the meltdowns (which just make mum worse of course).

I used to take the odd Co-codamol of mum's (!) when I had really bad headaches and that used to give me a 'lift', but we've run out now and not sure I should confess that to the doc!

 

[marionq]

The odd paracetamol or ibuprofen but nothing stronger. I fear if I started I wouldnt stop.
I do however have days when I have pains in my arms, my chest, my head and would diagnose an imminent heart attack if I were a case on paper but it goes away, I calm down, and live to fight another day.

I don't joke in order to minimise how you feel. I really do know what you mean and if you think you need medical help then go for it. It's not for me yet but who knows?

 

[father ted]

Marnie, I think the answer lies in seeing your GP asap. You are coping best you can but what you need first and foremost is a break from your responsibilities. See if he can arrange some respite for your Mum so you have some breathing space. Your mental health is suffering because of your circumstances and medication won't make those go away. Sending you a big hug.x

 

[Beate]

You might want to think about counselling. Ask your GP to refer you. I find it helpful.
I don't know your personal situation, but try to get some "me" time. Connect with other carers, get some respite. Keep the pill option for another time.

 

[HillyBilly]

Have you tried things like Bach Rescue Remedy and/or calming aromatherapy oils? Anything "safe" is worth a try!

 

[CollegeGirl]

Does anyone take any medications themselves to help cope with their caring responsibilities? I'm clutching at straws sometimes to stay 'in control' and not go into meltdown. Had a really bad one last night - nearly called for an ambulance as had chest pains, but they went away, think it was just anxiety. Mum had been 'at me' all day and I just couldn't take it any more. I know the problem is her illness but if only I could deal and cope with it better .... just a bit longer before I have to face the thought of a care home.

Just wondered if anyone takes any herbal remedy type things to help with the stress and anxiety and can recommend anything. Am seeing my doc soon so am also going to ask if there's something 'mild' I can take to keep me calm and stop the meltdowns (which just make mum worse of course).

I used to take the odd Co-codamol of mum's (!) when I had really bad headaches and that used to give me a 'lift', but we've run out now and not sure I should confess that to the doc!

Oh yes; even though I'm not a primary carer, a few years ago my anxiety levels were through the roof (we had other problems as well as mam's Alzheimer's and I just wasn't coping.) I tried talk therapy, hypnotherapy, counselling, and various things like Kalms (gave me diarrhoea) but eventually had to be put on beta blockers to calm me down, and then went onto anti-depressants, which I took for just over two years, I think.

The beta blockers worked almost instantly and all the truly horrible physical symptoms of my anxiety vanished. The anti-depressants started to work on my mood after five days and I wished I hadn't held out for so long. It did take me a while to get off them, once I decided I wanted to, but they were so worth it for me. It's quite true that they didn't make any of the problems go away, of course, but because I was no longer having to deal with nasty physical effects of my anxiety, and because my depression started to lift, I was able to cope with the problems much more easily.

Be careful of herbal, over the counter stuff - just because it's 'natural' doesn't mean it won't have any side effects. My husband started a few days ago to take a herbal remedy for stress but has had to stop taking it because it made him feel 'spaced out' and gave him headaches. They might be worth a try, but just be cautious until you know whether they'll suit you.

Good luck.

 

[Aisling]

Does anyone take any medications themselves to help cope with their caring responsibilities? I'm clutching at straws sometimes to stay 'in control' and not go into meltdown. Had a really bad one last night - nearly called for an ambulance as had chest pains, but they went away, think it was just anxiety. Mum had been 'at me' all day and I just couldn't take it any more. I know the problem is her illness but if only I could deal and cope with it better .... just a bit longer before I have to face the thought of a care home.

Just wondered if anyone takes any herbal remedy type things to help with the stress and anxiety and can recommend anything. Am seeing my doc soon so am also going to ask if there's something 'mild' I can take to keep me calm and stop the meltdowns (which just make mum worse of course).

I used to take the odd Co-codamol of mum's (!) when I had really bad headaches and that used to give me a 'lift', but we've run out now and not sure I should confess that to the doc!

Please go to your doctor asap and tell your story. You urgently need a break. I wouldn't recommend anything especially " natural cures " as I can't understand what is in them. I once looked at natural sleep solutions and was horrified at the ingredients. It is time for health departments to realise the strain they are putting carers under and the health risks they are experiencing. Do we all have to experience breakdowns before something is done? What are recognised associations doing to highlight the urgent need for health care? What is happening to donations? This lack of care and support would not happen to other groups of people.

Please go to your doctor.

Loads of support,

Aisling xx

 

[canary]

I will hold up my hand and say that Im on antidepressants too. They help tremendously.

 

[Kevinl]

Bacardi and coke, but it isn't the solution.
K

 

[Linbrusco]

I care for Mum 75 with moderate AD & for Dad 78 with MCI caring for Mum.
Things have taken a dive since Christmas, and I have been to the doctors with various rashes, acne, heart palpitations, and in March shingles.
Things are coming to the crunch and I feel Mum will be in full time care soon.
We are trying to get her into Respite, but my sister won't accept my word, so I am trying to get Dad to visit the family GP dor basically "Drs orders" to have respite from Mum.
He is getting very short tempered with her, and it adds to Mums anxiety and agitation. She won't eat, and shes now losing weight.

I am on Lorazepam for anxiety & sleeping, but because of my job I only take the odd one during the week for a good nights sleep.
I could easily turn to drink, but have to be sober at all times lest I have to take one of them to hospital.
I refuse to take anti depressants to help me cope with my parents.
Its not that I am against anti depressants, it's just me... at the moment. May come a time though.

 

[notsogooddtr]

I took anti depressants for about 2 years,I truly believe they saved me from a total breakdown.There is still a stigma about mental illness and medication is often viewed with suspicion.For me it didn't change what was happening but it helped me to cope

 

[Ambervp]

Setraline

My first post.

I am on low dosage of setraline which is based on natural feel good factor hormone called serotonin without which I don't think I could care for my mum. Most carers I know are on some form of anti depressants. My friend recommended I go and see the doctor and after 3 weeks of refusing to take any I realised I needed the tabs as no resources left to fight my state of mind. I am glad I gave in.


Recently started mindfulness and that is helping significantly. I have empathy for my mum, I am calmer and when things get out of hand I walk away and practise mindfulness to calm me down.

It would be useful to find out if there are any classes for both the carer and those suffering from dementia.

 

[Marnie63]

Thanks all. I particularly like the advice about alcohol (!) - though mine would be a G&T!

I'm a sensible, organised, balanced person, but I have never experienced anything like this before in my life. Well, my time has come and I'm just looking for ways of coping. I think I will ask my GP. I did go to him once before when mum was much worse (I believe she had a 'layer' of Delirium on top of the Dementia) - I was having horrendous headaches and chest pains then - but he told me that it was severe anxiety and that there was nothing else wrong with me - I had to 'cover' the situation with mum and ease my stress. I totally agree with all of that and, believe me, I'm not one to take meds lightly. I really don't believe in taking any form of tablet unless you really have to. But that's just it - I think I really have to! The GP knows the situation with mum fairly well and knows me, so hopefully if I now say I really do 'want' something to help me, hopefully he will be able to recommend something 'light'. But I won't take it if it risks my future health (though of course this current stress is risking my future health!).

It's tragic that we all have to carry on like this - there is no other disease in the world where you'd just be left to get on with it, at the risk of your own health. It's all so very wrong, and very sad.

PS - I do get breaks - I have a carer in three times a week - 10 hours in total, and I did manage to get a week away in April, and have another one booked in October (live in carers). Without those breaks I don't think I'd have any level of health left any more! I'm also going on a course - 'Understanding Dementia' - run by our local health authority. So, I suppose there is help out there, but I suspect understanding dementia isn't really going to solve all my problems (and possibly I could probably tell them a thing or two about it!).

 

[Marmotta838]

Yes.... but be careful with them

Hi Marnie,

SSRI's (such as Citalopram) better than benzodiazapines (such as Valium and Murelax) as you can get addicted to them quite easily - they are very effective, however, if you can disclipline yourself to not taking them every day. Twice a week is really enough - once you get up to three or four times a week you're starting to get dependent. Codeine can be calming - again, if used very sensibly so you don't get addicted. An SSRI (providing you find it suits you after a three-week trial) can be good at leveling out the moods. Good to avoid alcohol as it's a depressant... and can get you in trouble. Avoid caffeine - hypes you up too much. Sleep very important so use Melatonin if you can get it and have troubles. Zolpidem only good very occasionally (again, very addictive). I'm an expert, believe me

 

[jorgieporgie]

I hold my hand up to Marnie and ended up taking anti depressents. I could not cope otherwise and it dose the trick with me. Anxiety was a big issue with panic attacks and chest pains. It is the reality that we have to cope with this nightmare day in and day out. Some people turn to drink to ease the stress, I don't think I would be able to suffer to bad with hangovers. See your GP you do not have to be on meds for long and there is no shame in admitting we need a little help. Good luck x

 

[eve67]

Does anyone take any medications themselves to help cope with their caring responsibilities? I'm clutching at straws sometimes to stay 'in control' and not go into meltdown. Had a really bad one last night - nearly called for an ambulance as had chest pains, but they went away, think it was just anxiety. Mum had been 'at me' all day and I just couldn't take it any more. I know the problem is her illness but if only I could deal and cope with it better .... just a bit longer before I have to face the thought of a care home.

Just wondered if anyone takes any herbal remedy type things to help with the stress and anxiety and can recommend anything. Am seeing my doc soon so am also going to ask if there's something 'mild' I can take to keep me calm and stop the meltdowns (which just make mum worse of course).

I used to take the odd Co-codamol of mum's (!) when I had really bad headaches and that used to give me a 'lift', but we've run out now and not sure I should confess that to the doc!

Hi
am thinking of going down the route of having a neck and shoulders massage or maybe reflexology to help with the anxiety though it could be a bit costly, more so than pills but maybe worth it. Living with alzheimers is hellish. Hope you find something that works
Eve

 

[Marnie63]

It was Nytol I had in the cupboard, not Kalms, and I'm (miraculously) sleeping OK (now that mum is too, thank God), so don't need those. Found some Kalms in the Chemist today and took one (says two, but I only took one!) after dinner. Says to take three times a day, after meals. I now have a bad headache, feel slightly icky and have bad diarrhoea!! It could all be coincidence, of course, so will try again tomorrow. Am nervous about taking anything like that as it's just me and mum here so if something happens to me, she would have no idea anything was wrong (or would she, I wonder?).

I'm really surprised so many of you are taking meds yourselves to cope - I half expected lots of people to say it was ridiculous to even consider such a thing! Makes me feel a bit better about considering it myself. Doc's appointment is next week, so will speak to him about it too.

Thank you all for the very helpful, and supportive, replies.

 

[Marnie63]

Eve - yes, I have been thinking about massages too, but am mindful of my £62.10 a week income and pampering is not cheap!!

 

[Marnie63]

Kalms trial

I've started on the Kalms again this morning. Still only taking one instead of the two (probably a bit daft, but ...!). I don't feel nauseous this time, or have a headache, so it must have just been a coincidence. I will up to the correct dose of 2 tabs a time if I feel OK over the next few days. I am seeing my GP on Friday so will ask his advice on them, and also see if he recommends anything else. I really, really feel it's so wrong to be medicating myself to deal with this situation, but I've decided to give it a try. To me, it's still better than putting her in a home. To be honest, I've run out of energy and headspace to even go looking at them. I'm so exhausted!

I had a full day out on Sunday with some friends - first one in eight months! (apart from a week away recently). It was great, but then, unfortunately, it just highlights the contrast of doing something like that and then the situation at home! The carer who came yesterday suggested that if I didn't want to try mum in day care again (which I don't, causes me too much 'fall out' afterwards) then they could take her out for a few hours. That's something I really crave - some 'freedom' in my own home. I might take them up on that (if they can get her to go!).

This disease is extremely hard to live with.

 

[CollegeGirl]

Oh Marnie, it's not ridiculous if you need meds to help you. If you had any number of other conditions and needed meds, you'd just take them, wouldn't you? I really believe that mental strain/exhaustion or whatever we want to call it is exactly the same. It's detrimental to our health in the long term.

Lots of people find other solutions, it's true, and if they work, that's wonderful. But if they don't, then there's absolutely no shame in asking for something else.

I hope the Kalms work for you! They didn't work for me, but that's not to say they don't work for others, so I hope you are one of the lucky ones!

Keep posting, and let us know how you get on .