My first port of call was the CQC websites which are an absolute must for anyone looking for a care or nursing home. Then I made general enquiries amongst all my friends, particularly those who had had first hand experience of homes. After this, I went visiting - some unannounced, some by appointments. I saw everything from "the Dorchester" to "one flew over the cuckoo's nest". I actually sat outside and cried after visiting one home.
I chose a home based on my observations of the 'care' not whether they had an aromatherapy suite, or whether the visiting hairdresser was Vidal Sasoon trained!. I knew enough to know that most homes have a certain odour and that money spent on essentials is better than money spent on state-of-the-art wallpaper. Do the staff bother to ask a resident if they need a cardigan when it's a cool day, or would they be able to distract a difficult sundowning resident who has become agitated. Do the carers recognise that the residents require dignity, respect and love. or is it just a job. Is the care home manager approachable, are the staff trained or are they just cheap labour? Are the beds clean, does it look like home, rather than 'a home'. Are they flexible in their attitude or is it run like a prison camp? Can you visit when it's convenient for you not the home? What does the food look and taste like, are the residents provided with stimulation or left to their own devices because it's easier that way? Is their privacy respected but as their condition progresses are their changing needs discussed with you.
I threw a number of glossy brochures in the bin. I googled everything in order to find out whether the home had EVER been given a disappointing or negative review from anyone.
I chose the very best I could based on my instincts, not on a grand piano in the hall or a lady showing me around who resembled a Virgin Airline trolley dolly. My choice was fortunately reinforced by a trusted recommendation. "It's not perfect' she said. At the time, I thought "but it must be perfect, this is my mum we are talking about". I have learned that unless you yourself are willing to shadow your loved one 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for 52 weeks in a year - the care is always going to be less than absolutely perfect BUT your choice has to be made on the evidence of what you see, hear and feel. I am happy with my choice but if I wasn't, mum would be moved in a jiffy.
There is no excuse for abuse, cruelty or a disrespectful attitude. Ever.
