So tomorrow will be the first anniversary of losing mum. I would like to say I have moved on and outwardly I probably seem to have done but I still feel dead inside. I now remember mum as she was before AZ got her and how intertwined she was in my life. When I moved into my flat I wanted to invite her round and talk about how to arrange the furniture and share a cuppa making plans. When I started my new job I wanted to hear her wish me luck and then tell her all about the people I had met and how I was getting on. Even when I go shopping I have to stop myself buying something to share with mum.
Mothers Day this year was so hard because although the anniversary is tomorrow in relation to Mothers Day it was the Thursday before so my sudden attack of grief started early. Most public holidays had become insignificant when I was caring for mum because she didn't understand or care about her birthday, Christmas, Mothers Day and the rest. Funnily enough she did used to stress about other people's birthdays and every year got really upset that she hadn't got me a card even though she couldn't go out and I would of had to buy it for myself if she did. I did one year but she wasn't fooled.
I think losing mum has been the hardest thing I have come across in life. My dad died when I was nineteen so mum and I have been very close since then and, even though I have had my fair share of highs and lows having mum there made them happier or bearable. Coping with losing mum without mum being here just seems so strange!
Anyway I just wanted to honour my wonderful mum who fought hard to keep her memory and live life as full as she could. God Bless You Lena I couldn't have asked for a better friend and mother than you and I hope that our time together after dad passed helped the thirty years without him more bearable. I remember your laugh and smile more than anything and I will try to be as much like you as I can as I get older. Miss you even more than I imagined. Sleep in peace.
Mothers Day this year was so hard because although the anniversary is tomorrow in relation to Mothers Day it was the Thursday before so my sudden attack of grief started early. Most public holidays had become insignificant when I was caring for mum because she didn't understand or care about her birthday, Christmas, Mothers Day and the rest. Funnily enough she did used to stress about other people's birthdays and every year got really upset that she hadn't got me a card even though she couldn't go out and I would of had to buy it for myself if she did. I did one year but she wasn't fooled.
I think losing mum has been the hardest thing I have come across in life. My dad died when I was nineteen so mum and I have been very close since then and, even though I have had my fair share of highs and lows having mum there made them happier or bearable. Coping with losing mum without mum being here just seems so strange!
Anyway I just wanted to honour my wonderful mum who fought hard to keep her memory and live life as full as she could. God Bless You Lena I couldn't have asked for a better friend and mother than you and I hope that our time together after dad passed helped the thirty years without him more bearable. I remember your laugh and smile more than anything and I will try to be as much like you as I can as I get older. Miss you even more than I imagined. Sleep in peace.
