challenges of early stages of dementia

[Olivia15]

Hi guys,

I was just wondering what you've found to be the biggest challenges in the early stages? My mum was diagnosed about five years ago now and I remember really struggling trying to get her to accept what was going on and also on a practical level getting her to accept any help.. I think this is normal but just wondering what other people have experienced?

 

[canary]

I think all the stages of dementia are challenging. You just about get used to one stage and work out how to deal with it when you are on to the next stage....
Some bits then become easier and other bits become harder. TBH, Im not sure that any of it is easy.
Sorry

 

[Lawson58]

I think that for me, the paranoia is the worst part of OH's AD. It was there pre diagnosis and was one of the things that encouraged me to seek sone answers. It tends to be worse at some times than others and I never know when to expect an outburst.

It is easy enough to say that it is the dementia talking and that I agree with. I also never take it personally even though according to him, I am a thief, go behind his back, deliberately deceive him over trivial things etc etc etc.

He never shows this attitude in front of other people and I know I am the target and that too I understand is all part of his disease.

AD and the accompanying paranoia destroyed our relationship and I have to wonder if the things he says are a true reflection of how he sees me. It makes me feel sad that this how our lives are going to be for however long it takes.

 

[Olivia15]

Thanks for replying canary and Lawson.

I completely agree about the paranoia - my mum used to think I was hiding in the attic and stealing her pills while I was at university on the other side of the country.

I wonder if there are any things that can be done or used to help paranoia?

 

[Gooby]

don't know whether this is early or late stage but I do know I cannot cope much longer with the outbursts and accusations . My 91 year old husband hides things he thinks are important and then forgets where he left them and I get the blame. Shouting he
burst into my bedroom = as this morning when I was awoken because I had made a mess behind the TV in the sitting room.

I have lost all affection for this man. Sad but true. I found recently he had cancelled a life insurance policy with AVIVA - on his own life. All money paid in past lost since there is no payout if the policy is not in force.

I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and have had the operation and lymph

removal and now on cancer drugs. A nodule on a lung which is being monitored.

GP instigating tests but I feel trapped here. Ive spent the morning in bed to keep out of his way

 

[Shedrech]

My goodness Gooby what a time you are having
so glad you found this forum as there are lots of folks here to share your concerns and offer support
I am in awe of you caring for your husband after such an operation - I was there 10 years ago, but was young and only had to worry about myself - not surprising that your emotions are so low
I'm surprised you weren't offered a care package when you were discharged - or was it a few weeks ago

please do immediately contact your Local Authority Adult Services and ask for an urgent assessment of your husband's needs and for a Carer's Assessment for yourself - please tell them everything you have put here, I appreciate you may want to hold back for your privacy but they need to know that you both need help NOW - use these phrases: we are 'vulnerable adults' and 'at risk' and the LA has a 'duty of care'
you should be able to have home care visits - please do accept these, I know it's an intrusion into your home but it will take the physical day to day care off your shoulders - also ask for placements at a day care for your husband (even if he is reluctant to go) and also tell them that a respite stay is needed for you to recuperate after your operation (again, your husband may not be keen, but this is for you to have a break)
sadly, you may have to pay if your finances are above a certain level - but you may not!

could you have a mail box put up put up outside your house, in a place not easily seen from inside, so that all your post goes into it and only you have a key - then you can take out any important items and only post through the letter box stuff your husband can hide without you worrying about it

as for the life assurance - do contact them and ask to speak to a manager or write a letter - explain that your husband has dementia and did not understand what he was doing, he certainly did not understand the implications of stopping payments and would never have done this before his diagnosis (which is proved by the continuous payments) - tell them you are distraught as this policy was giving you peace of mind in your situation (again, let them know how difficult things are) - it is worth a try - and if they don't respond as you hope, go to Citizens Advice for help

I'm glad your GP is involved - please do have a chat with them and lay on the line just how you feel so that they know you need more support - it would be useful for them to make a referral to your Adult Services too

sorry to seem bossy, but you sound so down

very best wishes

 

[Gooby]

very difficult

Hi guys,

I was just wondering what you've found to be the biggest challenges in the early stages? My mum was diagnosed about five years ago now and I remember really struggling trying to get her to accept what was going on and also on a practical level getting her to accept any help.. I think this is normal but just wondering what other people have experienced?

Refuses to accept he has dementia - says I am mad and just wont admit to taking
the items that go missing - items he has hidden but forgotten where1

Gooby

 

[Beate]

And why should he accept a diagnosis he believes to be wrong? It's not stubbornness, it's a trait of dementia to think they are ok. I think you could really benefit from the compassionate communication article:
http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired
Remember, he can't change but your response can.

 

[Essie]

don't know whether this is early or late stage but I do know I cannot cope much longer with the outbursts and accusations . My 91 year old husband hides things he thinks are important and then forgets where he left them and I get the blame. Shouting he
burst into my bedroom = as this morning when I was awoken because I had made a mess behind the TV in the sitting room.

I have lost all affection for this man. Sad but true. I found recently he had cancelled a life insurance policy with AVIVA - on his own life. All money paid in past lost since there is no payout if the policy is not in force.

I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and have had the operation and lymph

removal and now on cancer drugs. A nodule on a lung which is being monitored.

GP instigating tests but I feel trapped here. I've spent the morning in bed to keep out of his way

Oh Gooby I do feel for you hugely, what a lot you are having to deal with. I would second everything Shedrech has said - even down to contacting the life insurers and explaining what happened, what have you got to lose?

Please don't feel you have to carry on on your own with your husband as he is, there are a number of other options to give him the care he needs but you need to spell it out to all concerned, GP/CPN/SS etc. that you need help and you need it now.

Do keep posting on TP - you can start your own thread each time you have a query or just want to let off a bit of steam hopefully getting support from us on here will help just a little bit. I hope so.