A friend whose husband passed away last week after a very long illness commented that I had lost my partner even though he was still here in person. I have to agree with her I know longer have the person I looked at to give guidance in family situations, I no longer get the firm embrace which makes you feel safe I no longer have the financial security we enjoyed but mostly I no longer have some one to argue and discuss things with.
In November things went down hill quite rapidly and for 2 months we were in complete turmoil trying to get the medication right. Since then we have had 2 seizures, sir running away being abusive and agressive. We are now down to minimum medication for depression and and sedation (stop the aggression) and sir is now a shell of his former self, he no longer smiles does not know what to do in the toilet, having accidents, I follow him to the toilet now and direct and if need be put him on the toilet even though he refuses to sit whilst he knows he has the urge to go. Today for the first time I cleaned his bum not a problem for me rather do that than he does in pants and then go through that process. He is refusing medication again spent an hour coaxing him to have it don't want to go down the road of hiding meds again so will try the normal way for a while even though it is time consuming. He was offered day care but I cannot get him to get in car he is so paranoid I am taking him to care centre (his dad was in one and he is convinced we are going to put him in one). Nights are spent getting him into bed then an hour later when he is ready taking him to toilet waiting till he decides to do something then spending another hour listening to him being abusive and not getting into bed, when eventually does get in he sleeps like a baby till morning. Then the whole thing starts again trying to get him on toilet before he has an accident brushing teeth, shave if lucky and then he won't change won't have meds or breakfast. Manage to do all of it eventually. He does not want to go anywhere, drinking very little even though I try everything.
I am lucky than most as the boys are here to talk to and my sister takes my little one out so he has a normal life, but I want to take him to the pictures I want to go to his friends little parties, I want to take him to football on Sunday and watch him win or lose in the cold I want to take him swimming and pizza hut, butt cannot do all these things with him anymore and I am now feeling very resentful. I don't want to spend my future waiting for other half to get worse and in the meantime my little boy grows up without me being there for anything that happens out of the house, we have movie night at home we watch football on telly and I try and play games with him but he knows my mind is always on what dad is doing. Feeling sorry for myself, yes.....
The worse thing is its not as bad as it sounds especially when I read other threads..........
In November things went down hill quite rapidly and for 2 months we were in complete turmoil trying to get the medication right. Since then we have had 2 seizures, sir running away being abusive and agressive. We are now down to minimum medication for depression and and sedation (stop the aggression) and sir is now a shell of his former self, he no longer smiles does not know what to do in the toilet, having accidents, I follow him to the toilet now and direct and if need be put him on the toilet even though he refuses to sit whilst he knows he has the urge to go. Today for the first time I cleaned his bum not a problem for me rather do that than he does in pants and then go through that process. He is refusing medication again spent an hour coaxing him to have it don't want to go down the road of hiding meds again so will try the normal way for a while even though it is time consuming. He was offered day care but I cannot get him to get in car he is so paranoid I am taking him to care centre (his dad was in one and he is convinced we are going to put him in one). Nights are spent getting him into bed then an hour later when he is ready taking him to toilet waiting till he decides to do something then spending another hour listening to him being abusive and not getting into bed, when eventually does get in he sleeps like a baby till morning. Then the whole thing starts again trying to get him on toilet before he has an accident brushing teeth, shave if lucky and then he won't change won't have meds or breakfast. Manage to do all of it eventually. He does not want to go anywhere, drinking very little even though I try everything.
I am lucky than most as the boys are here to talk to and my sister takes my little one out so he has a normal life, but I want to take him to the pictures I want to go to his friends little parties, I want to take him to football on Sunday and watch him win or lose in the cold I want to take him swimming and pizza hut, butt cannot do all these things with him anymore and I am now feeling very resentful. I don't want to spend my future waiting for other half to get worse and in the meantime my little boy grows up without me being there for anything that happens out of the house, we have movie night at home we watch football on telly and I try and play games with him but he knows my mind is always on what dad is doing. Feeling sorry for myself, yes.....
The worse thing is its not as bad as it sounds especially when I read other threads..........
