My Dad was told by the consultant at the memory clinic that he probably had Alzheimer's disease,Dad's reaction was what made me realise it was really true.There wasn't one.The implications of the diagnosis just didn't mean anything to him although it was the thing he had always dreaded.
How to tell them they may have dementia
- Thread starter Caseys
- Start date
As I am the only carer for my father (mom passed away 8 yrs ago ). I knew he had dementia before I even took him to the dr. My father has always been a hard working man that took pride in everything thing he did.
My point of view is I'm not hiding anything from him. I more so feel like a parent protecting him from unnecessary pain. What good would it do for me to tell him? Emasculate him even further than he already feels. I know it kills him to have his daughter do everything for him. From cutting his nails to bringing him all his meals. He knows his memory is "slipping ).
Can I just say majority of us diagnosed with dementia have had other close family members who had dementia I'm the fifth member of my family having had a dad mum, mums sister and brother all lived until in their nineties I also have cousins male and female who have in my opinion have dementia but don't want to accept it , to those people who have a relation with dementia surly will know in an instant or within a few week relize they n now have this illness we have to much information today not to relize that sorry if this difficult to read I was diagnose in 1999 with Alzheimer's so we can live with the illness if diagnosed early enough I would add I continued in employment for eight years after diagnoses retiring at age 65
Last edited:
Hi Tony, it is lovely to be able to read your comments as you have insight into your condition. Unfortunately many (most?) people with dementia do not have insight, or only limited insight that tends to disappear as their dementia progresses.
Although there are no other members of her family with dementia Mum had a good friend whose husband had dementia and she saw the problems for herself. Yet she has never been able to see that she was having the same problems herself.
Although there are no other members of her family with dementia Mum had a good friend whose husband had dementia and she saw the problems for herself. Yet she has never been able to see that she was having the same problems herself.
I think it is significant that you had some idea that you might get the illness, Tony. To many people it is unthinkable. My MIL believed that healthy living was the answer to staying healthy and anything else the doctor would cure. She qualified as a nurse just after the NHS was established and had an unshakeable belief that there was a cure or treatment for everything.
When her dementia became more than just memory problems, she said old age catches up with everyone, but still suffered so much emotionally from the hidden shame of knowing her judgment and behaviour was no longer normal. To her generation dementia means 'madness' which is shameful and terrifying because mad people get locked up in institutions. She clung to the belief that as long as she had her close family around her she would be safe from 'them'.
On a couple of occasions a medical professional used the 'D' word, and she just started talking loudly about something else, to pretend that they had said it by mistake and actually she was there to talk about another medical problem. Eventually the word washed over her head because she no longer knew what it meant.
I hope that this fear and shame will no longer torment PWD in the 21st century. Tony, you and others who post on TP are an inspiration. You are a fine example of someone who lives a full life 'with dementia'. However, I feel that your insight and coping skills are not typical of most people's experience. It isn't just down to attitude. The damage to the brain in most PWD seems to prevent them having your level of self-awareness. In some ways this can be a blessing. My mum in the early years begged me to tell her she was getting better because she said she could not bear to live if she thought she was getting worse. What was I supposed to say to her? Certainly not the truth.
Last edited:
I remember clearly when dad was I'll the specialist said tell him if he asks. He never asked. So we never told.
This is exactly what I do. At the time of diagnosis I explained it in simple terms using the word dementia but don't think she took it in or understood. Even tho she wrote down "I have mixed form dementia ". There's no point in telling her as others have said. It doesn't really have meaning for some people and can be upsetting for others. Do whatever your instincts tell you.
