I Know Just how you feel
I lost my mum on 8th January this year, the day after her 78th birthday. Strangely enough, I have still visited this site regularly and was so pleased I had when I read your posting today. My Mum had AD for 5 years, but didn't get too bad until latterly because she had been on aricet. Things changed when she had a series of falls at home late november last year, and to cut a long story short, read my previous postings for more information if you like, after a two week stay in hospital, slowly suddenly declining, it was decided that she would go into a local care home. I didn't want her to go home, she was being cared for by my dad, although he wouldn't admit it, again see previous postings, such a long story, he wasn't coping, hence the multitude of falls and serious head injuries. Mum hated it in the home, so many of them were worse than her and she couldn't understand why she was there, obviously suffering from Ad, whatever we told her, was soon forgotten. Her mobility got worse and worse, her speech became rambly and we felt awful that she was there, but there was no way she could come home, let alone out for the day as she virtually had a panic attack when we tried to get ehr to walk, she didn't want to eat or drink either. Dad and I visited her every day, that was so hard to see her in there and then leave her again, Xmas day was awful, although my dad had had a nice afternoon with her at the home xmas party earlier and she enjoyed a singalong. Anyway, new years eve, the staff could not get her out of bed, they called our GP and he sent her into hospital again, where once again, to be brief, she was dehydrated, they put her on oxygen and anti biotics but by the Sunday, she had deteriorated, they called us up there and she was in bed, rigged up to all sorts of things, so out of the blue, they said she had suffered a bloody clot in her leg which had travelled to her lung. She survived for 4 days after that, didn't know who we were or that we were there. It as such a relief when she went, we felt that nature had stepped in before the AD had progressed too muchand she got as bad as she would have done, would have been terrible for all of us. I can imagine the emotions you are going through. I have so many too, even now 5 weeks later. I cannot believe that she has gone, I am an only child and we were always close, although obiously things had changed with the onset of AD, she was not the mum she used to be. Nonetheless, I cannot quite grasp that she has gone and go from feeling relieved to angry that a woman who was always physically and mentally active, a keen member of amateur dramatic groups, always worked in accounts, can get this rotten disease in the first place. She never knew she had it and was only really the last few months that things became hard for her, hospital and care home, becuase she wasn't in familiar surroundings. Anyway, I have gone on too long. I am here if you want to talk again. I just try adn think of the good times not the recent bad times. Have you read the poem a few days ago, such a lovely line about God keeping the memories for when she arrives and giving them back to her. Hope to hear from you again Jan. My thoughts are with you
