Help I'm struggling

[2197alexandra]

Its three days till Christmas and I can't leave the house. I've got 4 children and very little in the way of presents. Since dad's funeral on Wednesday I've just cleaned all day everyday. I don't have to speak when I'm cleaning it's a coping thing.

The thought of standing in shops with hundreds of people is making me panic. I'm struggling I've never been like this. I don't know how I feel. I feel lost. I've tried so many times to come and up date your all how things are going but even that's hard cause I don't know how there going.
Dad only died two weeks ago and I feel like everything is supposed to be back to normal now. But how can it I've not even cried properly. When does that happen when does it all come out.

I thought taking dad's flowers to mums grave would help but I just stood there feeling empty.

I have nine for Christmas dinner and no food.

The landlord still wants his inspection I'm just ignoring them now till new year.

Every day a new brown envelope turns up with more information required for dad's personal affairs.

I'm fighting for breath now just writing all this stuff.

Oh god what am I gonna do.

 

[nellbelles]

Hi, you are not alone in how you are feeling, I'm walking in the fog as well.

Can you delegate some of the food shopping and food preparation, maybe if you can break the main issues into smaller manageable pieces it wont look so bad.

I know it's probably to late for a home delivery but what about click and collect? Asda do it for both food and clothes ect.

Don't know if any of this will help.

Have you read this from the local paper?

http://www.family-announcements.co.uk/leicester/editorial/096ee470-a4cc-45d2-800b-0d2ac2879ad5

Thinking of you xx

 

[Kevinl]

Ask someone for some help. I think that on the death of your father anyone who had been invited to your house for xmas should have either volunteered to help you out or asked if you wanted to cancel, it's too much to take on so soon after a loss like that.
Could someone look after the kids while you do some midnight shopping, all the supermarkets will be open and fairly quiet at that time and while you're in there get yourself a bottle of brandy.
Best wishes
K

 

[Tin]

I take it the 9 are a mixture of children and family/friends, you need to delegate, ask the adults to buy and cook and bring on the day. Keep it simple if that means a non traditional meal. Maybe get the other adults to buy and bring on the day and help you prepare everything a glass of wine in hand that can be fun. If you have bought all the children their presents, don't worry about anyone else, under the circumstances I think they will understand!! If too late to click and shop and you feel you have to do a supermarket shop, do it early, in fact be in the car park before the store opens, less crowded and shelves fully stocked. Or why don't you ask one of the other adults to host the whole thing but I do understand this one may not be possible, worth asking though. Try to relax and stop beating yourself up, you have been to hell and back, the tears will come in their own time. Be kind to yourself.

 

[2197alexandra]

The gathering on Christmas day is me my hubby our four children three of them under the age of nine.
Then we have my father in law and two brother in laws. They have been here down from Scotland since dad died. One brother in law lives local but is alone so will be here. And my f in l and youngest b I l are here until the new year.

There is no easy way to say it but none of them are cooking anything in my kitchen. They are not domesticated in any way. They are all single men with no idea really. It's all up to me.
It's very cave man style in my house my hubby is not up to cooking more than a bacon butty.

I think I'll go for some mid night shopping tonight that sounds like a plan.

The kids have one big present between them and I was supposed to get the other smaller stuff its that stuff I haven't got. My eldest had just said he's fine with money and he'll go and buy his own clothes after Christmas.

I have no close friends here my best friend lives 130 miles away. I have spent my whole time caring for dad the past few years I have lost touch with everybody local. My biggest friend for the past year has been TP.

 

[VickyG]

Just breathe..... Christmas will come and go! Don't worry about any of it, it'll get done. Ask for help, give them all something to do, be it peel the spuds or veggies..... At the end of the day, you also need to look after YOU. So don't panic about it all....
xx

 

[Tin]

Then if you are going for the midnight shop, why not buy everything prepared/peeled etc. I found some good par roasted potatoes in freezer dept, ready made gravy, frozen veg that just needs dropping into a pan of boiling water, carrot and suede mashed with butter milk and nutmeg and again ready made dessert. Maybe you could get a few stocking fillers from supermarket too. Definitely shop when there are less people around.

 

[cathykins]

So sorry for your loss. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate and not a lot of support. You mention that you think you should be 'back to normal' two weeks after your Dad passed away, but that is expecting a lot of yourself. We are all different, and it can take weeks, months or even years to get over the loss of a loved one. You can't suddenly get over it because Christmas is on the horizon. Your guests will just have to understand that you are still affected by your loss, and that there is no way you will be full of festive spirit so soon.

Take each day as it comes, and ask for help and understanding when you need it. I hope you find some peace, and time to take care of yourself - you deserve it.

Sending hugs xxxxxx

 

[molly11]

Im so sorry for your loss.
Agree with the others, ask for help. You shouldnt be expected to do all this so soon, even if you once offered.
As for pressies, wine/choc sets for adults & vouchers/money for kids. Tell your children (or the oldest) just how badly you are feeling, that you just can't face the shops but that you will all go together in Jan & pick their toys together with their money/vouchers.
Good luck & all the best to get through it x x


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[2197alexandra]

So sorry for your loss. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate and not a lot of support. You mention that you think you should be 'back to normal' two weeks after your Dad passed away, but that is expecting a lot of yourself. We are all different, and it can take weeks, months or even years to get over the loss of a loved one. You can't suddenly get over it because Christmas is on the horizon. Your guests will just have to understand that you are still affected by your loss, and that there is no way you will be full of festive spirit so soon.

Take each day as it comes, and ask for help and understanding when you need it. I hope you find some peace, and time to take care of yourself - you deserve it.

Sending hugs xxxxxx

Sorry that came across wrong. What I meant was everything seems to be carrying on like normal now. But I'm not I'm not ready it's only two weeks. I haven't had chance to do any grieving yet. I'm not ready to say or feel better yet but it feels like everyone around me is back to normal.

 

[CollegeGirl]

I'm so sorry for your loss, please accept my condolences. Two weeks is no time at all, you are bound to still be reeling, please don't punish yourself for not being back to normal.

With such young children it's understandable that it would be difficult to cancel Christmas for them, but the others are adults and you should be spared having to have them for this year at least. It won't hurt your FiL and BiLs to sort themselves out - why don't they all get together themselves so none will be alone? It's really unfair of them to expect you to look after them when you've just lost your dad. I would just speak to them and tell them it's just too much for you this year.

Your husband may not be able to cook, but is he able to shop for the children's stocking fillers at least?

I agree with buying all ready prepared stuff for the dinner, too. If no-one else is willing to help in the kitchen then there's nothing wrong with letting Tesco/Asda/Sainsbury's/Lidl take the strain.

Scale it all down. The day will come and go no matter what you do, your dad's funeral is on Christmas Eve (have I got that right?), and apart from you and your husband making things right for your children you really should have no other responsibilities, in my opinion.

With very best wishes to you xx

 

[2197alexandra]

Well here goes nothing. I didn't brave the midnight shopping lat night but I'm now standing here with my coat on ready to go buy my beautiful children some well deserved Christmas presents. One session only if it's not got now it's not going to be got. X

 

[Tin]

Are you home yet? hopefully a successful shop. Food tomorrow?

 

[2197alexandra]

Just spotted for a warm hot chocolate shopping trip going better than I thought. Found some lovely things for the girls. Gonna drop this lot at the cat and come back for another little run. My eldest came with me for support I'm glad he did.

 

[Tin]

Hot chocolate with a little brandy, my favourite apres ski drink, followed by a fondue, yummy.

 

[CollegeGirl]

So glad to hear you're getting sorted and feeling a bit more chipper xx

 

[marchbank]

Thought about you when i was out shopping

I'm glad you really sound like you enjoyed yourself. The fresh air would've done you good. Take care and take it easy.

 

[jugglingmum]

Hope you've got stuff done. Sounds like you did. Not been on for a few days but worth going to the supermarket tonight as will be quieter than tomorrow.

 

[2197alexandra]

So there we go all shopping done. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Spent a fortune but never mind. Now I'm going to pour a very large glass of something nice and start preparing some food.

Merry Christmas everyone.

 

[Tin]

So there we go all shopping done. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Spent a fortune but never mind. Now I'm going to pour a very large glass of something nice and start preparing some food.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Well done, hope you have more than one large glass tonight, enjoy as much as you can. I love cooking with wine, not in the food, in a glass!!!!!