Bereavment

B

Bikey

Registered User
Sep 25, 2014
11
0
West Sussex
After only a short time on talking point, and gained so much, the pain of watching my wife suffer with dementia, Parkinson's, and unable to swallow, she past away on Thursday 16th October.
Whilst that pain has gone, a new one has emerged, because no matter what I do, I keep thinking "I use to do that with Barbara" equally as painfull.
Thank you to those of you who gave such good advice, it made things a lot easier to understand.
Good luck to you all.
Bikey
 
Jo1958

Jo1958

Registered User
Mar 31, 2010
3,724
0
Yorkshire
Bikey, I am so sorry to read that your wonderful Barbara has died, please accept my sincere condolences.

I hope that the memories will get easier and happy ones give you strength and consolation in the future.

With kind regards from Jo
 
C

Cornishman

Registered User
May 27, 2013
384
0
Bikey said:
After only a short time on talking point, and gained so much, the pain of watching my wife suffer with dementia, Parkinson's, and unable to swallow, she past away on Thursday 16th October.
Whilst that pain has gone, a new one has emerged, because no matter what I do, I keep thinking "I use to do that with Barbara" equally as painfull.
Thank you to those of you who gave such good advice, it made things a lot easier to understand.
Good luck to you all.
Bikey
Click to expand...

Dear Bikey

My thoughts are with you in such a difficult time.

Someone said to me when my father died, my relationship with my father would only end when I died too - in other words, your love and relationship with someone remains just as strong and important after they have passed away as it did when they were with you. I've never forgotten that because, for me, it made so much sense.

I can understand why you would think the way you describe about Barbara - my dad used to like anything to do with aeroplanes, and I used to see a book and think how he'd like it and would be upset when I realised the book would have to stay on the shelf, but now I just smile and think of him whenever that happens and in the moment feel closer to my dad because, all the time I'm still around, we're still together.

Best wishes
 
Izzy

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
74,434
0
72
Dundee
I'm so sorry to read your sad news. Sending my condolences and wishing you strength for the day and weeks to come.
 
marionq

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,449
0
Scotland
This is hard for you and at the moment raw. The only way to ease this pain is to lay down new memories by going out, joining a rambling group or other club in your area and talking to new people. You might find that your recent experiences can help someone else. Go to your local library and ask them for a brochure on what is happening in your area. They all have some info Good luck in the future.
 
R

rajahh

Registered User
Aug 29, 2008
2,790
0
Hertfordshire
Cornishman said:
Dear Bikey

My thoughts are with you in such a difficult time.

Someone said to me when my father died, my relationship with my father would only end when I died too - in other words, your love and relationship with someone remains just as strong and important after they have passed away as it did when they were with you. I've never forgotten that because, for me, it made so much sense.

I can understand why you would think the way you describe about Barbara - my dad used to like anything to do with aeroplanes, and I used to see a book and think how he'd like it and would be upset when I realised the book would have to stay on the shelf, but now I just smile and think of him whenever that happens and in the moment feel closer to my dad because, all the time I'm still around, we're still together.

Best wishes
Click to expand...

This is how I have dealt with the deaths of my daughter, grand daughter and more recently my husband.
I smile when I see something they would have liked , not only on the outside but I smile inside too.

They stay alive within me,
.
 
Chuggalug

Chuggalug

Registered User
Mar 24, 2014
8,007
0
Norfolk
Bikey said:
After only a short time on talking point, and gained so much, the pain of watching my wife suffer with dementia, Parkinson's, and unable to swallow, she past away on Thursday 16th October.
Whilst that pain has gone, a new one has emerged, because no matter what I do, I keep thinking "I use to do that with Barbara" equally as painfull.
Thank you to those of you who gave such good advice, it made things a lot easier to understand.
Good luck to you all.
Bikey
Click to expand...

Bikey, I'm so dreadfully sorry to read your sad news. It is hard, watching a loved one suffer, while we suffer alongside, often, for different reasons. I hope, with all my heart that you have someone close by that you can lean on whilst feelings are so raw. My loving condolences, and hope you'll stick around here for whatever support you think you might need, even if it's just a bit of chat/sharing time. xx
 
G

Grandma Joan

Registered User
Mar 29, 2013
276
0
Wiltshire
How sad Bikey. This is a cruel disease, we have to watch our loved ones pass away in such a distressing way.

Over time the distressing memories will fade, and you can begin to remember your lovely wife and the happy times.

Grief is so overwhelming and painful, and I know everyones says it but you will find ways of coping with that grief as time goes on, I promise.
 
Rathbone

Rathbone

Registered User
May 17, 2014
2,264
0
West Sussex
To you Bikey and everyone who is grieving for the loss of a loved one, I send peace and loving thoughts. Know that this great big TP community is always here, strong and constant. Lean our way, we will all support each other. X:)
 
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