Emotionally shot
- Thread starter 1954
- Start date
I would imagine its much like the reason for your earlier tears - you have both been struggling so much and now some things are being resolved and there is likely to be more support and hopefully a reduction in stress/ pressure - its very difficult to switch off from the previous stress and realise that hopefully there is an improvement looming.
Hopefully as the changes take effect you will both begin to feel stronger.
Take care
Celia
Hopefully as the changes take effect you will both begin to feel stronger.
Take care
Celia
I alternate between total meltdown, to total lethargy, to confident coping.
I spend more time in meltdown and lethargy !!!!!!!!
I spend more time in meltdown and lethargy !!!!!!!!
You are not alone. I too have days where I feel the same-and today is one of those days. Mum got upset with builders working next door and went out and shouted at them and our neighbour to stop the noise. Then she became convinced she couldn't swallow and has wanted me by her side all day and has followed me to every room when I have tried to get dinner etc. (The doctor has previously said this is mainly pyschologically based, mum does not have a physical problem with swallowing.) She has not eaten or had anything to drink all day.
I really feel for you. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for you.
x
I really feel for you. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for you.
x
That's exactly it! That is what is happening. Hubby doesn't understand but then he goes out to work and has some interaction with others. My day is very different
I said to hubby last night I never in my wildest dreams would realise how emotionally draining this is. I suppose one only realises it when one is in the situation. I have told a few of my friends how emotionally draining it is but they look at MIL and they sort of have a blank look on their faces in disbelief. Its not their fault but it is so frustrating
Yes I know how you feel.
There are two parts of the day I dread, the first is the first glimpse of mum in the morning as she emerges from her bedroom. I can now tell from her body language, before I see her facial expression, what sort of a mood she is in and therefore how my day will pan out. I find myself on tenterhooks - if I see that it's going to be a 'bad' day I instantly feel drained it is so hard to put on my happy face smile and start a conversation.
The second part of the day I dread is sundowning time - at the 'other end of the day' often it's end to end complaints and accusations that I prefer my children's and husbands company above her company.
I don't know how I cope - as you say talking about it to those who have never experienced these things is impossible - they just don't get it. I have become hardened and find myself detatched form these more difficult parts of my days - sometimes I can feel myself "away" from mum - talking to myself saying"just smile", "don't say anything", "just focus on that tissue on the floor that I'm going to pick up in a minute" - thats how I cope.
Hope that your Friday is a good one (hope mine is too!)
There are two parts of the day I dread, the first is the first glimpse of mum in the morning as she emerges from her bedroom. I can now tell from her body language, before I see her facial expression, what sort of a mood she is in and therefore how my day will pan out. I find myself on tenterhooks - if I see that it's going to be a 'bad' day I instantly feel drained it is so hard to put on my happy face smile and start a conversation.
The second part of the day I dread is sundowning time - at the 'other end of the day' often it's end to end complaints and accusations that I prefer my children's and husbands company above her company.
I don't know how I cope - as you say talking about it to those who have never experienced these things is impossible - they just don't get it. I have become hardened and find myself detatched form these more difficult parts of my days - sometimes I can feel myself "away" from mum - talking to myself saying"just smile", "don't say anything", "just focus on that tissue on the floor that I'm going to pick up in a minute" - thats how I cope.
Hope that your Friday is a good one (hope mine is too
!)Yes. It didn't really strike home just how draining this all is until Mum went into the system and is now on her way to a home when a bed becomes available. I've had some time to stop continually be thinking about my Mum and begin to relax my vigilance. I have various notifications that go off that I had set up to remind me of what to do and today when it went off I felt everything crash down again inside. I feel I have to reprogram my whole life and learn to live again.
Fortunately, I'm comfortable with the plan that's being put together and I really don't have to worry.
Learning to 'unwind' from the constant care role seems a trip of its own. Part of me is tentatively stepping into a frame of mind where I can see there can be a life after the chaos.
Somehow the chaos had become a comfort zone of sorts in itself. Weird.
Anyhow, wishing all the best.
Fortunately, I'm comfortable with the plan that's being put together and I really don't have to worry.
Learning to 'unwind' from the constant care role seems a trip of its own. Part of me is tentatively stepping into a frame of mind where I can see there can be a life after the chaos.
Somehow the chaos had become a comfort zone of sorts in itself. Weird.
Anyhow, wishing all the best.
Yes I know how you feel.
There are two parts of the day I dread, the first is the first glimpse of mum in the morning as she emerges from her bedroom. I can now tell from her body language, before I see her facial expression, what sort of a mood she is in and therefore how my day will pan out. I find myself on tenterhooks - if I see that it's going to be a 'bad' day I instantly feel drained it is so hard to put on my happy face smile and start a conversation.
The second part of the day I dread is sundowning time - at the 'other end of the day' often it's end to end complaints and accusations that I prefer my children's and husbands company above her company.
I don't know how I cope - as you say talking about it to those who have never experienced these things is impossible - they just don't get it. I have become hardened and find myself detatched form these more difficult parts of my days - sometimes I can feel myself "away" from mum - talking to myself saying"just smile", "don't say anything", "just focus on that tissue on the floor that I'm going to pick up in a minute" - thats how I cope.
Hope that your Friday is a good one (hope mine is too
How true. I dread her getting up and seeing what mood she is in and by 5pmish I am done in! Hopeless really! I do smack a smile on my face unless I am crying but she doesn't 'see' me cry even though I am in the room with her. Having said all that I feel terribly sad for her as she understands nothing and is well confused!
You're not weak 1954, just human. I know how you feel. I have days when I'm emotionally and physically shot, but some days I feel incredibly strong.
I find the responsibility all consuming, and there is always some new problem or drama that needs calming. There is no rest mentally. We're trying to help people who can't be reasoned with and there's no escape from the tension and frustration this causes, and yes we are swimming against the tide.
I cope by just accepting it and trying to keep a sense of humour, which I know you have too.
I find the responsibility all consuming, and there is always some new problem or drama that needs calming. There is no rest mentally. We're trying to help people who can't be reasoned with and there's no escape from the tension and frustration this causes, and yes we are swimming against the tide.
I cope by just accepting it and trying to keep a sense of humour, which I know you have too.
Don't beat yourselves up! Of course you are not weak, none of us have super powers - when was the last time you entered a telephone kiosk and came out wearing a superman costume?
Having said that, I went through a patch when my whole body seemed sapped, I couldn't think and I just wanted the whole world to go away. It was as if I had nothing left to give, but somehow I still had to carry on and did. With the support of close family and friends who reminded me that I didn't have super powers, I did come through this.
You will come through this bad patch also and will be stronger and more confident when you come out the other side. Best wishes
Having said that, I went through a patch when my whole body seemed sapped, I couldn't think and I just wanted the whole world to go away. It was as if I had nothing left to give, but somehow I still had to carry on and did. With the support of close family and friends who reminded me that I didn't have super powers, I did come through this.
You will come through this bad patch also and will be stronger and more confident when you come out the other side. Best wishes
No, 1954, you are not weak. You care....a lot. All of us on here are walking the same awful path. It's like walking through an ever-steepening tunnel with no light at the end to reassure. Every day, the path in the tunnel gets harder to walk. I find myself having to do more and more for Janet just for us to stand still. The only hope I have is that the silver bullet drug breakthrough comes before it's too late.
I hope you can find the strength to keep going.
David
I hope you can find the strength to keep going.
David
