Welcome home! We missed you, but you seriously needed to get away. I am glad everyone is still in one piece and that you were able to unwind.
Can I ... Should I?
- Thread starter Sam Luvit
- Start date
Morning @Amy in the US
I won’t say it’s good to be back, but I’m in a better frame of mind, so that’s something.
Isn’t it “funny” how while I was away, the carers turned up anywhere between 07.00 & 11.00, but this morning, she was bang on time at 09.30. I wonder if my mini rant at last nights Carer about times had anything to do with that. We’ve asked for 19.30, but not between 19.00 & 19.30, so of course she arrived at 18.50
I was throwing around comments of duty of care, entitled to be treated as a person, Mum pays for a service & isn’t getting it. I did temper it with apologies for being out of sorts on very little sleep due to travelling, but that we need routine. Let’s see if they get it right later. I’m not keen on wading straight into another fight, but I will ...
I won’t say it’s good to be back, but I’m in a better frame of mind, so that’s something.
Isn’t it “funny” how while I was away, the carers turned up anywhere between 07.00 & 11.00, but this morning, she was bang on time at 09.30. I wonder if my mini rant at last nights Carer about times had anything to do with that. We’ve asked for 19.30, but not between 19.00 & 19.30, so of course she arrived at 18.50
I was throwing around comments of duty of care, entitled to be treated as a person, Mum pays for a service & isn’t getting it. I did temper it with apologies for being out of sorts on very little sleep due to travelling, but that we need routine. Let’s see if they get it right later. I’m not keen on wading straight into another fight, but I will ...
Morning @canary
Thank you
I did have to take myself off & be alone for a few days, only meeting for dinner & drinks, but I think it was better for everyone that I did that.
Everyone survived. Mum knows, that I know she played up. The day of setting off the falls monitor & then not answering the calls, I’ve told her she was grossly unfair, the look on her face, she knew exactly what she’d done.
I’ve told her I will be going away again & she will cope. I’m not too sure how my brother will take that news lol
Thank you
I did have to take myself off & be alone for a few days, only meeting for dinner & drinks, but I think it was better for everyone that I did that.
Everyone survived. Mum knows, that I know she played up. The day of setting off the falls monitor & then not answering the calls, I’ve told her she was grossly unfair, the look on her face, she knew exactly what she’d done.
I’ve told her I will be going away again & she will cope. I’m not too sure how my brother will take that news lol
Morning @love.dad.but..
It was relaxing, I do love a sunset. I think I read 5 books & started on the Kindle, it was bliss to just sit & read until I wanted to put the book down
I’m feeling stronger than I was, but I’m still a bit vulnerable, if that makes sense. At least big brother got a real taste of what Mum can be like, not hostess mode lol. He said he doesn’t know how I do it!!! Neither do I at times
I’ll be talking to the lunch club & getting her there by next week, not for lunch, but for the afternoon activities, it’ll do her good. Ok. It’ll do me good lol
It was relaxing, I do love a sunset. I think I read 5 books & started on the Kindle, it was bliss to just sit & read until I wanted to put the book down
I’m feeling stronger than I was, but I’m still a bit vulnerable, if that makes sense. At least big brother got a real taste of what Mum can be like, not hostess mode lol. He said he doesn’t know how I do it!!! Neither do I at times
I’ll be talking to the lunch club & getting her there by next week, not for lunch, but for the afternoon activities, it’ll do her good. Ok. It’ll do me good lol
Beautiful photos Sam, thanks for sharing them
Yes, getting mum to the lunch club is good for her ultimately because it is what you need in order to continue doing what you are.
I am glad that your bro also got a taste of how things really are
Yes, getting mum to the lunch club is good for her ultimately because it is what you need in order to continue doing what you are.
I am glad that your bro also got a taste of how things really are
Sam, yes, absolutely she needs to go to the lunch club, the activities, day care, whatever. It is all good for her, the routine is important, and the respite for you is extremely important.
Thank you for the photos, which are gorgeous!
Thank you for the photos, which are gorgeous!
Thank you @Slugsta, they were very quick snaps while walking along, but I had to have something to show Mum
Yes, I was relieved brother got to see reality, although I’m also sorry he had such a time of it. I think I can safely say, he understands now. You should have seen his face this afternoon, when I reminded Mum she had survived & we all wouId when I go away again, in about 6 months.
Yes, I was relieved brother got to see reality, although I’m also sorry he had such a time of it. I think I can safely say, he understands now. You should have seen his face this afternoon, when I reminded Mum she had survived & we all wouId when I go away again, in about 6 months.
I know you are right @Amy in the US & she will be going. I’ve not told her yet, I’m thinking of giving them a ring to check they are ok with her broken wrist, checking the activities & then just bundling her in the car
I think it was her nastyness on my return, that almost had me in tears again, that brought it home to me, that no matter what she wants, I need her to go
I think it was her nastyness on my return, that almost had me in tears again, that brought it home to me, that no matter what she wants, I need her to go
Well, I’ve now been home 24 hours & the sunshine seems a long way away, but I still forced myself to walk out & leave Mum for an hour while I walked pooch along the seafront, we even played in the sea. I also took S to lunch & we sat in the sunshine & chatted
I’m getting ahead of myself ....
Mum did a poor act of the abandoned old lady leading up to my leaving. I was packed & ready, cooked us a meal, loaded the dishwasher & made sure she had everything. I even walked pooch & made up my bed so pooch could go in to rest (he goes in my room when he wants some peace). When I got home she proudly told me she’d shut my door so he couldn’t go in. Oh well, I did try.
Anyway, S came & picked me up & the traffic was gloriously light, so we had an uneventful easy trip, stopping on the way for a coffee. I’d tried for an afternoon nap, but was thwarted by Mum, so I was a little worried I’d fall asleep & miss my flight, so I walked around a lot, I checked in early, drank lots of water (a full bladder is a great way to stay awake), then tackled security. The flight was on time & although pretty full, not too bad. I dozed on the flight, forcing down a Tesco meal deal.
Landing was interesting, I’d heard you come in low over the sea, but it was an experience to actually do it. I suspect the runway is “just” long enough, judging by the hand brake turn feel io the taxi off to the gate!
I found the Hoppa bus & squeezed on. Fortunately that was not full, so not too much of a squash. However, I was a little surprised & concerned at my drop off, not outside the apartment, but I was pointed in a general “it down there” as they drove off, but I found it ok.
Adult only, it was clean, if a bit Spartan, but home for the next week. Unpacked in 10 minutes & set off to find a local shop, returning with water (for coffee) & fruit. Sorted. I then chilled in the sun, drank coffee & ate melon, while reading in peace. Bliss. I’d bought 2 packets of frozen lactofree milk so I could have coffee. I’m nothing if not prepared!
The first few days we met up for breakfast, walked to one end & then the other end of the resort, ate lunch, walked a bit more, met up again for dinner & drinks. I know I wasn’t the best company, so I suggested I had some time on my own. I think it then worked much better for all of us.
I got up & had a leisurly coffee. Showered & dressed, then walked to the shop for supplies, had breakfast sitting in the sun, cleared away & stretched out with a book. On my second morning a guy gave me his sunbed cushion, saying he’d paid for it, but was leaving that day & wouId I like it. I accepted. Those sun beds are pretty hard without a cushion.
I generally met the others for lunch & a stroll along the front, stopping to look in the shops, have tea & walk a bit further. It was chilled & I gradually relaxed
I tried phoning home, but Mum just hung up on me. 4 times in one day & I was not a happy bunny. I then managed to talk to S while she was with Mum, but Mum didn’t want to speak to me. Told me she was fine, everything was fine & to talk to S. I was pretty cross & with a bit of encouraging I decided not to call again & I didn’t.
My eldest went round, he’d agreed to visit 4 times while I was away, going after work & staying 2 hours. Naturally Mum had to mess that up. He went round, took pooch out for a walk, went to Tesco for some bits (probably cake lol), but when he got back, he found Mum in the garden shed looking for something, with no zimmer in sight. He was freaking out & didn’t know what to do. He didn’t feel he could tell her off, but he didn’t know what to do. I told him to tell his uncle & let him deal with it.
Oh boy. Brother went the next day & tore a strip off her. Telling her it was out of order doing that. Her Grandson could have come back to find her on the floor. How wouId he explain that to me. Brother then told eldest he wouId come round & eldest wasn’t to come. So brother then had to cancel all his work for the week & Mum sit every day. He said he doesn’t know how I do it, he wanted to strangle her at least once a day! Welcome to my world sweetheart.
There was one day brother couldn’t cancel. Just one. He told Mum he had to go to London, a big client & he wouldn’t be able to visit. Didn’t Mum just excel herself. She set off the fall monitor & the didn’t respond to the call. Didn’t answer the phone from brother & just ignored everything.
I got a call from ASC / Lifeline telling me Mum had fallen. After the 4th time if telling them I was not there. I am sitting on a beach in Lanzarote, call my brother, they finally went away.
Brother texted me, saying what has happened, I’d already had a call, so I just texted him & told him to ignore it. I gave him telephone numbers for the neighbours & said if she had fallen they wouId get her to hospital & he could visit her later, but I figured she had set it off & was fine. I was right. She was fine. No fall. No problem. No polite way of saying what I thought of her at that time, but, it is what it is
I had one more call from the care agency. Apparently they sent a Carer at 07.00. I laughed at them & said good luck with that, she’ll tell the Carer where to go. Apparently that wasn’t needed as the Carer heard pooch & just left .... wow. It was a courtesy call to say they might not be able to make another call. Well, they got it with both barrels. Duty of care. My first break. I’m not there. I’ve told you to call my brother. You said you can cover etc etc.
Suddenly they had a Carer, but it wouId be at 11.00. Wow. So my 80’s mum didn’t get her get up call till nearly midday. I’m sooooooo impressed.
I then just left them to it. I git a text each day saying she was alive & kicking & I got on with downing lots of CM
The journey home wasn’t so great. Delays. Pratt dad with little girl who kicked me for the entire flight, but he didn’t seem to have the brains to do anything. Delayed train etc. I git home & Mum opened the door saying ... “oh, it’s you, I thought it was J”. Nice. Not exactly feeling the live I replied, “no just your daughter, but I can always go again”, to which Mum said ‘I didn’t ask you to come back”
That kinda set the tone. I unpacked. She sulked. I shopped. She sulked some more. Then I heated a ready meal plonked it in front of her & poured a very large CM
we did manage to end with smiles, but I couid have cheerfully strangled her, walked back out or just left her sulking
Yay, normal life has resumed
However, I have gone out 3 times today & she’s had to lump it
I cooked an amazing steak in cream mushroom sauce with creamed potatoes & she’s much happier.
I’m full & about to walk pooch then collapse in front of the TV
Ain’t life grand
(I’m also going out with S on Friday for drinks!!!)
I’m getting ahead of myself ....
Mum did a poor act of the abandoned old lady leading up to my leaving. I was packed & ready, cooked us a meal, loaded the dishwasher & made sure she had everything. I even walked pooch & made up my bed so pooch could go in to rest (he goes in my room when he wants some peace). When I got home she proudly told me she’d shut my door so he couldn’t go in. Oh well, I did try.
Anyway, S came & picked me up & the traffic was gloriously light, so we had an uneventful easy trip, stopping on the way for a coffee. I’d tried for an afternoon nap, but was thwarted by Mum, so I was a little worried I’d fall asleep & miss my flight, so I walked around a lot, I checked in early, drank lots of water (a full bladder is a great way to stay awake), then tackled security. The flight was on time & although pretty full, not too bad. I dozed on the flight, forcing down a Tesco meal deal.
Landing was interesting, I’d heard you come in low over the sea, but it was an experience to actually do it. I suspect the runway is “just” long enough, judging by the hand brake turn feel io the taxi off to the gate!
I found the Hoppa bus & squeezed on. Fortunately that was not full, so not too much of a squash. However, I was a little surprised & concerned at my drop off, not outside the apartment, but I was pointed in a general “it down there” as they drove off, but I found it ok.
Adult only, it was clean, if a bit Spartan, but home for the next week. Unpacked in 10 minutes & set off to find a local shop, returning with water (for coffee) & fruit. Sorted. I then chilled in the sun, drank coffee & ate melon, while reading in peace. Bliss. I’d bought 2 packets of frozen lactofree milk so I could have coffee. I’m nothing if not prepared!
The first few days we met up for breakfast, walked to one end & then the other end of the resort, ate lunch, walked a bit more, met up again for dinner & drinks. I know I wasn’t the best company, so I suggested I had some time on my own. I think it then worked much better for all of us.
I got up & had a leisurly coffee. Showered & dressed, then walked to the shop for supplies, had breakfast sitting in the sun, cleared away & stretched out with a book. On my second morning a guy gave me his sunbed cushion, saying he’d paid for it, but was leaving that day & wouId I like it. I accepted. Those sun beds are pretty hard without a cushion.
I generally met the others for lunch & a stroll along the front, stopping to look in the shops, have tea & walk a bit further. It was chilled & I gradually relaxed
I tried phoning home, but Mum just hung up on me. 4 times in one day & I was not a happy bunny. I then managed to talk to S while she was with Mum, but Mum didn’t want to speak to me. Told me she was fine, everything was fine & to talk to S. I was pretty cross & with a bit of encouraging I decided not to call again & I didn’t.
My eldest went round, he’d agreed to visit 4 times while I was away, going after work & staying 2 hours. Naturally Mum had to mess that up. He went round, took pooch out for a walk, went to Tesco for some bits (probably cake lol), but when he got back, he found Mum in the garden shed looking for something, with no zimmer in sight. He was freaking out & didn’t know what to do. He didn’t feel he could tell her off, but he didn’t know what to do. I told him to tell his uncle & let him deal with it.
Oh boy. Brother went the next day & tore a strip off her. Telling her it was out of order doing that. Her Grandson could have come back to find her on the floor. How wouId he explain that to me. Brother then told eldest he wouId come round & eldest wasn’t to come. So brother then had to cancel all his work for the week & Mum sit every day. He said he doesn’t know how I do it, he wanted to strangle her at least once a day! Welcome to my world sweetheart.
There was one day brother couldn’t cancel. Just one. He told Mum he had to go to London, a big client & he wouldn’t be able to visit. Didn’t Mum just excel herself. She set off the fall monitor & the didn’t respond to the call. Didn’t answer the phone from brother & just ignored everything.
I got a call from ASC / Lifeline telling me Mum had fallen. After the 4th time if telling them I was not there. I am sitting on a beach in Lanzarote, call my brother, they finally went away.
Brother texted me, saying what has happened, I’d already had a call, so I just texted him & told him to ignore it. I gave him telephone numbers for the neighbours & said if she had fallen they wouId get her to hospital & he could visit her later, but I figured she had set it off & was fine. I was right. She was fine. No fall. No problem. No polite way of saying what I thought of her at that time, but, it is what it is
I had one more call from the care agency. Apparently they sent a Carer at 07.00. I laughed at them & said good luck with that, she’ll tell the Carer where to go. Apparently that wasn’t needed as the Carer heard pooch & just left .... wow. It was a courtesy call to say they might not be able to make another call. Well, they got it with both barrels. Duty of care. My first break. I’m not there. I’ve told you to call my brother. You said you can cover etc etc.
Suddenly they had a Carer, but it wouId be at 11.00. Wow. So my 80’s mum didn’t get her get up call till nearly midday. I’m sooooooo impressed.
I then just left them to it. I git a text each day saying she was alive & kicking & I got on with downing lots of CM
The journey home wasn’t so great. Delays. Pratt dad with little girl who kicked me for the entire flight, but he didn’t seem to have the brains to do anything. Delayed train etc. I git home & Mum opened the door saying ... “oh, it’s you, I thought it was J”. Nice. Not exactly feeling the live I replied, “no just your daughter, but I can always go again”, to which Mum said ‘I didn’t ask you to come back”
That kinda set the tone. I unpacked. She sulked. I shopped. She sulked some more. Then I heated a ready meal plonked it in front of her & poured a very large CM
we did manage to end with smiles, but I couid have cheerfully strangled her, walked back out or just left her sulking
Yay, normal life has resumed
However, I have gone out 3 times today & she’s had to lump it
I cooked an amazing steak in cream mushroom sauce with creamed potatoes & she’s much happier.
I’m full & about to walk pooch then collapse in front of the TV
Ain’t life grand
(I’m also going out with S on Friday for drinks!!!)
I'm glad you got away Sam, your pictures look great. Glad your brother understands how hard it is. Get booking your next break whilst you can! They will all just appreciate you more now they know what it's like without you!
I'm so glad you enjoyed your holiday get sorted for your next break, it's the only thing that keeps me sane, the promise of sun in a few months.
I had a lovely break, getting together with both old and new friends, understanding he perils of this life. All that was needed was there, sun, food, drink, sleep ( and sleep was plentiful ) better than any medicine was the laughs
Mum didn't know, my oh decided in his wisdom to tell her
She forgot
Plenty of people were around to visit, night care was in place to stop any wandering.
Brother informed us that mum was saying ' I was going to marry again, a man in here, but I'm not now '
Thank goodness for that, after been married to dad for 64 years you would think she'd had enough of washing socks and underpants !! So I'm not getting a new dad lol.
Ps enjoy drinks with S, your mum will be fine x
get sorted for your next break, it's the only thing that keeps me sane, the promise of sun in a few months.I had a lovely break, getting together with both old and new friends, understanding he perils of this life. All that was needed was there, sun, food, drink, sleep ( and sleep was plentiful ) better than any medicine was the laughs
Mum didn't know, my oh decided in his wisdom to tell her
She forgot
Plenty of people were around to visit, night care was in place to stop any wandering.
Brother informed us that mum was saying ' I was going to marry again, a man in here, but I'm not now '
Thank goodness for that, after been married to dad for 64 years you would think she'd had enough of washing socks and underpants !! So I'm not getting a new dad lol.
Ps enjoy drinks with S, your mum will be fine x
Sam, I'm sorry that your mum made your break more difficult than it should have been
I remember my grandma once being admitted to hospital on the day Mum was supposed to be going away. Grandma was terribly hot but no cause was found and her temp came down rapidly. Mum swore she had done it on purpose and always suspected that G had switched her leccy blanket to 'high' then lay and boiled!
I always like to have my next break sorted as soon as possible after the last one ended. I would encourage you to do the same as much as you are able (even if it is only 'sorted' in your head initially) so that you have that lifeline to cling on to (((hugs)))
I remember my grandma once being admitted to hospital on the day Mum was supposed to be going away. Grandma was terribly hot but no cause was found and her temp came down rapidly. Mum swore she had done it on purpose and always suspected that G had switched her leccy blanket to 'high' then lay and boiled!
I always like to have my next break sorted as soon as possible after the last one ended. I would encourage you to do the same as much as you are able (even if it is only 'sorted' in your head initially) so that you have that lifeline to cling on to (((hugs)))
