Paranoia - anything I can do?

[Zim]

I'm having problems with my mother & her paranoia. I've lived with her on & off for 15 years & basically done everything for her as she has trust issues. She is 83 & over the last 10 years has fallen out with friends, family & workers, accusing them of damaging & stealing things & often putting me in a difficult position along the way. As the last one standing, she now thinks everything is my fault & I want her dead (she told the GP practise this). At the end of January she called the police/adult protection/social services (can't remember who it exactly was, I was in shock), & after explaining their concerns for my mother i.e. I was encouraging her to take pills, changing the will, stealing etc etc, asked me to leave her home, I've not had contact with her since. I wrote to her GP explaining this & she had a safeguarding visit from Social Services but as she can seem coherent when not talking about me, they just advised her to ring the police if she feels unsafe. I believe she took a cognitive test & passed, but surely she needs a psychiatric report re her paranoia towards me. Even though I have LPA the GP won't discuss her issues with me because she refuses them permission to do so. I visited CAB, phoned Social Services but basically because she is not a danger to herself they won't get involved. I have since been informed that the other day she went to the Police, very distressed & informed them I was still getting into her house, moving stuff & putting her possessions in the bin & have placed listening devices on her phones, they drove her home & said call them in an emergency - would they contact Social Services about her visit, would it reopen another safeguarding query? I'm obviously super worried about her as well as being extremely sad that our once stable relationship has come to this. Now totally isolated & scared, she has contacted her 2 grandchildren whom she disowned, accusing them of stealing (now blaming me) & my ex brother in law (their father) is back on the scene too, though on one side this seems good news if they help a little, I'm worried they make take advantage of my vulnerable mum. Please, please can anyone tell me if there is anything more I can do to try & get help for her, in my previous post a private social worker was mentioned but she won't let anybody into the house & if it's not been organised through her local practise, she will just be more adamant & suspicious. I think I will write to her GP again but doubt that will get me anywhere, can I demand she gets checked for her paranoia re me, surely this would show something was not right? Thanks in advance for any advice, I feel totally useless not being able to do anything as well as having these baseless accusations against me.

Kind regards

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hello @Zim I am so sorry that you are going through this, it sounds truly awful, but it is not uncommon when someone has dementia. I would suggest that you do try contacting the GP again, perhaps in writing and explain your concerns.
You might also find it useful to contact the Alzheimer's Society helpline for advice. I have attached their link below.

Contact us

Find out how to get in touch with Alzheimer's Society by phone, email, post or online.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[CarolandVic]

I'm having problems with my mother & her paranoia. I've lived with her on & off for 15 years & basically done everything for her as she has trust issues. She is 83 & over the last 10 years has fallen out with friends, family & workers, accusing them of damaging & stealing things & often putting me in a difficult position along the way. As the last one standing, she now thinks everything is my fault & I want her dead (she told the GP practise this). At the end of January she called the police/adult protection/social services (can't remember who it exactly was, I was in shock), & after explaining their concerns for my mother i.e. I was encouraging her to take pills, changing the will, stealing etc etc, asked me to leave her home, I've not had contact with her since. I wrote to her GP explaining this & she had a safeguarding visit from Social Services but as she can seem coherent when not talking about me, they just advised her to ring the police if she feels unsafe. I believe she took a cognitive test & passed, but surely she needs a psychiatric report re her paranoia towards me. Even though I have LPA the GP won't discuss her issues with me because she refuses them permission to do so. I visited CAB, phoned Social Services but basically because she is not a danger to herself they won't get involved. I have since been informed that the other day she went to the Police, very distressed & informed them I was still getting into her house, moving stuff & putting her possessions in the bin & have placed listening devices on her phones, they drove her home & said call them in an emergency - would they contact Social Services about her visit, would it reopen another safeguarding query? I'm obviously super worried about her as well as being extremely sad that our once stable relationship has come to this. Now totally isolated & scared, she has contacted her 2 grandchildren whom she disowned, accusing them of stealing (now blaming me) & my ex brother in law (their father) is back on the scene too, though on one side this seems good news if they help a little, I'm worried they make take advantage of my vulnerable mum. Please, please can anyone tell me if there is anything more I can do to try & get help for her, in my previous post a private social worker was mentioned but she won't let anybody into the house & if it's not been organised through her local practise, she will just be more adamant & suspicious. I think I will write to her GP again but doubt that will get me anywhere, can I demand she gets checked for her paranoia re me, surely this would show something was not right? Thanks in advance for any advice, I feel totally useless not being able to do anything as well as having these baseless accusations against me.

Kind regards

Zim I really understand what you are experiencing. My mum is 96. For and a half years ago my mum was taken ill very suddenly with sepsis. As she was staying with me for a few days she was taken to my local hospital. At this point she was living alone, without carers and was still driving. She stayed in hospital for ten weeks as it had been touch and go for a while. Meanwhile I had been caring for her little dog, Penny, who was really happy going on walks etc with my own dogs. When mum was due to leave hospital I overheard a conversation between her and another patient where mum had said 'my daughter, she's never been any good'. She then noticed me and bust into tears. She said she didn't understand why she'd said it. A couple of weeks later she moved in with my husband and myself. We all agreed that it would be better for her. We changed her doctor to ours and all seemed ok. However we then heard about covid and lockdown. She wanted to go home as she said she'd be happier in her own home if she couldn't go out. I didn't argue too much as she had become more difficult, more suspicious. She was hiding opened cans of dog food all over the house so that my dogs wouldn't steal the food. I was also caring for my hubby who had vascular dementia, strokes and seizures. In the next few months, I was unable to visit her and her phone calls became more strange. She said that people were breaking into her bedroom at night and standing by her bed. She kept ringing the police accusing me of going to her house and taking her things. Then one day she woke up and little Penny had died. She rang me in floods of tears and I arranged a pet cremation firm to fetch Penny. The next day she rang the police to tell them that I had murdered Penny so that I could have her house!! Eventually the police rang social services and they took her into a care home under a dols order. For the next two years she told everyone that I had killed her dog and had her put into that prison so that I could have her house. She was diagnosed with dementia but I was sure the sepsis had started it. No doctor would listen to me. Three months ago the delusions and paranoia went. She now cries in my arms and begs me to let her live with me. Trouble is she has now lost 75 years of memory,except that she still knows me, and the stress of the last few years has caused this. Put a convenient label on a diagnosis and that will do. Make sure that your mom gets the right diagnosis. Doctors don't know everything and nowadays don't have the time to care. Have an independent diagnosis done if you can.

 

[Zim]

Thanks SeaSwallow, CarolandVic - that's a sad story. Sometimes I wish the police would interview me so I could defend these ridiculous accusations & show that mum needs urgent help! Tragic how a relationship with a loved one can deteriorate in this manner & there is nothing you can do. I will write to her GP again but I fear I have lost mum forever.

 

[SMBeach]

I wrote to dad’s gp by email and forwarded my POA. They sent me years of medical records. They didn’t ask dad if it was ok. They just accepted my POA. Dad was extremely paranoid. As he lived alone and had no family visiting regularly due to distance, the other dementia symptoms weren’t being reported. He was in my view misdiagnosed as paranoid schizophrenia which dad objected to strongly and on hindsight I have to agree with him. But as I lived so far away and still do, all I was aware of at the time were the very odd phone calls that left me wondering what the conversation was even about. He’d talk for 2hrs or more and I still couldn’t recall what we spoke about as he didn’t make much sense. Apart from that, he was extremely paranoid. He was accusing neighbours of being involved in some sort of sex trafficking. Coming into his house. Threatening him. He heard nasty cruel evil voices. He was truly scared for his life. He’d sleep with a hammer under his pillow. It was the most incredibly upsetting time for me. I could only imagine how it must feel to believe and feel you are unsafe in your own home and at night when alone in the dark. He was suspicious of every noise. He’d call the police. When dad was admitted to hospital with a urine infection, they started Risperidone (antipsychotic) at a tiny dose which he’d already been prescribed but yet to start. So I asked the hospital to start it on him while he was there under their care incase there were bad side effects etc. Fads never heard a voice since or been suspicious or paranoid. Once that diss appeared, I realised dad had dementia. The dementia was hidden by the paranoia.

It may be worth writing and sending a copy of your LPA and any test results to suggest your mums mind isn’t her own. Then see if she can go on a mild antipsychotic. The first one dad tried have him jelly legs which he couldn’t feel and possible liver toxicity so don’t give up if there are side effects. Just try a different one.

 

[Zim]

Thanks for sharing that SMBeach, that was interesting & quite a few comparisons. The GP finally called me 4 weeks ago & actually seemed quite helpful, mum's blood tests were all ok, she had passed the cognitive test but hadn't had the second part, a scan - which I believe she has since had, though I am not sure of the results of that (I think that was ok too but not confirmed), GP said mum needed a urgent diagnostic evaluation by a psychiatrist Dr which was supposed to be this Wednesday, I have no idea if she even turned up as I believe she can't be made to go, so I wonder how that went - GP said she'd be in contact but haven't heard anything since. The good news in a warped way is mum has turned up at the GP practise on a few occassions, spouting of her nonsense about me to 3 different Doctors, so at least it is down officially on paper that I'm tampering with the tap water, trying to poison her, steal, bugging the phone, telling her to OD on paracetemol, spying, moving things around etc etc, because apparently I have a split personality, schizophrenia & an evil side!!! She says I'm writing her critical letters & putting them under her pillow - it appears she has actually written these herself!! She thinks I'm living in the house though I haven't been there since January, she even called the Police who told her they removed me to appease her though she doesn't believe them. Similar to your dad, she sleeps with scissors under the pillow & thinks people are coming into the house, taking things & taking advantage - it's so sad & heartbraking to see her living in that type of world. Social services are involved & aware but they have infuriatingly not been in contact with me even though I called them, emailed them & the GP said my info would be passed onto them - instead they have been calling my ex brother in law who I have no contact with (thanks to mum), he understandably doesn't really want to get involved though has helped with a bit of shopping (probably well paid by mum), she must have reached out to him when she realised she had nobody else around but she now doesn't trust him either!! It's all so frustrating & slow process, patience is a virtue, but in practise that is hard when it's someone you care about. She pretty much has isolated herself, backing herself into a corner & has been telling people she can't cope in the house & that it's in a right state & can't operate the shower now. What you mention about antipsychotic drugs may appear to be the way to go but obviously that is down to the specialists to decide moving forward, firstly they need to confirm that there is actually something wrong with her!

Thanks