Trying to find a care home for dad

[Micro10]

Hi, My mum is the main carer for my dad who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s just over 2yrs ago. Unfortunately my mum has just been diagnosed with cancer so is no longer well enough to look after him.
We’re looking for a care home for dad. He has been for two assessment visits at different care homes but they won’t take him because they say he is agitated & unsettled during the visits. We are struggling to find a suitable home, I’ve been to look around another home today & it was fine, I’m sure the care would be OK, but it wasn’t very homely & wouldn’t be my 1st choice, but I feel I am running out of options.
My dad doesn’t want to go into a home & is upset when I leave him for the assessments.
Any advice would be gratefully received.

 

[Kevinl]

Hiya and welcome.
I look at the people not the furniture, I wouldn't have my wife in somewhere were the other people had "challenging" behaviour, she was quite placid, most times towards others.
With the cancer diagnosis I'd be looking for a nursing home rather than a care home.
Hope that helps. K

 

[canary]

Im afraid you will have to be brutely honest about your dads behaviour when you are talking to the manager. I think he is now beyond the stage of the homes that say they "accept dementia" because that usually just means the early, easy stages of dementia.

As kevin says, look beyond the décor. What is important is the care that is given. Id go and look at how the carers interact with the residents. The home my mum was in looked shabby and old fashioned, but the care was wonderful.

If you want a home where he can be until the end, then you must accept that there will be residents at the very advanced stage of dementia too - one day your dad will one of them. This may be in a different wing, but may not be. If all the residents seem to be in fairly early stages then this means that once they get to a certain stage they will be given notice. Before your dad goes there for assessment, ask the manager what behaviour they would not accept. If they say things like going into other peoples rooms, or being up at night, then look for somewhere else.

 

[SAP]

As @canary has said, be brutally honest about your dads needs, we see too many people getting their loved one settled only to be told the home can’t cope with them.
A home that looks homely is not a sign of a good home , just good interior design. Look at the relationship between the residents and carers, the carers and the management etc.
Thus must be a very difficult time for you with both parents needing support, don’t forget to look after yourself as well.

 

[Micro10]

Thank you so much for replying, we had no idea finding a home would be so difficult. All your advice is so helpful & reassuring.