My mum 91, lives alone . Her short term memory is bad and she is unsteady on her feet. Recently had bad fall. She sees no point in gettingout of bed early . Watches tv sport all day . My brother does her shopping an calls in most days . Im there once a week. Im 80 miles away. She says she is bored and lonely . When i suggested a day centre, or a lunch club that was knoccked back. Doesnt want to sit with strangers . I suggested a companion visitor or telephone call. No, dont want to speak to strangers. She basically wants only my brother and I . Its so sad that she is lonely .
shes bored but wont do anything
- Thread starter cymbid
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Well technically she isn't lonely, because she has you and you're brother.She knows she can contact you and you're brother by phone, you can try and suggest other things that might help her from being bored,but usually it is just part of the condition saying that they are bored and lonely, maybe it might be worth talking to your brother about things to do regarding your mother see if he has any suggestions?
my brother works (even at 65) and is in poor health. He really doesnt have the energy to take her out ect. I try and take her out to lunch when im up . She enjoys that but then immediately when we get home its boring again. So I suppose you are right, she is not really lonely . just fed up . I suspect what she really wants is to turn back the clock to when my dad was alive and she could go bowling etc
I'll just mention my experience I used to take my mum in her wheelchair to about two towns a day for hours on end shopping,talking to people, you get my drift and it still wasn't enough for her and that was nearly every day for about seven years and she was still complaining, that I wasn't letting her go where she wanted that she was being kept a prisoner, what I am trying to say is try not to wear yourself out trying to appease somebody who can't appeased, from what you've written I think you and you're brother are provding what you can, you lend a ear on the phone when she calls, you take her to lunch when you can, I think you're doing your best.
Hi @cymbid
I'm sorry to hear about your mum. What I've found is that a person with this condition isn't happy on their own. It's understandable if you can no longer make sense of the world.
If I go to another part of the house now, I can only be absent for say 15 mins max (if that) before my mum would come looking for me, even if she can hear me in the next room.
It's different at night, although if she gets up for the loo, it's still best if I have a quick word with her.
I don't find any of this distressing - it's an honour looking after her.
I'm sorry to hear about your mum. What I've found is that a person with this condition isn't happy on their own. It's understandable if you can no longer make sense of the world.
If I go to another part of the house now, I can only be absent for say 15 mins max (if that) before my mum would come looking for me, even if she can hear me in the next room.
It's different at night, although if she gets up for the loo, it's still best if I have a quick word with her.
I don't find any of this distressing - it's an honour looking after her.
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Hi @cymbid
I agree that I think they get frightened on their own and thats why they called it boredom. I noticed my husband only watched sport and its because there's no plot to follow.
There's no easy answer for you if she doesn't want to try day centre. Could you get her to accept a cleaner who can be a companion. You are doing your best and that is all anyone can do
I agree that I think they get frightened on their own and thats why they called it boredom. I noticed my husband only watched sport and its because there's no plot to follow.
There's no easy answer for you if she doesn't want to try day centre. Could you get her to accept a cleaner who can be a companion. You are doing your best and that is all anyone can do
Hi
I'm sorry that your mum is so limited at the moment but don't stess yourself out by trying to fix the impossible.
My Dad is in a lively care home with activities and socials every day. I have often been in in for a sing song one day, where everyone has been singning and joining in one way or another having a lovely time then been in the next day to be told that he never has anything to do and that it is boring.
One morning I was treated to a line of residents moaning about how boring it was and how no one ever did anything with them, I know that the day before they had been out on a half day minibus trip in the morning and had enjoyed a visit from the Caring Canines in the afternnon.
So even if you had managed to arrange a whole string of activities for your mum, she would likely still be complaining, its the nature of dementia and no matter how much you do it will never be enough.
I'm sorry that your mum is so limited at the moment but don't stess yourself out by trying to fix the impossible.
My Dad is in a lively care home with activities and socials every day. I have often been in in for a sing song one day, where everyone has been singning and joining in one way or another having a lovely time then been in the next day to be told that he never has anything to do and that it is boring.
One morning I was treated to a line of residents moaning about how boring it was and how no one ever did anything with them, I know that the day before they had been out on a half day minibus trip in the morning and had enjoyed a visit from the Caring Canines in the afternnon.
So even if you had managed to arrange a whole string of activities for your mum, she would likely still be complaining, its the nature of dementia and no matter how much you do it will never be enough.
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